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  #211  
Old 03-26-2011, 08:10 PM
Tonberry Tonberry is online now
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Originally Posted by Magdlyn View Post
Meh. I hate that term, ORE, old relationship energy. I prefer ERI, established relationship intimacy.
I like it! It's true that "old" often sounds derogatory, and I can see how in an established relation, it's more about intimacy (or complicity), and in a new one about that boost of energy. I'm all for using ERI instead or ORE.
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  #212  
Old 03-26-2011, 08:53 PM
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I like ERE. I think it's much more descriptive. While I still have NRE with T-Rex, I can see where we're easing into Established Relationship Energy. I wouldn't say ORE. And while ORE describes my relationship with Thumper, ERE does it better.

Can we get that in the definitions?

We're all lay-a-beds here. Way in the way back, Thumper and I courted in bed, watching SciFi channel, cuddling, and having sex. T-Rex and I spend our date time primarily in bed. Love bed. Bed good.

But I fear I have derailed the thread. My on-topic point was that sex in close proximity doesn't have to be distressing for the metamour who is not involved, but that's really dependent on the individual metamours.

I have no useful advice or anything. If Thumper were, like, out in the kitchen doing dishes or something, I could see how he might get resentful at being left out. And alone time between partners is vitally important, IMO. At least, that's how it feels in our V. Though if we were to live together, Thumper's schedule (working overnights) would work well for me and T-Rex. T-Rex likes to go out late on Fridays, so that would help me and Thumper.

If your only option for alone time, though, is to leave someone out while they are still in the house, in close proximity, then I can see how that would be problematic.
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  #213  
Old 03-26-2011, 09:04 PM
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I am a long time "bed person" . . .
Sometimes I think I could turn into Swoosie Kurtz's character in Stop Making Sense. I could lounge around in bed all day, every day, whether I have company or not. Mmmm...
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  #214  
Old 03-26-2011, 09:08 PM
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MonoVCPHG MonoVCPHG is offline
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The only thing I don't like about the term ERI is that it doesn't indicate a sense of longetivity. For some a relationship can be established in one night of sex...of course it may only last that long LOL
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  #215  
Old 03-26-2011, 09:26 PM
Tonberry Tonberry is online now
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Originally Posted by MonoVCPHG View Post
The only thing I don't like about the term ERI is that it doesn't indicate a sense of longetivity. For some a relationship can be established in one night of sex...of course it may only last that long LOL
Well, I think of something established as something that you can't do over-night... Among the definitions online I found "established - settled securely and unconditionally" and I think that fits very well.
I think to be secured, a relationship needs some time in most cases... And if a relationship becomes established earlier, I would still count it as ERI.
After all it's about the kind of relationship and not the time. There isn't a magic amount of time when you shift from one to the other... Even NRE can keep lasting for a while even though the relationship isn't "new" anymore...
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  #216  
Old 03-27-2011, 05:23 AM
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[QUOTE=Tonberry;73008]
Quote:
Well, I think of something established as something that you can't do over-night... Among the definitions online I found "established - settled securely and unconditionally" and I think that fits very well.
I think to be secured, a relationship needs some time in most cases... And if a relationship becomes established earlier, I would still count it as ERI.
After all it's about the kind of relationship and not the time.
Good point. ERI is apt imho.
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  #217  
Old 03-27-2011, 04:29 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Tonberry View Post
Well, I think of something established as something that you can't do over-night... Among the definitions online I found "established - settled securely and unconditionally" and I think that fits very well.
I think to be secured, a relationship needs some time in most cases... And if a relationship becomes established earlier, I would still count it as ERI.
After all it's about the kind of relationship and not the time. There isn't a magic amount of time when you shift from one to the other... Even NRE can keep lasting for a while even though the relationship isn't "new" anymore...
And of course, NRE can last longer for one partner that the other. That happened with my gf and me. I think hers only lasted 3 mos and mine lasted pretty much for 2 years. Now, I feel good because we are on the same page.

My NRE shows itself as wanting to throw her on the bed as soon as I walk thru the door after a few days apart. Her moods made that stop... she likes to reconnect by cuddling and talking only and not do sex til we've been together a few hours, maybe have dinner, and she feels relaxed. Now, I finally feel more patient with her desire for that.
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  #218  
Old 04-02-2011, 04:08 AM
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My gf moved in a little soon, and it was stressful. Then she moved out and now I can see that it would be nice for her to live with us, if only our house were big enough. I think it works best if you go slow.
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  #219  
Old 04-04-2011, 05:22 PM
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Koi-
Why did she move in too soon in your opinion? And why did she move out? Just curious.
-MG
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  #220  
Old 04-17-2011, 08:25 PM
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This morning I woke up early and headed out to turn the compost piles and collect all the new soil for gardening. I didn't feel like I was doing it for anyone in particular but that I was doing it for the household. I felt like I used to when I had a house of my own with a yard to maintain. It was about taking responsibility for the environment I am in. This is a step forward for me....a breakdown in my thinking of being a "tenant" and more like being just another family member in the house.

As I was finishing PN stopped by to chat before heading of to visit his family. Redpepper was tucked away in bed recovering from a super social weekend.

Half a year in and things just seem to be getting better and better
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