Polyamory.com Forum  

Go Back   Polyamory.com Forum > Polyamory > Life stories and blogs

Notices

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #31  
Old 03-27-2010, 04:08 PM
Derbylicious's Avatar
Derbylicious Derbylicious is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Victoria BC
Posts: 1,603
Default

I was trying to stay away from physical, it's not something that you can always rely on not to change. The core of what I am that makes me special will always be there (except maybe for having a strong body).
Reply With Quote
  #32  
Old 03-27-2010, 04:31 PM
Derbylicious's Avatar
Derbylicious Derbylicious is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Victoria BC
Posts: 1,603
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by redpepper View Post
your cute.... you forgot that one
Thank you. You're pretty cute yourself
Reply With Quote
  #33  
Old 03-28-2010, 05:41 PM
Derbylicious's Avatar
Derbylicious Derbylicious is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Victoria BC
Posts: 1,603
Default

I'm desperately trying to maintain my adult composure and not turn into a giddy school girl. I had a really nice evening yesterday.
Reply With Quote
  #34  
Old 03-29-2010, 07:51 PM
Derbylicious's Avatar
Derbylicious Derbylicious is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Victoria BC
Posts: 1,603
Default

Just a bit of an update. I'm working on finding my place in this new dynamic. I worry about feeling like I'm just the boring old wife who's there to take care of the house and the kids and that I'm not exciting and shiny and new anymore. I also worry that what I do will be taken for granted.

My filter that I hear things through was on again last night. But I did address it and hopefully the feeling of being placated so that my husband can have sleepovers will subside. I find that the more that particular issue is talked about the more I am resistant to it. If I can figure out why I will post about it. I think it might just be a part of my personality. Maybe I'm just contrary.

I wish I knew how not to compare myself and my relationship with my husband. These are 2 different relationships and they aren't going to progress in the same way. It's just that he was so very cautious in getting involved with me, at least emotionally, and I see this new relationship developing in a much different way. Which brings up the having been settled for thoughts again.

I'm glad I can come on here and type things out to help me get my thoughts in order a bit. Over all it's nice to see him happy and it's good that he's getting himself out of his little room. I'm just finding that sometimes I need it to be about me. So when it is about me, either on line or on the phone I need it to be all about me without a conversation going on with his new girlfriend too. Hopefully that doesn't make me selfish. I would also expect him to let me know when it's ok for me to contact him when they're together and when it is their alone time. I also need to know at what time that alone time is over.

I'm not enjoying this roller coaster. I'll be glad when things aren't so up and down anymore. It's already better than it was last week. I'll be ok to keep the highs I just don't want to have the lows anymore.

I got me some cuddles on Saturday evening. It was very comfortable and very hard to leave. I'm looking forward to booking a date soon. I'm not sure what else to say here that isn't going to end in me embarrassing myself so I'll just leave it at that for now.

-Derby
Reply With Quote
  #35  
Old 03-30-2010, 02:48 AM
geminigirl's Avatar
geminigirl geminigirl is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Victoria, BC
Posts: 111
Default

For the record, Derby, I can't imagine ANYONE who has met you thinking you're a boring old wife!
Reply With Quote
  #36  
Old 03-30-2010, 02:49 AM
Derbylicious's Avatar
Derbylicious Derbylicious is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Victoria BC
Posts: 1,603
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by geminigirl View Post
For the record, Derby, I can't imagine ANYONE who has met you thinking you're a boring old wife!
Thanks for that
Reply With Quote
  #37  
Old 03-30-2010, 03:23 AM
MonoVCPHG's Avatar
MonoVCPHG MonoVCPHG is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: In Redpepper's heart
Posts: 4,742
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by geminigirl View Post
For the record, Derby, I can't imagine ANYONE who has met you thinking you're a boring old wife!
I second that!!
__________________

Playing the Game of Life with Monopoly rules.
Monogamy might just be in my genes

Poly Events All Over
Reply With Quote
  #38  
Old 04-02-2010, 06:00 PM
Derbylicious's Avatar
Derbylicious Derbylicious is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Victoria BC
Posts: 1,603
Default

I'm all hung up on time these days. My husband has all the time in the world to explore his new relationship being that he's somewhere where all he's responsible for is doing his job. Meanwile I'm here with a house and kids and a huge amount of frustration about not being able to set aside the time I would like to to persue my own new relationship. I know that there shouldn't be this comparison with how much time each of us has but it does strike me as incredibly unfair. I was asked by a friend yesterday if I was jealous and truthfully I'm not jealous I'm just frustrated. The frustration has way more to do with the situation I'm in than it does with this new realationship of his. If anything his new girlfriend has made me realize how much I love him and why I love him so much.

-Derby
Reply With Quote
  #39  
Old 04-06-2010, 06:06 PM
Derbylicious's Avatar
Derbylicious Derbylicious is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Victoria BC
Posts: 1,603
Default

Sleep didn't really happen last night. My mind was too busy. I'm feeling like there's no one who really understands my situation and it bugs me when they say that they do. I got an email from my husband's new GF and most of it was really nice and I enjoyed reading it but I got hung up on her saying that she understands how I'm envious. She thinks it's all about the relationship, it's really not. The relationship has just thrown the way I feel into much sharper relief. I felt the same way when he was out with friends every weekend while I was home and when there were pictures of him on the beach in Mexico when it was winter here and I was home. I'm just feeling it far more often these days. It's not a good thing to get hung up on something so small where it's leading to me losing sleep over it. Yep, less time with my thoughts would be a good thing. I'm bad company to myself. Hopefully I'm better company for others!

I'm guessing there must be someone else out there who really has gone through the same experience as me. I just feel really alone in it. So if anyone else out there has a SO who goes away for half a year at a time and has 2 small kids let me know ok? I love my kids and I love being a parent but I must say it's really hard to be "trapped" at home once they're asleep.

-Derby
Reply With Quote
  #40  
Old 04-06-2010, 06:50 PM
geminigirl's Avatar
geminigirl geminigirl is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Victoria, BC
Posts: 111
Default

Actually I do get this, Derby. When my kids were younger we lived in a rural area and I had no access to babysitters pretty much their entire childhoods. When my husband would go away to visit his girlfriend overseas for months, and I was pretty much a full-time nanny and dog-sitter with nothing but online contact to keep me from going insane (ok, I went sort of insane). :P

My suggestion is to take as much advantage as you can of opportunities to go out both with your kids and to use sitters when you can get them. The reality is that he's able to spend more free time than you are right now because of how you've structured your work and lives, and while envying him is natural, it won't help you feel any better. It might also be worth figuring out if some of your feelings come from a desire to do something different in your life that might be unrelated to your relationship or your kids.

I suggest making him aware of how you feel and trying to figure out at least some small steps towards him helping you with this when he can. Are there ways you can both restructure your lives to make things easier on you?

I also suggest trying to get some of the fun to come to you -- can you have people over more often to keep you company so that you don't have to leave your place and the kids?

Finally, I suggest not getting down on yourself about this. All parents with young kids, in my experience, feel this way at least some of the time -- they DO cramp our style and when a partner has a lot more freedom it's pretty rough. It doesn't last forever, but at the moment it feels pretty unfair and lonely.

Oh, and also, it's ok to let your partner and even your kids know that Mommy sometimes needs her own alone/playtime to feel happy. Everyone does -- kids get that, they really do -- and the happier you are, the happier your family will be, too. It *does* get easier.

Hm. I see a need for a poly-daycare support network...

*hugs*
Reply With Quote
Reply

Tags
anticipation, anxiety, emotions, nervous

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT. The time now is 10:28 PM.