Multi-partner co-habitation

[Magdlyn]

Originally Posted by BlackUnicorn

...Mags, good luck with tomorrow!

Thanks!

[Magdlyn]

Originally Posted by nycindie

I certainly have had my share of roommates-from-hell. My apartment is a small 1-BR and I've lived here many, many years.

Before I got married I used to rent out the BR and sleep in the LR.

And now you're considering doing that again! I hope you get a nice clean sober roommate who only comes home to sleep and shower!

Back to living with partners, there was a difference in standards between me and my hubs, and this was something he got heated about a lot. I tend to collect stuff, hold onto old things, and can very easily and quickly be surrounded by clutter...

Funny, how much neater I am since he moved out. However, Lively had to laugh recently when he asked about all the dishes in my sink and I told him I occasionally go on strike. He said, "You're on strike against yourself?" and I said, "Yeah, it's not really working out too well, 'cause eventually I am gonna be standing here for an hour doing all of these." We both cracked up laughing.

My gf was raised by hoarders and inherited the tendency, or disorder. It does bother me, but she has been getting much better over the last few years, with the help of therapy. One of the reasons we haven't moved in together is because of this problem. I spent enough years in a house with a slob of a husband, 3 kids, various partners of theirs, way too many pets and clutter, and no one committed to helping cook, do dishes, de-clutter, or clean. I am not going back there again.

[River]

Originally Posted by NeonKaos

I tried making my cats do their share of the cleaning, but ...

I tried that when I had cats. It's like herding cats.

[NeonKaos]

Originally Posted by River

I tried that when I had cats. It's like herding cats.

I have a relationship with my vacuum cleaner.

[TruckerPete]

Originally Posted by NeonKaos

I have a relationship with my vacuum cleaner.

Oh. That sucks.

[Magdlyn]

hehe

[redpepper]

My ex wife was a stacker. Stacks of papers and shit everywhere. It drove me crazy! I decided that I would go out and get boxes and start putting her stuff in them and stack them on her side of our room. It filled up fast! When we moved it all went with us... the advantage was that when she moved out, it was already packed for her I think its all still stored at her parents house actually!

I miss that she used to sit by my side of the bed in the morning and sip her tea REALLY loudly before leaving for work. She sat with her head against me and her two hands on the cup... I miss that. I love her for that now.... *tear* I was so mean to her yelling at her to stop and go away. Stupid!

[BlackUnicorn]

Originally Posted by NeonKaos

If you choose roommates/partners carefully, you are less likely to end up with an inconsiderate slob, unless that is what you prefer.

Yeah, and lowering one's standards if you do happen to love that inconsiderate slob can also help, too!

Originally Posted by nycindie

I tend to collect stuff, hold onto old things, and can very easily and quickly be surrounded by clutter. He always wanted me to toss my shit out.

Flattie is what appears to be a hoarder. I have no formal training in clinical psychology, so my impression is pretty much based on what I see people on tv do. She can't throw away newspaper, leaflets, basically anything that comes through the mailbox will never leave our house unless I intervene. She can get extremely anxious if I just mention throwing any of her piles away, so I just do it sometimes when she's not there. I don't know if that's mean, but I think she's sometimes relieved that she doesn't have to make the decision.

Another thing she hoards is food. Our fridge, freezer and cupboard are always swamped with stuff, literally rotting away. My mum has cleaned our fridge twice. Flattie occasionally cleans it too, but she seems unable to take the stuff that's gone bad outside. So it just sits on our kitchen counter, happily decomposing along. We have a biotrash bin but nothing's ever there, instead it hangs out on that same counter and the smell can be pretty overwhelming sometimes.

[TruckerPete]

One thing I'm finding a little difficult is that I am the primary source of comfort for Indigo and Mr. A.

Indigo's dad has been in and out of the hospital for the last couple of weeks with a terrible infection. Indigo is understandably scared; his dad doesn't take great care of himself, is diabetic, etc. He has been well and truly ill. He has two border collies. In all the time I've known Indigo, I've never seen his dad go more than a few days without taking the dogs to the park, and only if he's really sick. We're coming up on three weeks since his dad's been out with the dogs. (Indigo and I are doing it, though more him than me since he's off work right now.)

Mr. A is struggling with not getting enough hours at his "primary" job. I say primary because it is the career he has chosen to define himself by for all of his adult life. His secondary job is paying really well, giving him good hours, but is also stressful because it's new and he's learning still. And it's not him. He feels inadequate and that he's taking steps back in his career. In reality, he couldn't continue on his desired career path if he wanted, because it's not paying well enough and he's got a large amount of debt to pay down. I tell him he working now so that he can do what he loves later.

I certainly wouldn't want either of them to not be able to talk to me. And yeah, they're big issues. I guess I just don't know what to do with "their" stress after they share it with me.

Writing it here has helped, but further suggestions would be appreciated.

[Mohegan]

I think the hardest thing for me is I need my routines. It's the only way I keep my OCD and anxiety in check. I've had one roommate who actualy cleaned up after themselves and didnt get in the way of me doing my daily thing. And was in fact more than willing to do whatever he needed to be out of my way to let me be.

Karma comes from a family of hoarders. Animals and junk. He doesn't hoard, he has vowed to never live like that. THANK GODDESS!

But his ADD gets in the way of him "seeing" when something needs done.

We both adapted, I learned to handle my OCD better and let some things go, and he has learned to take care of something as soon as he sees it so he doesn't forget.

I think a lot of living together is compromise and respect. Karma and I have talked about buying a duplex or adding onto an existing home, if we were to ever have one of his g/f's live with us. That would allow him to have both of us close but still give me my space.


TP-I have no advice, but I'm sorry, that's gotta be a hard place be in.