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  #121  
Old 11-25-2010, 06:29 PM
Passport Passport is offline
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Mono & RP - you guys are awesome I love reading about your journey!!
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  #122  
Old 11-25-2010, 08:08 PM
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Thanks baby
You're welcome. It's kind of how I envisioned it; working together to maintain a household with the benefit of more hands
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  #123  
Old 11-25-2010, 08:08 PM
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Mono & RP - you guys are awesome I love reading about your journey!!
Thanks
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  #124  
Old 11-27-2010, 03:32 PM
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A VERY new person on this forum but not new to Poly. I read this thread with great interest as we lived as a MFM triad for almost 5 years. I always considered us to be VERY lucky because of our unique situation in that we have two homes in the same farm yard. We are also very lucky in finding the other M for our V. He moved into the second house and it worked very well. It afforded him some privacy, some space to call his own, a retreat for when he needed some ME time and a place our wife and him could be alone when they wanted that. A second home also allowed us to dodge some of the judgemental people in our community who would not be understanding about Poly at all. Some of the things we discovered over time were:
1. If two of us argued the third person should not take sides. Provide an ear to listen, perhaps give some cogent advice or even a new point of view but do not take sides. All couples argue so why wouldn't Triads, Quads or any number? It is important to let the disagreeing parties sort it out themselves while remaining supportive of people you care about.
2. All people need space at times. Some more than others, some less but they need it and deserve respect when seeking it.
3. I always tried to put myself in his shoes. My wife and I have had over 30 fantastic years together and at times can communicate without saying a word. Of course he is going to have feelings of being a third wheel or being left out...who wouldn't? So I went out of my way to make him feel welcome and truly cared about. He was and still is one of my best friends in the world and I always let him know that.
4. Because we are not "out" this put more constraints on his time with our wife than my time so I would give them time together whenever I could. Many times they would insist that they wanted me there too and that was fine but I knew that there were times when they could not be together when they wanted to be with each other so I made allowances.
5. It was great having a good friend right there who I could trust completely. Family security issues, fixing a dishwasher when I was away at work, someone to help me fix things when you just had to have that extra pair of hands the list goes on and on. It was a great 5 years and I miss our friend dearly but wish him and his new lady all the best in the world.
6. I treated "his" home as HIS home not our property. I knocked before I entered. I asked his permission to borrow a cup of sugar et al. We told him he was welcome to paint, wallpaper or whatever else he chose to do with HIS home. Maybe it's a guy thing but I felt he needed that from me and was happy to do it. Our wife on the other hand had the opportunity to chose paint colours in TWO homes. Isn't that every woman's dream come true?
7. He was/is a very affectionate man and I know it bothered him to not be able to show her public affection. When we travelled away from home I gave them as much space and opportunity to share PDA as I could although it was fun to hold hands as a 3some and walk down the street. We still laugh at the BC hotel desk clerk who refused to rent us a room because of her "religous" beliefs. This was after she saw the 3 of us walk into the lobby holding hands and smootching.
We completely believe in the power of love and my wife and I have never had any jealousy or security issues. We sort of look at it this way "If I can love this wonderful, special person so much why wouldn't someone else love them too??" In the end our friend met and fell in love with a very nice woman who would not move from monogamy. He was torn between us and caused him no small amount of angst. In the end we told him we would always love him and he could come back at any time but he should not walk away from his feelings for this wonderful lady and they ended up moving to her home in eastern Canada. Multi-partner co-habitation worked very well for us as long as you allow the caveat of a seperate home in the same yard.
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  #125  
Old 11-27-2010, 03:37 PM
Ariakas Ariakas is offline
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Thats some great stuff iThink. I don't believe those rules are limited to live in lovers. Most of these could apply to all groupings or constellations.

thanks
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  #126  
Old 11-27-2010, 07:11 PM
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I'm so pleased to hear your story iThink. I'm glad its on this thread too because there are some useful points for all of us to see.

I particularly enjoy the similarities we have. I agree about what you say about arguements, making sure people have time, and giving space respect. Mono is really good at just listening to me vent about PN. The two men have never fought, yet. I will remember to not get involved to much if they do. I am finding that "me" time heals me and makes me sane in ways that nothing else could. It has been so important. Making sure Mono runs his own house, even though its our property, is very important to his sense of home and belonging to his space. I helped pick the paint, but he was always in control of what he wanted to do with his space. He still is.
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  #127  
Old 11-27-2010, 07:12 PM
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Thanks for sharing this Ithink The idea of multiple houses in close pproximity is one that definitely appeals. it sounds like you had a great experience! Being out to the important people in our lives has certainly made things easier. Did you have a schedule or was your wife's time more fluid between the homes?
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  #128  
Old 11-28-2010, 11:56 AM
Ithink Ithink is offline
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Originally Posted by MonoVCPHG View Post
Thanks for sharing this Ithink The idea of multiple houses in close pproximity is one that definitely appeals. it sounds like you had a great experience! Being out to the important people in our lives has certainly made things easier. Did you have a schedule or was your wife's time more fluid between the homes?
Thank you everyone for your comments. Our time together was fantastic and will always live in me as one of the highlight experiences of my life. We have talked extensively about being "out" and there are no easy answers. We are by nature VERY honest people and to carry on an important part of our lives in secret seems...well...dishonest. We are old enough to understand that there are times in life that people need to keep things to themselves because the world can be a brutal place but being dishonest with ourselves about our lifestyle caused us no small amount of angst. There are SO many complications that arise for us being out that we decided that it was best for us to remain closeted. I think if we were younger, say in our 30's, and living in TODAYS world we might chose to accept the life battles that outing ourselves would bring because I believe that our society will move towards acceptance but being in our 50's and not living Poly anymore (although we would love to again) we just don't see the long term benefit. I know others rightfully say that Poly people today are "blazing the trail" for the Poly people to follow in the coming generations but, to be honest, we just don't feel strong enough to be trailblazers.
To answer the other part of your question; we did not have a schedule. Most of our time was spent together as we all enjoyed being together so much. We just sort of went with the flow. Time spent as a "couple" was important but the time we spent as a 3some was rewarding and sort of our reason for being....and I have a personal belief that all women should experience sex with multiple partners to experience an entire new level of fulfillment but that is another topic for another posting some day.
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  #129  
Old 12-16-2010, 03:27 PM
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Living together has been great so far and of course it is not without some challenges. Anyone who has read Redpepper's Journey knows we tried something out with the use of her room and it wasn't the most positive experience. I pushed myself and it was the right thing to do. Just because it was the right thing to do doesn't mean it turned out well however. I am all about feeling positive and limited energy in where I live. I have created a memory in my space that that reminds me of the compromise Redpepper makes in being with me. BUT, I created it; no one else did. I needed to test the waters with having Redpepper's non-sexual boyfriend spend alone time in her room. They watched a movie and snuggled a bit. I could hear them and I did pretty well until the next day when she reminded me of the sexual energy they swim in. It has been worked out but the energy that my response created lingers. It reminds me that this is not the ideal situation, but it is overall great! She needs her own completely private space with her own entrance.
We have learned some things but rest assured I am pretty happy. I love her dearly XOXOXOX

We're all still doing very well
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Last edited by MonoVCPHG; 12-16-2010 at 09:11 PM.
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  #130  
Old 01-08-2011, 05:08 AM
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I posted this in "How are You Doing" but felt it was fitting here as well

I'm watching LB (RP and PN's son) for tonight and tomorrow. They are gone for the weekend to attend a wedding and enjoying a well deserved and overdue weekend getaway

Because I live with them, it is easier to take care of their son without disrupting his normal schedule and routines too much. We had a great night and are going rock climbing tomorrow at a local indoor facility
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