MonoVCPHG
New member
I'm glad I'm coming home tomorrow.
-Derby
So are we
I'm glad I'm coming home tomorrow.
-Derby
So there's a lot of talk about honesty and communication in the poly world. I'm starting to discover that the vast majority of people outside of poly really don't want you to be honest with them. It kind of sucks. I tell my friends the honest reason behind why I'm doing something and then they decide to no longer speak to me.
I think that it's important that when one is honest that other people are not necessarily going to appreciate it or feel comfortable with what we say. I think it's important to remember that they often need time to adjust to new information and that takes time.
It's kind of like "not shooting the messenger" really when people are honest with us. I think it is important to look at what they say from outside of them, rather than judge them by it. We are all trying to change and grow and that is a process of being honest about our needs and wants and being honest about them. At least if we want to be healthy about it.
It sucks that this woman likes to cause drama. Really, your only role is to be a gracious host (yay, I get to use that analogy I'm such a relationship/communication geek ) with a big smile and wait it out. I would think that she will either lose interest and not want to hang out anymore or figure out how she feels and warm to you again...
in the mean time... what does hubby think? I am wondering if he is all that keen to hang out with her if it makes you feel uncomfortable?
What about the texting?? Hmmm... Nothing to do with me I hope?!
Maux Faux says to "get bent".
It's all gonna be OK.
One question really...If this was all reversed and it was you who had a new boyfriend with the same circumstances, and you were asking for all the same stuff, how do you think your husband would react?
........I would have liked to have been asked what I was expecting
........I'm terrified of being the third wheel for the next couple of weeks
........I'm left wondering when my time is and if my time gets to be fun or if it's just going to be all about the things that need to be dine.
Yet again I get to be the no fun wife
.......It doesn't take much though for me to get it into my head that I'm just filler. Especially since she arrives tomorrow and they're going to be seeing each other daily until Sunday
......I feel very much like I'm out of control of the whole situation though.
talk to nerdist about making assumptions and having expectations... he and I have this kind of miscommunication almost daily... it's all a part of it and can be learned from so that you can move on... it sucks, but in my experience, it's all a part of it. It doesn't help that everything else is going on because moving on from it seems to go faster when there is nothing major going on. Which is why working on the other shit is helpful!...I have assumptions that my husband knows the same information as I know. His girlfriend's primary has every Sunday off (I know this). So when I found out that Sunday was the day that my husband was going to spend with me I automatically thought that it was because his girlfriend was already going to be busy. As it turns out he didn't know what her primary's schedule was and that it was just my assumption.
.........I want to be able to play things by ear a little more.......I don't know how I'm going to feel about her and I don't want to instantly have her become a part of our daily lives. I don't move that quickly. I like things to be gradual and I like getting to know people a little at a time.
I have a lot of fears around how I'm going to react to her. I'm a little bit competitive and I'm aware of this and as such a part of me is worried that I'm going to try and flirt with her and to win her over. I'm worried that I'm going to try and make there be more of a relationship there between the tow of us because I know that my husband would be quite pleased if that happened. On the other hand I'm worried that I won't get along with her at all and that it will cause all kinds of stress between my husband and I