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  #41  
Old 04-02-2010, 02:33 PM
GroundedSpirit GroundedSpirit is offline
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Originally Posted by twig View Post
.............
One issue that arose (and we are still work through) is that interior walls are not usually well insulated. Being new to poly (and still not sure I am poly) it was highly stressful to hear S and K in the next room. Even laying alone trying to sleep while S was less than 15ft away gave me a fair bit of trouble. For many people this is probably a non-issue but it is a potential one that I haven't seen brought up yet. It is one thing to know your partner is out on a date in a mystical "out there". It is something else entirely to know your partner is with someone else a couple of rooms over. S, K and, I have all had to work on being conscious of how much noise we make in bed
Well - that's an interesting twist indeed.
Couple choices........

1> Earplugs or headset & music player
2> Grab your favorite toy, place yourself mentally in the picture and enjoy the experience !

We actually had that situation in our house for a short time. The sounds stirred the hormones of the uninvolved party. Sometimes it was too much to bear and she would come join us. It kind of broke the "mood" at first but after a few times we came to accept - and enjoy, it. If we really felt we needed that private moment we enjoyed trying to keep the noise down

GS
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  #42  
Old 05-28-2010, 05:02 AM
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MonoVCPHG MonoVCPHG is offline
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After a lot of internal searching and logistical discussions it looks like we are moving toward co-habitation in the relatively near future. 18 months into building family stability and acceptance and we are perhaps 5 months away from me moving into their suite. That will give us nearly two years of growth and building foundations. Polynerdist and I are at the point of deep friendship and mutual respect for the love that we both have for Redpepper. Their son is healthy and our relationship has evolved beyond my own expectations. Our families are completely aware and each support us in their own way...or at least tolerate us LOL!

Most importantly, Redepper and I have developed a love and friendship that is beyond the struggles we have faced with resolve to move towards one goal...being together in a mutually healthy way that adds to our lives.

We are family now..that won't change, regardless of what ever else does. I am confident that our bonds are solidified in the mortar of friendship.

18 months with eyes wide open.
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  #43  
Old 05-28-2010, 05:38 AM
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Derbylicious Derbylicious is offline
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That's awesome news...you are having a suite warming party right? Need a nice new houseplant or a fondu pot???
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  #44  
Old 05-28-2010, 06:40 AM
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That's awesome news...you are having a suite warming party right? Need a nice new houseplant or a fondu pot???
Suite warming!? You obviously don't know me very well when it comes to personal space. Ask Redpepper about how many people have been in my place over the last year
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  #45  
Old 05-28-2010, 07:18 AM
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just me, the boy and nerdist.
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  #46  
Old 05-28-2010, 01:19 PM
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Like most of our relationship, we blundered into something that worked.

Although we initially started in separate residences, we moved into a large college apartment that had three bedrooms, so everyone had their own room. This was fortuitous. Everyone had their own space, there was enough common space we had to manage chores, and things went (relatively) smoothly.

Even in monogamous relationships, the people often have 'their' private spaces. (It's common enough we've all seen the cartoons, gags, etc. about men's workshops, women's kitchens, i.e. places that 'belong' to one person in the relationship.) I think this is a very common need in any long-term intimate relationship; to have a place where you can 'be yourself' without having to make any concessions or compromises.
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  #47  
Old 05-28-2010, 01:47 PM
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Suite warming!? You obviously don't know me very well when it comes to personal space. Ask Redpepper about how many people have been in my place over the last year
And only one at a time right? Being all Mono and all!
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  #48  
Old 05-28-2010, 09:13 PM
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And only one at a time right? Being all Mono and all!
Hahaha!!! I see family as one entity so the rules don't apply...
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  #49  
Old 10-14-2010, 06:54 AM
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Well, it's been a long time since I started this thread and we are now two short weeks away from me moving in. Lots of thoughts are going through my head. I'm concerned about balance between the time Redpepper spends with me and that which she spends with PN. I'm not worried about getting my needs met, I'm completely satisfied with anytime we get together, but I am worried that PN will feel it is unbalanced. We'll have to communicate and feel this one out.
I'm concerned about losing control of the space I am renting. It has to be my space first and foremost and a shared space second. I need it to reflect who I am. We are doing a great job shaping the space and RP is an incredible help with many things but there are times when I feel like I hurt her if I don't take her suggestions. We work through each challenge for sure. My privacy is a concern as my bed is not in a separate room but will be in the living room...this leads to increased anxiety about people visiting her room because they essentially go through my living space. I am a privacy nut so that will be a challenge that ultimately construction may have to address down the road. Oddly enough, I'm also concerned about my eating habits being sidetracked as I look forward to eating by myself in front of the computer and I enjoy limited variety in my meals both for health and routine purposes. I think we have a quick fix for that in having preset meals for the family as a whole a couple of times a week. I also want Redpepper to have more freedom within her space but it can't cost me my sense of isolation that I desire. When I imagine scenarios where people are using my bathroom or kitchen because it's convenient, it makes me question the sustainability of this type of arrangement. BUT....it is my natural tendancy to think way ahead and explore the possible negatives...I'm trying not to focus on that

Now the positives! I love the space! It's clean, modern in many ways and has a rustic fireplace and chimney that have my creative juices flowing. I'm looking forward to not having to drive into town at the end of the night and really expect to spend more time together as a family unit in the yard and day to day. There is something very comforting about hearing them move around upstairs. Their son can visit me a lot easier which is very cool and I think it will give them more flexibility in doing things together. I also love the energy and smile that emanates from RP when she is in her room...she seems very happy for sure ...I love being able to have a kiss whenever too!

I'll keep you updated on my thoughts as we continue our adventure

Oh, and I am sure some people will wonder about "noises" in the house. I have zero issue with heearing RP and PN having sex...I want them to have more LOL! I need them to be happy and connected and sex is a sign of that for me.I will be concerned about him hearing us though, and I expect things will often be less "audible"

I'm going to try to be as honest as possible in sharing my thoughts because I believe this is a golden opportunity for others to share in the process

I am one very excited Vanilla Cracker
Thanks for inviting me into you r life and home Redpepper and Polynerdist. I love you both...just in different ways
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  #50  
Old 10-14-2010, 02:02 PM
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Thanks for the amazing thread it is really helpful

Its good to think things through, from what i've seen RP and PN are aware of your need for privacy and respect it. I think (and from what I can gather they think) You have the right to your own space. Remember that I know theory can be easier that practice, but remember the theory, it seems as though all of your hearts are in good places.
Re bed room/living area issue, I don't know if putting up a collapsable screene to divide the space might help/be an option? One made a massive difference to me psychologicaly at my last place.

Glad your in such exciting times, sounds really beutiful , please keep us posted

Your comment re rp and pn put a song in my head

there is more than one kind of love - joan armatrading

x
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