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  #81  
Old 10-30-2010, 12:05 PM
NeonKaos NeonKaos is offline
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Mono, I don't like people in my house either. It's for different reasons. But my husband knows that I would freak if he brought more than two people home with him without MAJOR PLANNING. I occasionally have a guest, but it's only one or two people at a time, and it's usually my friend come to help out with yard-work. And we're not even renting or living with additional partners!

So it is ok with me, what you just said.
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  #82  
Old 10-30-2010, 12:31 PM
eklctc eklctc is offline
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Originally Posted by MonoVCPHG View Post
One of the things and trip wires of me moving in was certainly control over the space that I pay for.

It is "my space"...I need that.

I need to feel secure and in control of my space. Without that I would long for my own place again.
That is my main concern with considering eventually moving in with my partners. They own their home (a 3 level townhome w/4 bdrms & 4 bthrms) and so I would move in with them since I rent. I am a person who must have my own space and must have the ability to enjoy quiet/stillness. Plus, I am a bit of a neat freak so it's going to be trying not to take over the cleaning and organization of the entire house. I have a year to mull it over and discuss these things with my partners so I'm sure there will be a posting about it.
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  #83  
Old 10-30-2010, 04:09 PM
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So it is ok with me, what you just said.
Thanks Neon, I was waiting to get beat over the head
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  #84  
Old 10-30-2010, 04:16 PM
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That is my main concern with considering eventually moving in with my partners. They own their home (a 3 level townhome w/4 bdrms & 4 bthrms) and so I would move in with them since I rent. I am a person who must have my own space and must have the ability to enjoy quiet/stillness. Plus, I am a bit of a neat freak so it's going to be trying not to take over the cleaning and organization of the entire house. I have a year to mull it over and discuss these things with my partners so I'm sure there will be a posting about it.
I spoke to Redpepper about the posts I will share on here. We need to be honest with each other and not let any little things compile.
In you case it would probably a open discussion of boundaries that could create a healthy and relaxed environment. If you took over cleaning more of the whole house and were happy in doing that, that could be seen as an additional benefit to the family as a whole. As long as you were ok with that and didn't start feeling like a maid LOL!
I mow the grass at Redpepper's, I'v been doing it for two summers and that will not change now that I live with them. I also do house maintenance because I enjoy it. So, besides rent contribution I assist with the running of the household through acts of service. I also pick up their son and babysit a lot. The big thing is that I do things because I want to and it makes me happy and feel important to the entire family.

Time to deliver Redpepper a coffee
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  #85  
Old 10-30-2010, 05:18 PM
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Originally Posted by MonoVCPHG View Post
I spoke to Redpepper about the posts I will share on here. We need to be honest with each other and not let any little things compile.
In you case it would probably a open discussion of boundaries that could create a healthy and relaxed environment. If you took over cleaning more of the whole house and were happy in doing that, that could be seen as an additional benefit to the family as a whole. As long as you were ok with that and didn't start feeling like a maid LOL!
I mow the grass at Redpepper's, I'v been doing it for two summers and that will not change now that I live with them. I also do house maintenance because I enjoy it. So, besides rent contribution I assist with the running of the household through acts of service. I also pick up their son and babysit a lot. The big thing is that I do things because I want to and it makes me happy and feel important to the entire family.

Time to deliver Redpepper a coffee
I reeeeeaaally am conscious of not burdening you with tasks that need to be done. I make sure I request of Mono and PN and don't bark our orders. Sometimes I do when I find myself overwhelmed and something needs to be done that isn't on their radar. So not fair and I apologize and explain myself afterwards and feel really bad.

Its really important to me that people do what they want to do and feel happy doing so that they feel like they are contributing but not resenting that. Instead I want them to feel that they are proud of our house and their contribution to it...

It's absolutely thrilling to me and PN that not only does Mono like to do stuff around the house, but feels like it's his contribution. It's most definitely one of the reasons I picked him as my life love. i am a huge "acts of service" person, if we are to be talking about the book, "the five love languages" who's author i forget, but you can find it in the "book rec" thread. To me that is the ultimate love to me, I think because I wasn't really given to in that way as a child and now crave it as an adult.

Ya, so important that people be doing what they want and not because they think they have to. It's also important to check out what peoples standards are. If someones cleaning standard is different than another's its not okay to put the expectation on them that they become something they aren't. In terms of the situation that you could be in eklctc, I would think that it would be better to do the housework and keep it to your standard because that is how you want to contribute and that is what makes you feel a part of the household, but keep in mind that their standard is different and that they might mess things up again... I see no reason why you couldn't ask them to at least respect your efforts and verbally appreciate your contribution.

Really, all one needs is to feel appreciated and that their contribution is worth something... if it isn't worth something to housemates then its time to change the contribution I think... not in a resentful way but in a practical way in order to get needs met for appreciation.
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  #86  
Old 11-01-2010, 07:35 PM
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Redpepper was sick yesterday and PN was covering for a lot of stuff as it was halloween and Sundays have the normal weeks preparation to do. I got to help out by cleaning the kitchen while PN was grocery shopping with LB and I raked some leaves to clear a candy path for hungry children looking for a sugar fix. PN cooked supper and I took care of the clean up before me and Redpepper retreated to the OH for a movie and sleepover. Things are feeling very normal and cool. I wasn't too worried about noise travelling upstairs and could tell that Redpepper is happy to be close to her son and hubby.
My bike is back on the road and covered just outside my door and I am happy to have her closer as well; Redpepper isn't the only one that feels separation anxiety

Redpepper was a little surprised when I offered to show the suite to her mom and dad. Thye are family to me and are treated pretty much the same way I treat my own parents. Im not as family orientated as RP's family but do feel certain obligations and enjoy thier presence.

PN seems pretty relaxed as well. I haven't taken over thier lives and if anything have to be pulled upstairs LOL! I love having my own space and I feel very at home
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  #87  
Old 11-04-2010, 04:13 AM
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MonoVCPHG MonoVCPHG is offline
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A week into it and all is well.

Things I've noticed:
-I don't feel like I am encroaching on PN's territory. I feel pretty self contained and yet still close.
-I seem to spend less time with Redpepper's family on a day to day basis probably because I am trying not to encroach. I have to work on that, apparently I am more welcome than I thought!
-PN seems happier
-I am happier
-Redpepper seems happier
-my litle buddy is overjoyed
-Redpepper's family seems ok and likes that I painted the suite and am not sponging off off PN and her.
-My only source of current discomfort revolves around the storage of my bike. Fixing that.
-Sex has not been an issue
-walking to work is cool
-my parents are happy for me and a little in disbelief LOL!
- I've told friends at work that I live in Redpepper's suite and am waiting for them to push the question about what the full dynamic is...I'm pretty quiet about that.
-I love Redpepper on an ever deeper level as time goes on

So far the most important thing is that I feel like a positive to have around!
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  #88  
Old 11-04-2010, 04:17 AM
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-Sex has not been an issue
too quiet. We don't have to whisper... geesh, at your place you got off on making sure the neighbors know what is going on... now it's all very secretive, even when I've said that certain parts of the house are good to go for loudness.
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  #89  
Old 11-04-2010, 04:22 AM
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too quiet. We don't have to whisper... geesh, at your place you got off on making sure the neighbors know what is going on... now it's all very secretive, even when I've said that certain parts of the house are good to go for loudness.
You're sex is a bell....bring it and I'll ring it!
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  #90  
Old 11-04-2010, 04:27 AM
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Derbylicious Derbylicious is offline
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The benefits of haveing had tenants in the past I guess. You know where you can hear things and where you can't.
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