Polyamory.com Forum  

Go Back   Polyamory.com Forum > Polyamory > General Poly Discussions

Notices

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #21  
Old 06-21-2012, 03:28 AM
LotusesandRoses's Avatar
LotusesandRoses LotusesandRoses is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 110
Default

1) Define "polyamory" in a sentence or phrase.

The practice or belief of one can be romantically involved with more than one person.

2) Give us a quick snapshot of yourself. Whatever you want to share in a few sentences, including whether or not you ID as poly.

I'm a nurse approaching 30. I'm a solo poly woman. I'm interested in fitness, nutrition, cooking, fashion, queer culture, medicine, and lotsa stuff.

3) How many partners/lovers do you currently have if any? Tell us their names/pseudonyms and one or two things about them, including their role in your life (occasional fuckbuddy, spouse, romantic-but-not-sexual LDR, etc) and whether or not they have any contact or relationship with each other. Have you ever had more partners at a time than you have now?

This is the most partners I've ever had. In order of whom I first met/spoke with:

A) D, male, straight, romantic sexual partner of a year. D has not yet met my new partners, but I'd like that if we could all maybe arrange a weekend some time in the summer or fall, depending how things go. He has a girlfriend. Right now he lives three hours away, so we're kind of in an LDR.

I really love D. He's been such a loyal friend and we have so much fun together. I know if I broke my leg tomorrow he'd be there, and he's been that way since I first met him. He's sensitive and intuitive, and our relationship really is about adventure and discovery. He's taught me to be a more patient, loving person.

B) Mr. Nice, male, straight, romantic, currently non-sexual. (Well, I've held both Mr. and Mrs. Nice's hand and kissed them both on the cheek after only two dates, and that's fast-moving for me.) Again, kind of an LDR, and he's three hours away in another direction. Just started seeing him, and there's definitely a spark (or a blazing fire). He's married to Mrs. Nice, whom I'm also dating. He's very masculine, funny, an alpha male, and I enjoy that.

C) Mrs. Nice, female, pansexual, romantic, currently non-sexual. Like Mr. Nice, only two dates, but we talk/text everyday and there's something there. Sometimes, as a pansexual woman, I feel very lonely and really want the romantic company of a woman, and she fills that. I feel like I can be romantic with a beautiful woman in a way I can't with a man, no matter how much I care.

This probably got too long...

4) Do you have an "ideal" poly configuration? If so, what is it? If not, why not (haven't figured it out yet, don't believe in "ideal configurations", etc.)?

I think the one I'm in is ideal, or a continued growth is ideal. I'd like a triad with Mr. and Mrs. Nice. I like my relationship with D. And I like living alone. At the very least, I'll always require my own bedroom and eight hours of sleep alone. I love deeply, but greatly value my independence.

Part of me would also really love to have a biological child of my own, but I oddly doubt that would happen unless I had a partner who would stay at home. I believe in stay at home parents, and most men aren't willing and part of me still holds onto heterocentric beliefs, so, oddly, I probably won't give birth to a child unless I have a live-in female partner.

I love being in love and having great, rewarding relationships with wonderful people, and three is a great number for me. I just want my partners to live closer.

5) Are you out about the role of poly in your life all of the time, some of the time, or none of the time? If some of the time, when? Are you satisfied with your level of outness?

Some of the time. I'm limited because of my job how "out" I can be. My parents know I don't exclusively date one person. My friends know I'm poly and better understand that. Limited people at work know. I usually present myself as single and simply "dating around," but even "dating around" would not be acceptable for some people who have a good deal of control over my career. I'm totally satisfied with my "level of outness." When I'm working, I don't share my personal life, my political beliefs, or anything like that. I'm there to do a very specific task, and my personal life isn't mainstream. I don't like others pushing their personal lives on me, and I try to do the same.

6) Do you think that some ways of having relationships are inherently better or worse than others (poly vs mono, heirarchical poly vs egalitarian poly, etc)? If so, why?

No. Heirarchal poly makes more sense to me, but that doesn't make it better.

7) What are the best things about poly to you? What are the worst things?

The best:

- I get to be in three very different, very wonderful relationships.
- My desire to explore the minds and bodies of very different people is fulfilled.
- Some different form of NRE occurs when I go from partner to partner. D seems so fresh and interesting now that I've started seeing new people. It's great
- It's nice to feel attractive and lovable by more than one person.

The worst:

- People expecting me to be a whore. (Not my partners, or they wouldn't be with me.)
- The uncomfortable feeling when you don't know what someone else wants or expects from the relationship.
- Balancing these relationships and trying to initiate conversation/a game plan for relationship management.

8) Could you ever see yourself being happily monogamous?

It could happen. Sex is a bonus, not a necessity. I can definitely see myself being sexually non-active, so why not monogamous?

9) Would you recommend poly to others who may not have considered it? How about to your kids if you have any now or ever end up having any?

I wouldn't recommend any sexual lifestyle or mindset to anyone.

10) What's the happiest you've ever been? In a mono relationship, no relationship, triad, vee, etc? How did the dynamics of your relationship contribute to your happiness?
__________________
“Edit yourself, bitch. Edit yourself.” – Chad Michaels
Reply With Quote
  #22  
Old 06-21-2012, 10:07 AM
Cleo Cleo is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Europe
Posts: 417
Default

1) Define "polyamory" in a sentence or phrase.
For me, right now, it means: flirting, dating, being romantically, intimately, sexually involved with other men while being married. If there will ever be a time that I'm no longer married, it would mean flirting, dating, being romantically, intimately, sexually involved with more than one person at a time.

2) Give us a quick snapshot of yourself. Whatever you want to share in a few sentences, including whether or not you ID as poly.
In my early forties, childfree, live in a major Western European city, love to cook, eat, travel, read and write, love being social and love being alone.

3) How many partners/lovers do you currently have if any? Tell us their names/pseudonyms and one or two things about them, including their role in your life (occasional fuckbuddy, spouse, romantic-but-not-sexual LDR, etc) and whether or not they have any contact or relationship with each other. Have you ever had more partners at a time than you have now?
Married to Ren for 18 years. We opened up our relationship 3 years ago (he had mentioned it before, but I guess it took me along time to be ready for it).
Ren has a girlfriend, Lou, who he's been seeing for about 10 months now.
I have a boyfriend, Curlz, who I've been seeing for 5 months and with whom i am falling more deeply in love every day. he is currently single.
I also have a lover, MrBrown with whom I have a strong connection but a mostly sexual relationship. We see each other about once a month now and do not have much contact via email etc in between our dates. He has a girlfriend who knows about me.
Then there is a guy I've been dating on and off for about a year. He has a girlfriend who knows about me and objects. He is forever breaking up with her and getting back together with her. He has very major commitment issues and I think (after a year of trying to figure him out) that to him, I am his ideal woman because I am married and would never claim him.
Right now, we meet about once a month for drinks and we catch up. It's not going anywhere, the relationship is not sexual anymore and I am finally ok with that, but he is still important to me.
Ren has met Curlz and drama-guy. I have met Lou. Lou and Curlz have met (and they both met a bunch of our friends)

4) Do you have an "ideal" poly configuration? If so, what is it? If not, why not (haven't figured it out yet, don't believe in "ideal configurations", etc.)?
My ideal poly configuration, right now, would be strengthening my relationship with Curlz and becoming more involved in each others lives, and gradually spending more time with him. I think in my ideal world he also has another relationship, although the thought of this does freak me out a little, but I guess in my ideal world I would not freak out as much
I would still occasionally be with mrBrown for some hot and steamy and creative sex.

5) Are you out about the role of poly in your life all of the time, some of the time, or none of the time? If some of the time, when? Are you satisfied with your level of outness?
I am very out. All my friends know, most of my co-workers know. When I meet someone new I will tell them. The only people in my life who don't know: parents and family. I don;t have a large family and I am not very close to them. I do not care that they don't know these important things about me... it's not worth the hassle, at this point. Maybe at some it it will become worth it though. I already had to lie about my whereabouts to mom once or twice and that did make me feel bad.

6) Do you think that some ways of having relationships are inherently better or worse than others (poly vs mono, heirarchical poly vs egalitarian poly, etc)? If so, why?
I don't think any relationship structure is inherently better.

7) What are the best things about poly to you? What are the worst things?
The best things: more love. More connections. More variety in my sex life. Learning about myself (nothing like intimate relationships to confront you with your quirks and shortcomings and issues).
The feeling that nothing is really secure, written in stone, that everything is fluent, and that the most important relationship I have is with ME, and that I will always have me. I
The worst things: more love means (to me) also more fear of losing love. More insecurities. More vulnerability. But then I think: hey, let's just look at that as more issues to be able to work on, and I guess they become positive things again!
Also, balancing time / space/ energy is a challenge sometimes. I desperately need alone time every now and then, and with my life as it is now, I don't get enough of that.

8) Could you ever see yourself being happily monogamous?
I could be monogamous again, but I could never again give up the freedom of being open. Example: if I was with a partner and we had agreed to be monogamous, I would still consider myself free to flirt, and then to come home and be able to tell my partner I got some nice attention from a nice guy and that it made me feel good and maybe even that I have a little crush. I could never go back to my early years of monogamy (the monogamy I see with a lot of my friends) where even a little flirtatious eye contact with someone is something you're supposed to feel ashamed and guilty about.

9) Would you recommend poly to others who may not have considered it?
I would not recommend poly per se, but I would recommend (and do this all the time) more openness. A good friend (married) recently developed a major crush for another guy. She told her husband, and it has been difficult, but they both feel very good about being able to talk about things. And she actually told me that if it wasn't for me, and my life, and our talks, and what se sees happening with me, she would not have told her husband. That was kind of awesome..
__________________
early forties, straight.
Reply With Quote
  #23  
Old 06-27-2012, 05:36 AM
HopeRemains HopeRemains is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Latham, NY
Posts: 10
Default

1) True love with more than one person.

2) I'm 19. I'm pansexual and gender fluid. I'm shy until you get to know me, then I never shut up.

3) I am currently single.

4) I just want to find my soulmate(s). I'm not super picky about configuration.

5) I'm not out at all to anyone in real life. I do want to come out but I'm just not ready yet.

6) In general, no, for me specifically, yes. An example to clarify: I don't think I'd be happy in a hierarchical relationship, but I don't think they're inherently wrong for other people if that makes them happy.

7) I'm still pretty new to all this, so it's hard to answer, but I'd say the best thing so far is the idea of polyamory itself; being able to really love more than one person at a time. The worst thing for me right now is trying to find potential partners.

8) I'm not 100% sure, but probably not.

9) I only recommend that people keep an open mind. Some people are perfectly happy being monogamous, and that's fine, but it's always good to be open to learning about new lifestyles, even if it's not how you choose to live.

10) Free space? Why not Zoidberg?
Reply With Quote
  #24  
Old 06-28-2012, 04:18 PM
JynLove JynLove is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 26
Default

1) Define "polyamory" in a sentence or phrase.

The ability to love more than one person on a deep emotional and/or sexual level without any one relationship threatening another.

2) Give us a quick snapshot of yourself. Whatever you want to share in a few sentences, including whether or not you ID as poly.

I am a fast talker, a bit wierd, I like to have deep discussions. People say I am bubbly, energetic, and outgoing. I identify as poly. I have interest in men and women, although I have never allowed myself to pursue a relationship with any of the women I have loved. My husband also identifies as poly.

3) How many partners/lovers do you currently have if any? Tell us their names/pseudonyms and one or two things about them, including their role in your life (occasional fuckbuddy, spouse, romantic-but-not-sexual LDR, etc) and whether or not they have any contact or relationship with each other. Have you ever had more partners at a time than you have now?

I am married. I refer to my husband (my primary partner) as DH (dear husband). We are so absolutely perfect for eachother! I love him so very much, he is one of the only people to accept me exactly the way I am. We are intimate on every level.

E is a long term, long distance friend. I do love him, but he is in a mono marriage and I am trying not to overstep boundaries. That in short means he has no idea I love him, but he has expressed he feels that way for me. Even though I have not said it and deny it to him for the protection of his marriage, he knows. I know he knows... *sigh* Given the chance, and the permission I would be sexual with him. He is also 16 years older.

S is more of a fuckbuddy. He could be more, but he is emotionally withdrawn. I won't say I love him, but I am infatuated with him. I can read between the lines of what he says. He's a good man who won't open up. He also has amazing beautiful eyes that make me melt a little inside.

4) Do you have an "ideal" poly configuration? If so, what is it? If not, why not (haven't figured it out yet, don't believe in "ideal configurations", etc.)?

Not really. I like love to happen organically. It happens how it happens. I'd love in the future to have a partner, or two even, we both love enough to include in our home and marriage.

5) Are you out about the role of poly in your life all of the time, some of the time, or none of the time? If some of the time, when? Are you satisfied with your level of outness?

Not really. Some people know, some don't. When we are more comfortable and stable in this, I plan to come out to my family and friends. We can not come out to his family, we'd be disowned. His family cares for us in their own way, and they paid for our house which we still owe them on soooo......

I am not satisfied, but we need more time before we make the big announcement.

6) Do you think that some ways of having relationships are inherently better or worse than others (poly vs mono, heirarchical poly vs egalitarian poly, etc)? If so, why?

Nah, to each their own. I think most people have poly tendancies however that they are unwilling to admit to.

7) What are the best things about poly to you? What are the worst things?

Right now its just the RELIEF of being out to my husband and the ability to be comepletely honest with him about how I feel about other people. It's like we have fallen in love with eachother all over again. I like not needing to hide my loves.

The worst, well at this point we've not encountered anything bad except clashing with mono people we are interested in. I heard about scheduling, I am sure that will become it's own animal eventually lol.

8) Could you ever see yourself being happily monogamous?

If thats what DH wants, then yes. It doesn't mean I'd stop loving, but I would stop being physical. He has always expressed he is fine with any emotional relationship I have.

9) Would you recommend poly to others who may not have considered it? How about to your kids if you have any now or ever end up having any?

Only if they showed the inclination. I don't think it's something to be taken lightly. It's not about being promiscuous. I feel that's how most people would view it if they weren't already in the proper mindset.

I have three, if they were poly I'd be happy. If they were not, I would still be happy. If they were gay, I'd be happy. If they were straight, I'd be happy. There is nothing they will ever do to make me love them less.

10) Free space! Either leave blank or write anything else you want to say or anything you want to ask future quiz-takers!

I'll come back to this...
Reply With Quote
  #25  
Old 07-01-2012, 04:36 AM
ksandra's Avatar
ksandra ksandra is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Ontario
Posts: 78
Default

1) Define "polyamory" in a sentence or phrase.
The capacity to experience romantic love with multiple people who are all aware of each other's existence.

2) Give us a quick snapshot of yourself. Whatever you want to share in a few sentences, including whether or not you ID as poly.
I'm a costume designer and visual artist in Ontario in my early 20's...oh dear, make that mid 20's now. Work is my first love gets most of my time and attention. I have always been completely poly...my Barbies had multiple Kens who were also each other's husbands.

3) How many partners/lovers do you currently have if any?
I have one mono partner named R. He's a writer and has been my best friend even before we were in a relationship. R has been tree planting in norther Alberta since May. He respects that I am polyamorous and appreciates my ability to have romantic feelings for multiple people, however we are currently monosexual. I currently have a crush, G, who is a game programmer/designer. While the feelings are reciprocated, we are nonsexual.

4) Do you have an "ideal" poly configuration? If so, what is it? If not, why not (haven't figured it out yet, don't believe in "ideal configurations", etc.)?
I would love to be the centre of a V or in an N or even W configuration provided it is a loving, trusting relationship (but that goes for any type of relationship!). Ideally I'd love to have a big family of adults (and their children if that's the case) under one roof.

5) Are you out about the role of poly in your life all of the time, some of the time, or none of the time? If some of the time, when? Are you satisfied with your level of outness?
I don't volunteer the information but I have never lied about it. Most of my family is aware that I am poly, some of my coworkers and all of my close friends are aware--and I am pretty darn satisfied with this.

6) Do you think that some ways of having relationships are inherently better or worse than others (poly vs mono, heirarchical poly vs egalitarian poly, etc)? If so, why?
Whatever works for the individuals in the relationship is the best way for them provided everyone is happy, and feels valued and respected.

7) What are the best things about poly to you? What are the worst things?
Oh this is a good one! The best thing is the way that love seems to multiply when it's shared and the feeling that there are multiple people who care about you and whom you care about.
The worst thing is how easy it is to get derailed in terms of communication and honesty and how devastating it can be to a relationship when this happens.

8) Could you ever see yourself being happily monogamous?
Monogamous as in monoamorous and monosexual--possibly. For this to happen something huge would have to change in my life, as in something that changed who I am on a very deep level and something of that magnitude would have to either be very good or very bad.

9) Would you recommend poly to others who may not have considered it? How about to your kids if you have any now or ever end up having any?
In theatre we have a saying..."If you can imagine yourself happy doing anything else, go do it, this world is not for you" and generally the theatre people I know love their jobs and their life but also experience some moments of extreme frustration, desperation and insecurity. To me poly is the same way. Yes, it is hard and it is easy to experience some of the lowest lows but it is extremely rewarding and comes with some wonderful, high highs. So I guess in short, I would recommend it if there is no other way for you to imagine yourself leading a happy life.

10) Love is not a finite resource, there will always be enough there for the person who needs it.

Last edited by ksandra; 07-01-2012 at 04:47 AM. Reason: missed a point
Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT. The time now is 07:22 AM.