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  #121  
Old 09-27-2010, 06:34 PM
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Morningglory629 Morningglory629 is offline
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Originally Posted by Derbylicious View Post
I've been known to shake up pop and put it back in the fridge as a booby trap when I'm especially angry about something LOL. Otherwise my outbursts tend to be a bunch of crying and then I leave to go for a walk. In a fight or flight situation I usually prefer flight. Getting away from the situation lets me clear my head and then I can talk about things in a much calmer manner. (most of the time).
Awwww Derby, hugs to ya girl! This is how my hubs copes with tense situations. I tend to fight...he tends to fly. Not sure which is best, everyone needs to process their own way. In any case as long as the issue is dealt with eventually then all is good.
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  #122  
Old 09-27-2010, 06:50 PM
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http://www.danoah.com/2010/09/diseas...erfection.html

This is worth the read. We're not perfect and I think that this forum is a wonderful, safe place to not be perfect in.
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  #123  
Old 09-28-2010, 03:41 AM
FormerUnicorn FormerUnicorn is offline
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Derby, you come off as a sweet, thoughtful, empathetic, and complex person. You are appreciated by so many people on this forum. I see such positive feedback to your comments everywhere you post. The things about you that seem to make some situations hard are also your greatest strengths and the more you find time to focus on yourself, the easier it will become to deal with your stressors.

I'm very glad to see that you feel safe enough to process some of your confusion and frustration here. I agree that figuring out how to take care of yourself will be difficult, but as you seem determined to do so, I am sure that you will discover ways to give yourself what you need.

Do you find talking about your stress helps? If you're running away from difficult times and deal with them later logically, are you processing those emotions, or are you just stuffing them away? Do you have people who can give you a fresh perspective on events? Sometimes we live with our own interpretations for so long we forget there can be other ways to look at things.

It sounds like you're making brave steps in the right direction.
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  #124  
Old 09-28-2010, 05:25 AM
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Derbylicious Derbylicious is offline
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Yes I talk about things, or more to the point type about them. I have a hard time talking about stress becuase I cry easially. I tend to talk to the person, then type to the person and then post about it. Generally after all of that the issues are worked through.

I'm working on self care this week. I just got back to my hotel after having beer and laughs with Ariakas. I'm planning on a bubble bath before bed. I was thinking of working out but decided that after travelling for 4 hours that I wasn't feeling it. Maybe tomorrow lunch time. I love hotels and just having everything right there at my disposal.

I'm going to squash the guilt that generally comes when I do nice things for myself. I deserve to treat myself as well as I treat everyone else! Got to say so far no guilt...just happy!
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  #125  
Old 09-28-2010, 05:28 AM
Ariakas Ariakas is offline
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I'm going to squash the guilt that generally comes when I do nice things for myself. I deserve to treat myself as well as I treat everyone else! Got to say so far no guilt...just happy!
You deserve it. ...enjoy the spoilage ...
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  #126  
Old 09-29-2010, 01:49 PM
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Over the course of the night I realized that I have absolutely no desire to know when my husband is planning on having sex with his girlfriend or knowing when it happens after the fact. I know they have sex, I know they use protection and as long as it doesn't interfere with our sex life I really don't need to know when it's going to happen. It just leads to me not getting a very good sleep. I don't know why yet. I'm not jealous about it or upset about it. But the knowledge sets off my adreneline response for some reason. I don't like the dreneline response and therefore I don't want to know.
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  #127  
Old 09-29-2010, 02:01 PM
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SourGirl SourGirl is offline
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Great point Derby.

My husband and I, were discussing this last week. It can be tricky, when you view your spouse as your best friend as well.
The 'best friend' side, wants to gush and share all the exciting things that can happen. Meanwhile, the spouse side is recoiling, or not quite sure what to do with that information.

For the first time ever, we both realized there are things we don`t want to know. We don`t need the details.

' Did he have a great night ?...Yes ? good. He liked the restaurant, and they went somewhere more private from there ? Fantastic.'... Glad they had fun.

Past that, I don`t feel a need for details. I dont feel any jealousy either, but do find, that I feel like I am looking into something that really isn`t any of my business.

The Best Friend/ Spouse scenario is what we realized was going on with us. Since we examined that, we both feel more at ease.
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  #128  
Old 09-29-2010, 04:09 PM
Livingmybestlife Livingmybestlife is offline
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Wow! That makes so much sense for my situation. My hubs is my best friend. It makes me realize, I have shared to much with him. No wonder he expressing some issues. Thanks, for the epihany!
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  #129  
Old 09-29-2010, 05:36 PM
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Derbylicious Derbylicious is offline
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Thanks SJ, I think you may have hit the nail on the head with that one. On a big plus note there were no tears over this issue at all. I just identified it as something I didn't need to know and we'll move on. I think I may have come a long way!
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  #130  
Old 09-29-2010, 10:52 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Derbylicious View Post
Thanks SJ, I think you may have hit the nail on the head with that one. On a big plus note there were no tears over this issue at all. I just identified it as something I didn't need to know and we'll move on. I think I may have come a long way!
Good for you!!!

One of things Karma and I set up was let me ask the questions. If I want to know more, if I'm best friend mind set and want to share in all his glory, then I'll ask for more details, if I'm in wife mode, and aside from they had a good time, I don't want to know anything, I don't ask anything else.
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