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  #1  
Old 05-20-2014, 06:45 AM
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AJoy AJoy is offline
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Default Annoying things... And bonuses unique to poly relationships

Annoying:
-Deciding what to have for dinner with so many decision makers in the house
-three adults sharing a single bathroom
-picking work clothes off of the floor for three of us... I honestly just had to give up
- trying to find things is more difficult because everyone has their own idea of where to put things

Bonus:
-Lamb and I have a double sized wardrobe after combining ours.
- chores get done a lot faster when we work on them together.
-no need for a house sitter unless all three of us travel at the same time.
- there has often been one survivor when cold or flu has struck, leaving the remainder of us with a caretaker.

There are a bunch of special pluses and minuses, but these were a few that came to mind most readily. I'd love to hear about some of everyone else's annoyances and positives that would only be seen in poly relationships.
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Me (AJoy - bisexual female) in a marriage/life commitment with Pickle (straight male) and Lamb (bisexual female). Preparing to try for our first child together.
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  #2  
Old 05-20-2014, 10:52 AM
PolyinPractice PolyinPractice is offline
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I go about poly so similarly to monogamy, that I feel I sometimes have fewer "poly" benefits (for now, as it's mostly just him and me.)

But....

Positives
- Being able to go out and flirt, without feeling guilty
- Being about to get another boyfriend/girlfriend if I want (starting to happen with one girl now)
- Being able to fantasize about other partners with my partner
- (almost) always having someone I'm interested in/flirting with/dating to talk to (if not see in person)

Negatives
- Having to hide my primary relationship on a daily basis
- Unusual problems with metamours (I've never been shot at, as happened to a friend, but I have been screamed at in public, in front of people)
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  #3  
Old 05-21-2014, 04:54 AM
JaneQSmythe JaneQSmythe is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by AJoy View Post
Annoying:
-Deciding what to have for dinner with so many decision makers in the house
Hmmm...whoever is cooking/shopping (i.e. NOT me) decides what we eat.

Quote:
Originally Posted by AJoy View Post
-three adults sharing a single bathroom
Luckily...we have 1.5 baths, the main one has 2 sinks and no-one is particularly shy.

Quote:
Originally Posted by AJoy View Post
-picking work clothes off of the floor for three of us... I honestly just had to give up
Each of us is responsible for our own laundry, I sort mine into my laundry baskets as it needs to be washed...if they don't...too bad - the dogs will sleep on it, the cat will mess on it, NOT my problem.

Quote:
Originally Posted by AJoy View Post
- trying to find things is more difficult because everyone has their own idea of where to put things
This is mainly an issue, for me, in the kitchen...which is Dude's area. He seems to put things away randomly. If I can't find a coffee cup I look in the dishwasher...other than that, if I can't find it then he has to go and fetch it for me. (We each have our own areas of the house that we are responsible for...)

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Originally Posted by AJoy View Post
Bonus:...- chores get done a lot faster when we work on them together.
...GRrrr... or never get done because the are SEP ("Somebody Else's Problem for non-Douglas Adams fans).

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Originally Posted by AJoy View Post
-no need for a house sitter unless all three of us travel at the same time.
I'd substitute "pet-sitter" but yeah...especially now that Lotus is in the mix. (not that it was a huge issue - family is close. as is a decent kennel).

Quote:
Originally Posted by AJoy View Post
- there has often been one survivor when cold or flu has struck, leaving the remainder of us with a caretaker.
Yup.

Quote:
Originally Posted by PolyinPractice View Post
Positives
- Being able to go out and flirt, without feeling guilty
I never felt guilty about "flirting" - I do it as naturally as I breathe/

Quote:
Originally Posted by PolyinPractice View Post
- Being about to get another boyfriend/girlfriend if I want (starting to happen with one girl now)
Sure? I've never tried to "get" another boyfriend/girlfriend...they just tend to "happen".

Quote:
Originally Posted by PolyinPractice View Post
- Being able to fantasize about other partners with my partner
You can't do that in mono relationships? I mean, it's just fantasy (I've never actually been in a truly mono-ship, so I'm just asking...).

Quote:
Originally Posted by PolyinPractice View Post
- (almost) always having someone I'm interested in/flirting with/dating to talk to (if not see in person)
I can see that, sort of. I would phrase it as - "Always having someone available if I feel the need to interact with people." Although, to be honest, my friends can also fulfill this role. One always has the option of flirting with strangers if you need some validation.

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Originally Posted by PolyinPractice View Post
Negatives
- Having to hide my primary relationship on a daily basis
Huh?!? What?!?

Quote:
Originally Posted by PolyinPractice View Post
- Unusual problems with metamours (I've never been shot at, as happened to a friend, but I have been screamed at in public, in front of people)
Yeah...NO! Not. If there were even the merest possibility of that sort of drama I would NOT be there...

************

Positives:

An additional layer of support if I need it.

My loves/partners have another layer of support if I am not in a position to provide it - they are taken care of, even if not by ME.

I don't have to restrict my genuine feelings for other people based on some societal idea of what is "acceptable".

more love = more happy = more better

Negatives:

More people are affected by my actions/decisions (including metamours and .... what's the next step?...my metamour's partners and their partners and their partners, etc. etc. ad nauseum - and their families...and who is "out"...Jeesh!) - must consider all ramifications.

More people may want more of my time = may not have enough "alone" time. Lucky for me, my people are pretty independent/have other partners or interests. (Thank goodness!)

Co-ordination of plans is a BITCH (mainly because Dude is an anti-planner...doh, my OCD trembles...probably NOT a poly issue)

***************

I'm feeling really happy and comfy and loved right now....so i might be biased. All the NRE's seem to have run their course and we are just enjoying each other and interested to see what else develops.

JaneQ
__________________
Me: poly bi female, in an "open-but-not-looking" V-plus with -
MrS: hetero polyflexible male, live-in husband (24+ yrs)
Dude: hetero poly male, live-in boyfriend (5+ yrs) and MrS's BFF
SLeW: platonic girlfriend and BFF
Lotus: "it's complicated"
+ "others" = FBs, FWBs, lover-friends, platonic G/BFs, boytoys, etc.


My poly blogs here:
The Journey of JaneQSmythe
The Notebook of JaneQSmythe

Last edited by JaneQSmythe; 05-21-2014 at 05:08 AM. Reason: Puntuation...closing parentheticals.
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  #4  
Old 05-21-2014, 05:22 AM
PolyinPractice PolyinPractice is offline
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I'm afraid I can't relate to any of AJoy's as I don't live with my partner, well, sort of partners, I've recently begun dating this woman in town. But I've never really worried about chores or bathrooms. I figure it'll be similar to having roommates? And I've done that before.

As far as mine?

-Feeling guilty about flirting? I don't feel guilt, myself, but I've certainly been guilted by partners. Sucks.

-Getting another boyfriend/girlfriend? I've never gotten in a relationship that hasn't developed out of a friendship, but I would never just "let" it happen. Unless they were available. I used to, but that's in the past now..

-Fantasizing about other people with a partner? Well, yes, you can in mono relationships, but it's supposed to stay theoretical, not real. You can fantasize about Johnny Depp. But not your next door neighbor. And even if you do, in mono relationships, it's mono. Obviously nothing will come of it. I don't fantasize now, unless I have real intent.

-Always having a partner there for me? Of course I have friends and family to interact with. But what if I want sexytimes on Skype? That's kind of....hard to get from anyone but a romantic partner


The Negatives

-Having to hide my primary relationship? While I feel it's no one's business but ours and his wife; it would have severe consequences if it were found out....before we're ready. Not necessarily for him and me, but for a lot of people who depend on him.

-The Drama? Yeah. I would've run if I'd known. But I'm also not going to run away in his time of need.
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  #5  
Old 05-22-2014, 01:03 AM
JaneQSmythe JaneQSmythe is offline
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Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Pennsyl-tucky
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Quote:
Originally Posted by PolyinPractice View Post
-Getting another boyfriend/girlfriend? I've never gotten in a relationship that hasn't developed out of a friendship, but I would never just "let" it happen. Unless they were available. ...

-Always having a partner there for me? Of course I have friends and family to interact with. But what if I want sexytimes on Skype? That's kind of....hard to get from anyone but a romantic partner
Hmmm...I think that I don't really draw that hard of a line between friends/FWBs/partners...I tend to flirt and have sexy times with my friends if they are into it. They define any boundaries they might have and things pretty much happen however they happen...

Quote:
Originally Posted by PolyinPractice View Post
-Having to hide my primary relationship? While I feel it's no one's business but ours and his wife; it would have severe consequences if it were found out....before we're ready. Not necessarily for him and me, but for a lot of people who depend on him.
I'm sorry, my bad - I was thinking, from my own perspective, how do I hide my husband? HUGE-ASS chunk of "couple centric" right there! (The HopBack Amber Ale I was consuming probably didn't help..). My boyfriend would definitely agree with you..he doesn't have to hide our relationship from his (or my or MrS's) friends but he feels constrained at our family functions (even though he is always invited) because we are not out to them. I'm a more private person anyway - so it doesn't bother me as much - everyone knows that we all live together...anything beyond that is no one's business.

JaneQ
__________________
Me: poly bi female, in an "open-but-not-looking" V-plus with -
MrS: hetero polyflexible male, live-in husband (24+ yrs)
Dude: hetero poly male, live-in boyfriend (5+ yrs) and MrS's BFF
SLeW: platonic girlfriend and BFF
Lotus: "it's complicated"
+ "others" = FBs, FWBs, lover-friends, platonic G/BFs, boytoys, etc.


My poly blogs here:
The Journey of JaneQSmythe
The Notebook of JaneQSmythe
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