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Old 09-13-2016, 11:43 PM
effulgentunicorn effulgentunicorn is offline
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Default Terminology Suggestions for a situation?

I’m looking for someone or multiple someones to throw some possible terminology at me. I’ve looked through several glossary pages and it’s kind of overwhelming.

There are four of us. We have thrown around the word family to describe our group, especially in reference to the cats and the lizard, i.e. we’re all one family and all four of us are the animals’ parents. This has been our setup for approximately a year. Officially, the four of us are two couples, but recently myself and one of the members of the other couple have begun exploring what sort of possible relationship could develop between us, with the knowledge and approval of both of our partners, of course.

What introductory knowledge I had of definitions relating to polyamory had me looking up N relationships, which lead me to cross-couple relationships, which also lead me to looking at quad relationships. I guess my major question is about the nature of relationships that “”””””count”””””” in the different terms for those or other types of polyamorous relationships.

The new relationship between myself and a member of the other couple is currently, and for a while is planned to stay, romantically coded and stay clear of most sexually coded activity. Our partners don’t have any interest in each other in a romantic or sexual way, and it is overall unlikely that any more romantic or sexual relationships would develop among us, but there’s still the important quasi-familial feeling among all four of us. There are like three different kinds of relationships going on here (sexual between current established partners, what would appear romantic with this new relationship, and important/familial with all four of us) and I just don’t know if the fact that they aren’t all romantic&sexual relationships would at all affect which terms could apply.

We haven’t really labeled anything new yet, and I’m not trying to find a box and try to make us fit, I’m mostly just curious and overwhelmed by the number of new words. How would anyone who has a bit more experience with polyamorous terminology refer to this?
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Old 09-14-2016, 12:57 AM
Atlantis Atlantis is offline
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Old 09-14-2016, 02:34 AM
Noyse Noyse is offline
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I like the term constellation. I'm in a V, but if you also look at my partners' dynamics, one is also in a V, and the other has three partners. I also include some very dear friends who pretty much hit all my needs for a relationship, but it doesn't go the other way for them. Everything is free to grow organically as it does.
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Old 09-14-2016, 06:02 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by effulgentunicorn View Post
The new relationship between myself and a member of the other couple is currently, and for a while is planned to stay, romantically coded and stay clear of most sexually coded activity.
I'm not quite sure what you're describing. Who is sexually and romantically involved with whom? I get the "two couples" part and beyond that, you've lost me.
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Old 09-14-2016, 08:33 PM
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Polycule?
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Old 09-15-2016, 03:50 AM
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Who is married to whom and who is "nonsexually dating" whom? Is it two married M/F couples and now the wives are romantically interested in each other? Or is it two married M/F couples and one of the wives is now romantically involved with the husband in the other couple? That might make more sense, since you say no sex is allowed. Is someone insecure about consenting to that happening? It's hard to give your configuration a name, if that even matters, because your description is a bit hard to follow.

That said you could call it a quad or a poly tangle. I've always liked seeing the word "tangle" used when it comes to poly.
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Old 09-15-2016, 03:12 PM
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I know a woman who has a household where there is a "chosen family" aspect to everyone's relating...but some are sexual with some, some are not, some are romantic, some are just friends...but it's like it doesn't matter. The weight is on the humans and the connections and cooperating as family so the household is happy, not on how affection and feelings are expressed.

She calls it relationship anarchy.

https://thethinkingasexual.wordpress...narchy-basics/

Quote:
Relationship anarchy goes further than polyamory in its departure from the monogamous norm. Relationship anarchy does share with polyamory an overall rejection of sexual and romantic monogamy, its common rejection of legal/institutional marriage, etc, but it also seeks to completely break down what I like to call the Romantic Sex-Based Relationship Hierarchy by erasing relationship categories determined by the presence or absence of sex and/or romance. Relationship anarchy consequently creates equality of all personal/intimate relationships, behaviorally and emotionally. The freedom to interact and value one’s relationships starting with a blank slate, distributing physical intimacy, sexual intimacy, emotional intimacy, etc. according to one’s desires rather than preexisting rules and categories of relationship types, is an expression of this equality.
And the "Manifesto":

https://theanarchistlibrary.org/libr...onship-anarchy

I have been pretty interested in this concept...it's a hard one to describe and explain to folks. But pretty cool, I think. Most people I know seem to feel a need and desire for more structure and definition than this, though.
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Old 09-15-2016, 09:15 PM
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There is a long, very interesting discussion thread here on RA with contributions from members who are quite knowledgeable about it. There are a few of us into RA. If anyone's interested, you can do an Advanced Search for the word "anarchy" in the the title, and you'll find it.

However, Relationship Anarchy being a philosophy or approach to relationships, I don't think it really answers the OP's questions. The OP is wondering what label to put to their poly or non-mono configuration. It doesn't seem like RA is really relevant to that.
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Last edited by nycindie; 09-17-2016 at 01:28 AM.
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Old 09-17-2016, 12:02 AM
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Hi effulgentunicorn,

I think "N" would be the most precise word for what you have currently, as far as the four humans are concerned. Poly connections don't have to be sexual, they can just be romantic. So using the word "N" doesn't describe everything about your foursome.

You could also use the word "quad." Generally there would be more romantic links in a quad than in an N, but you say the four of you are pretty tight. If you include your cats and lizard, the whole group could be called a "family." Really, there aren't any strict rules about any of this terminology. You can really use whatever words you are most comfortable with.

That's my take anyway.
Sincerely,
Kevin T.
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Old 09-19-2016, 01:30 AM
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I'm with Kevin, it sounds like an "N" (though I prefer "Z", lol, which as a Canadian I pronounce 'Zed')
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