Polyamory.com Forum  

Go Back   Polyamory.com Forum > Polyamory > General Poly Discussions

Notices

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #11  
Old 04-29-2012, 08:59 PM
DarayTala's Avatar
DarayTala DarayTala is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: York, PA
Posts: 42
Default

1) Define "polyamory" in a sentence or phrase.

Multiple relationships (of the option of having such) with the knowledge and consent of all involved.

2) Give us a quick snapshot of yourself. Whatever you want to share in a few sentences, including whether or not you ID as poly.

I've been involved in poly relationships since I started dating, though didn't know the title for it at the time. I've also been in monogomous relationships. Aside from that, I'm a very artsy person and dabble in a lot of crafts though my main passion is leatherwork. I'm also compassionate and very easy going, though I'm opinionated when it comes to my own life. I tend to have very strong views when it comes to what I want, though they can change rapidly as I learn more. When it comes to the outside world though, I'm willing to accept almost anything and anyone, its hard to phase me.

3) How many partners/lovers do you currently have if any? Tell us their names/pseudonyms and one or two things about them, including their role in your life (occasional fuckbuddy, spouse, romantic-but-not-sexual LDR, etc) and whether or not they have any contact or relationship with each other. Have you ever had more partners at a time than you have now?

I'm involved with three people at the moment. My fiance Andrew and I have been together for almost five years, and just recently got engaged and bought a house. He is monogomous, but has always been alright with me engaging in poly relationships despite his lack of interest in dating other people. My second partner, Lady, is an older individual who I was originally involved with in just a D/s sense, and who grew to be my lover, partner, and best friend. She (and I say that loosely because she is actually a 36 year old male) has become very close with Andrew, and the three of us are a very tight knit family. We have lived together for a while and plan to continue to do so for the rest of our lives. My third partner Nova is my submissive in the D/s sense, and has been part of our group for a few months now. He is also involved with Lady, and is moving in with us shortly as we move to our new house. This is his first experience in polyamory although he has fallen in love with the lifestyle and done wonderfully with it. He meshes well as a member of our family, and our relationships with him will hopefully be lifetime ones, although we have an enduring friendship on top of that.

I have had more partners at times in the past, which has sometimes worked and sometimes been more difficult. Right now our situation is very easy because we spend the majority of our time as a family group and enjoy eachothers company immensely.

4) Do you have an "ideal" poly configuration? If so, what is it? If not, why not (haven't figured it out yet, don't believe in "ideal configurations", etc.)?

What I have now works wonderfully. My ideal is based around having a family like group that spends a lot of time together, with the option of a few casual outside relationships. For many reasons though, we prefer all of our partners to be close. It minimizes worries about sexual safety, and certainly makes drama and jealousy in our group virtually non-existant.

5) Are you out about the role of poly in your life all of the time, some of the time, or none of the time? If some of the time, when? Are you satisfied with your level of outness?

My family knows, as does the families of my partners. Anyone who meets me and all my friends are also well aware. I'm content this way and wouldn't change anything. I would hate to have to hide anything, especially since I pride myself in being a very bluntly honest person.

6) Do you think that some ways of having relationships are inherently better or worse than others (poly vs mono, heirarchical poly vs egalitarian poly, etc)? If so, why?

I think what matters is what works for that person or group. I've seen a lot of certain types of relationships fail, but I don't think it means that relationship is bad, just that it may be less suited to most people. I think what matters is finding what works for you, which could be one or many things.

7) What are the best things about poly to you? What are the worst things?

I love having a supportive loving family group. I love not having to suppress my emotions. I can't think of anything I find negative about how my poly group is working. I think in general though the worst thing about poly is people having too many preconceived notions about how to do it, and not exploring what works for them. A lot of relationships fail because people don't explore all their emotions, or all the options they have.

8) Could you ever see yourself being happily monogamous?

That would mean losing two out of the three amazing people in my life, so no, not at this point. In general, I doubt it. If I met one person I enjoyed spending time with and being with and then never met another I felt that way about, sure. But I love easily and get close to people easily, so that just isn't probable.

9) Would you recommend poly to others who may not have considered it? How about to your kids if you have any now or ever end up having any?

Definitely. I would recommend people explore any and all relationship options or at least consider them. If I had children I would raise them to believe that they should be with as many people as works for them, the same way I would raise them to be comfortable in whatever sexuality they were, or to choose whatever spiritually worked for them, etc.

10) Free space! Either leave blank or write anything else you want to say or anything you want to ask future quiz-takers!

I wonder how common a group like mine is honestly. One where everyone functions as a family unit regardless of who is dating who. And where there really isn't and hasn't ever been any drama or jealousy between us.
Reply With Quote
  #12  
Old 04-30-2012, 05:13 AM
Anneintherain's Avatar
Anneintherain Anneintherain is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Seattle-ish
Posts: 824
Default

1) Define "polyamory" in a sentence or phrase.
I think of it as ethical non-monogamy where it's understood that it's OK to be in love with multiple people.

2) Give us a quick snapshot of yourself. Whatever you want to share in a few sentences, including whether or not you ID as poly.
Hrm, I'm a female heading into the big 4-0 soon (which seems pretty important to me at the moment), the last couple of years I've started a lot of hobbies that involve making stuff which has been fulfilling and had the benefit of keeping me busy when my husband is off on a date
I ID as poly by choice and preference, not because I spent my life feeling it was my orientation or an innate part of my identity.

3) How many partners/lovers do you currently have if any? Tell us their names/pseudonyms and one or two things about them, including their role in your life (occasional fuckbuddy, spouse, romantic-but-not-sexual LDR, etc) and whether or not they have any contact or relationship with each other. Have you ever had more partners at a time than you have now?
I have two partners. My husband Adam has been poly for over 25 years now. We started dating when I was married/poly and after 6 months my husband and I separated due to an affair. I asked Adam not to date any new people for 3 months so I could find my feet emotionally. Somehow it turned into a 5 year stretch of monogamy which was not what I'd ever envisioned or wanted, and it did take a couple years of pushing to become poly again for it to happen.
I've dated Brian for a bit over a year now. We see each other weekly, and he's important to me in a romantic & sexual way.
They met once briefly before I became sexually involved with Brian, that's the only time they've talked by their choice, they're busy guys.
I've never been involved with more than two people, a few dates here and there, but nothing that developed into anything.

4) Do you have an "ideal" poly configuration? If so, what is it? If not, why not (haven't figured it out yet, don't believe in "ideal configurations", etc.)?
I don't have an ideal configuration. I'd like another person in my life, somebody who clicks with me as a great friend, maybe shares some hobbies with me, and who is more involved in my life & vice versa than the compartmentalized relationship I have with Brian - I've met his partners but we don't spend time as a group, or with his & his wife's group of friends. I'm not even sure if I'd prefer that person to be FWB or romanticFWB, I just know I really would like more friends, and I'd like more benefits, and time is finite.

5) Are you out about the role of poly in your life all of the time, some of the time, or none of the time? If some of the time, when? Are you satisfied with your level of outness?
I'm out most of the time, my family and friends know. I don't have an employer, Adam is open about it at work. Only time I was frustrated about not being able to be out was that Adam has some religious/republican cousins who are our "friends" on FB and I felt awkwardly unable to post links about poly, though Adam wouldn't have minded.

6) Do you think that some ways of having relationships are inherently better or worse than others (poly vs mono, heirarchical poly vs egalitarian poly, etc)? If so, why?
I don't think anything is better or worse as long as the people in the relationships are on the same page. I was surprised to find that Adam is a bit more hierarchical in his thinking than I am - we aren't so far off that I think it will ever cause a problem, but I can see how more of a disparity could cause issues.

7) What are the best things about poly to you? What are the worst things?
The best things about poly to me is having a way to get some important desires met more than they were monogamously (sex), and as a shy introvert, it has been a reason to put myself out there to meet new people for friendship and dating. My husband is very social and he can find other people to be with who are extroverts.
The worst things - poor communication and lack of self knowledge (in any partner I've ever been serious about) can lead to misunderstandings & arguments, which tend to generate fear in me, and worries that a partner is going to hurt or betray me. Time management is a bitch.

8) Could you ever see yourself being happily monogamous?
I'd think so. On one hand the primary reason I am poly now is because of the vastly different sex drives in my marriage, but there are a lot more benefits than just being able to date somebody who shares an enthusiasm for sex. However I couldn't be happily monogamous with my husband unless his desire for regular sex increased.

9) Would you recommend poly to others who may not have considered it? How about to your kids if you have any now or ever end up having any?
You know, I don't recall the last time I was close enough to a non poly person with a healthy stable relationship where poly would be a positive for them. I'd talk about the pros and cons for me, but I wouldn't try to encourage them either way. I'm not having kids, but if I did I'd educate them about all the options and let them know they had choices.

10) Free space! Either leave blank or write anything else you want to say or anything you want to ask future quiz-takers!
I'm spending a lot of time thinking about polysaturation and wondering what other people do about it or to prevent it. I am struggling to reconcile the desire to find another partner who is more of a BFF/lover with the fact that I often feel stretched too thin and have trouble making time for my existing friends, family and hobbies.
__________________
Happiness will never come to those who fail to appreciate what they already have.
Reply With Quote
  #13  
Old 04-30-2012, 08:03 AM
rory's Avatar
rory rory is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Europe
Posts: 497
Default

1) Polyamory is openness to developing more than one romantic connection, and being open for one's loves to do the same.

2) I think a lot, enjoy writing about what I'm thinking, I get enthusiastic about things. I care more than feels good in this world. I enjoy having my space, which allows me to enjoy intimacy.

3) I have two partners. I have been in a relationship with Mya for a bit over a year. She is a wonderfully intelligent and interesting person with lots of love. At the moment she lives with her partner JJ in another country, but we see each other when we can, usually once a month. We are present in each other's everyday lives via skype, and we talk a lot.

I live with Alec, with whom I have a loving, comfortable relationship. We have been together for eight years. He enjoys music and gaming, and we watch our favourite shows together over and over. We live independent lives, with varying amounts of our days spent together as we feel like it. I feel poly has helped me to appreciate him as a person, and all the ways in which our relationship enriches my life, without focusing on our differences.

My partners have a friendly relationship with each other, and we often share space when Mya visits. I see JJ a bit less, but I do visit them at times as well, and I am comfortable around him, he is a nice guy. Mostly my relationships with my partners are separate, and I am satisfied with that.

4) I don't have an ideal poly configuration. I wish to have lovely people in my life, in whatever type of relationships that suit us and our lives. I do love the balance of independence and commitment, time for myself and time with my loves, that I have in my life with my ongoing relationships. I need that balance, and I like the stability. This makes me feel quite polysaturated in terms of involved partnerships. Yet, I am open to persons who may come along and seeing what I want in the actual situation.

5) I am mostly out, and largely satisfied with my level of outness. All people who are close to me know, and I wouldn't have it any other way. In my everyday life I don't have many instances where I feel closeted. There are people who are less involved in my life, but whom I still consider my people, and I haven't had a chance to tell all of them yet. If I could change something it is not my personal circumstances but the cultural monogamy-assumption.

6) I think, in the end, all relationship configurations can be done in healthy ways and in unhealthy ways. I think monogamy has special risks because it is the norm (e.g. persons better suited for open do monogamy because they don't know about the alternatives). I think poly has different kinds of risks because it is against the norm (e.g. lack of support outside poly circles). I think hierarchy can be used in cruel ways (e.g. you two have to break up because I am no longer seeing my secondary and don't feel like spending time home alone; and this is justified because you agreed to veto when we started this poly thing three years ago). But it doesn't have to be used in those kinds of ways, and also cruel things can happen in a non-hierarchical structure.

7) I have gotten so much from poly. I have amazing relationships, and I enjoy all the intimacy they bring to my life. I enjoy letting connections form freely without trying to control emotions. I am extremely happy about all the reading about personal boundaries I have stumbled across after becoming poly, since working on those has made me infinitely more satisfied in my life. The worst parts, I'd say the cultural condemnation which can lead to not being accepted by those who are close to you.

8) I could probably be happily monogamous at some different situation, sure. Right now I feel that I am way happier poly, and I wouldn't give that up.

9) I might recommend considering poly as an option for anybody who felt inclined, including my hypothetical children.
Reply With Quote
  #14  
Old 04-30-2012, 11:12 AM
BlackUnicorn's Avatar
BlackUnicorn BlackUnicorn is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 906
Default

Haven't read anyone else's responses as yet.

1) Define "polyamory" in a sentence or phrase.

The ability and willingness to form romantic/sexual relationships with multiple people at the same time.

2) Give us a quick snapshot of yourself. Whatever you want to share in a few sentences, including whether or not you ID as poly.

23-y-o bisexual multiethnic female living her dream life. Political, energetic, critical, a passionate believer and lover. Loves multiple people.

3) How many partners/lovers do you currently have if any? Tell us their names/pseudonyms and one or two things about them, including their role in your life (occasional fuckbuddy, spouse, romantic-but-not-sexual LDR, etc) and whether or not they have any contact or relationship with each other. Have you ever had more partners at a time than you have now?

Vanilla is my fiancee and my lifepartner. Together for one year. 20-y-o bisexual female.

Sweetheart is my extremely long distance lover-friend (thank you, SourGirl!). Mutual infatuation for over a year. Married, wife not poly, over 40s straight male. Has seen Vanilla and communicated a bit, never met.

Fudge, a lover-friend, extremely long distance. A caring, loving, part-time relationship for over two years. Single, over 30s straight male. Knows who Vanilla is, never met.

My record in multiple partnerships has been four in last late spring/early summer. Vanilla, Sweetheart, MoonlightRunner, Windflower.

4) Do you have an "ideal" poly configuration? If so, what is it? If not, why not (haven't figured it out yet, don't believe in "ideal configurations", etc.)?

I would ideally have one to two lifepartners, one to two lovepartners (not live-in, that is) and one to two lover-friends. Genders irrelevant, while I prefer women. Don't know enough trans/genderqueer people to be sure but def open to exploring that.

I'm very open to group relationships having more than two partners at the same time but haven't had success with those so far and it's not a priority of mine anymore.

Would consider temporary polyfi with the right people, but it's not my natural preference.

5) Are you out about the role of poly in your life all of the time, some of the time, or none of the time? If some of the time, when? Are you satisfied with your level of outness?

Yes.

6) Do you think that some ways of having relationships are inherently better or worse than others (poly vs mono, heirarchical poly vs egalitarian poly, etc)? If so, why?

Consensual relationships between adults are all fine by me.

7) What are the best things about poly to you? What are the worst things?

Having a natural way to channel and express my emotions. Sharing joy, love and happiness. Hope for the future. Feeling the freedom to meet each new person as an unique individual with no pressure to fit our relationship into a particular mould.

Poly as such is not stressful, but dealing with self-esteem issues and pre-existing medical conditions on top of poly is.

8) Could you ever see yourself being happily monogamous?

Yes, with my current lifepartner. But only physically monogamous - I don't believe I am capable of emotional monogamy.

9) Would you recommend poly to others who may not have considered it? How about to your kids if you have any now or ever end up having any?

Yes.
__________________
Me: bi female in my twenties
Dating: Moonlightrunner
Metamour: Windflower
Reply With Quote
  #15  
Old 04-30-2012, 09:45 PM
RainyGrlJenny's Avatar
RainyGrlJenny RainyGrlJenny is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Seattle
Posts: 184
Default

1) Define "polyamory" in a sentence or phrase.The ability and freedom to create relationships with people in ways that are natural for that relationship, and that are not constrained by any artificial rules or expectations.

2) Give us a quick snapshot of yourself. Whatever you want to share in a few sentences, including whether or not you ID as poly. 33, sexually bi but so far romantically straight, goofy, childlike, loves to read, loves to travel, loves children (I'm a teacher/director of a childcare center), polyamourish (I'm still feeling my way around, learning and exploring and figuring out what it all means in a practical sense)

3) How many partners/lovers do you currently have if any? Tell us their names/pseudonyms and one or two things about them, including their role in your life (occasional fuckbuddy, spouse, romantic-but-not-sexual LDR, etc) and whether or not they have any contact or relationship with each other. Have you ever had more partners at a time than you have now? Fly is my boyfriend of a little more than 6 years. We've lived together for 4 of those years, and he was my first real relationship and the deflowerer of my virginity. We started off as an open relationship from the very beginning because he had recently decided that he is a nonmonogamous person. He is still an "open" person rather than "poly," since his relationships are primarily sex-based and generally relatively short term. We're raising his 8-yo son together.

Punk is a man I met on OKCupid about 7 months ago. He's married with a child, and his wife is also poly and into BDSM (he is not). We've settled into a comfortable once-a-week routine where we either go out for a date, or we hang out at his house on a night when his wife is out. We're both addicted to food network ("Chopped" in particular), and really enjoy hanging out, cuddling, sex, etc. He's a lovely mix of giddy-shiny-new and I-feel-like-I've-known-him-for-forever.

I have met his wife a couple times (including one double date with one of her BFs), and Punk has met Fly a couple times when he's come to pick me up. This was HUGE, because previously Fly had told me that he didn't want to hear about my relationships, didn't want to meet anyone...so this was a big step and everyone came through it beautifully. Fly even asked me to invite Punk and his family to our recent earth day party, which I was amazed and appreciative of.

The only time I had more partners than this was when I was dating the BF, a couple, and had a "fuck-buddy" as well.

4) Do you have an "ideal" poly configuration? If so, what is it? If not, why not (haven't figured it out yet, don't believe in "ideal configurations", etc.)? Not really. I wish I had a partner who lived closer than Punk, so that time together could be a little more spontaneous and we could be more present in each other's daily lives. However, I have no desire to live with anyone other than Fly. I'm not good with sharing living space in general

5) Are you out about the role of poly in your life all of the time, some of the time, or none of the time? If some of the time, when? Are you satisfied with your level of outness? Totally out. I don't flaunt it, I'm not trying to use my life as a tool for social reform or activism, but anyone who knows me even casually ends up getting the gist of it. I also occasionally volunteer info to random strangers - hairdressers, the lady who owns my favorite boutique, that kind of thing. My family knows that we're nonmonogamous, although they can't quite wrap their heads around poly. But they love me, and are kind, beautiful people who support whatever I do.

6) Do you think that some ways of having relationships are inherently better or worse than others (poly vs mono, heirarchical poly vs egalitarian poly, etc)? If so, why? As long as it works for the people in it and no one is getting hurt or squelched or coerced, I think they're all just fine.

7) What are the best things about poly to you? What are the worst things?
Best is being able to express love and affection freely, without worrying about whether it's appropriate or not. Having more people to love brings more joy into my life! Worst would be time resources, and concerns that I'm not spreading my time out well to meet my partners' and my own needs.

8) Could you ever see yourself being happily monogamous? Sure. I think I'm happier poly, but I wouldn't necessarily be *un*happy monogamous in the right relationship. I don't really lean radically to either side, I'm kind of in the middle of the mono/poly spectrum.

9) Would you recommend poly to others who may not have considered it? How about to your kids if you have any now or ever end up having any? Totally! I believe there are a lot of people out there who are unsuccessful in relationships because they're poly people trying to live a mono life. I wish more people felt like they had options other than the chick-flick gospel, whether that means poly, open, celibate, whatever.
Reply With Quote
  #16  
Old 06-13-2012, 09:01 PM
Legion's Avatar
Legion Legion is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: California
Posts: 95
Default

Came up with this today after asking myself what I would be personally interested in thinking/writing about:

1) Define "polyamory" : Being open to love/romance as it comes and goes, without the standard monogamous restriction placed that if you are already involved with someone, you should not become involved with someone new.

2) snapshot of yourself. - 34/m/ca, came into poly around 23. Realized I loved many past gfs still as well as excited about possible future romances.

3) Current partners/lovers- none. I was at one time with 3 women romantically which is the most I have seen at once.

4) "ideal" poly configuration? An understanding with the loves in my life that no matter where or when we are, our love is open and ready for each other.

5) Are you out all the time? I am always open about my feelings but there are times when I feel more focused on one person.

6) Is poly or mono or other "better"? Whatever works for the individuals involved. I feel poly is a philosophy which best reflects the ideals of unconditional and infinite love.

7) Best about poly: Having an open heart and the rewards of loving.
Worst: dealing with mono people, mostly based on feelings of rejection (of them and myself).

8) Could you ever see yourself being happily monogamous? No.

9) Would you recommend poly? to kids? - absolutely and absolutely.
__________________
Often he had been often bound with fetters and chains, and the chains had been rent asunder by him, and the fetters broken in pieces: neither could any man tame him...and he asked him, What is thy name? And he answered, saying, My name is Legion: for we are many.
Reply With Quote
  #17  
Old 06-13-2012, 11:12 PM
PolyLinguist's Avatar
PolyLinguist PolyLinguist is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Vancouver, BC, Canada
Posts: 49
Default

1) Define "polyamory" in a sentence or phrase.

Polyamory is the state of being in two or more affectionate sexual relationships at the same time, with the knowledge and (at least tacit) agreement of everyone involved.

2) Give us a quick snapshot of yourself. Whatever you want to share in a few sentences, including whether or not you ID as poly.

I am a married man who decided, after the children have been raised to adulthood, to admit to his polyamorous tendencies (wishes?) to his wife. She
turned out to be extremely supportive, and has even shown a possible interest in experimenting with polyamory herself.


I cannot as yet identify myself fully as poly, because I do not have a second relationship. It is one thing to wish for something, it is another to practice it.

3) How many partners/lovers do you currently have if any? Tell us their names/pseudonyms and one or two things about them, including their role in your life (occasional fuckbuddy, spouse, romantic-but-not-sexual LDR, etc) and whether or not they have any contact or relationship with each other. Have you ever had more partners at a time than you have now?

I have only one partner at present: my wife. My marriage is happy and there are no particular problems with it, aside from the inevitable small sources of friction that are present in any relationship between people sharing their life together. I have never had more than one partner at the same time, although in my dating days I occasionally went out with more than one woman during the same period.

4) Do you have an "ideal" poly configuration? If so, what is it? If not, why not (haven't figured it out yet, don't believe in "ideal configurations", etc.)?

An ideal poly configuration for me would be to have two (or more?) partners who (1) enjoyed my company as much as I enjoyed theirs, (2) who were on friendly terms with each other, and (3) who made no demands on me that I would find difficult or impossible to fulfill. The primary (with my wife) / secondary (with someone else) model would be certainly acceptable to me, but I can imagine other configurations that could work, as long as all participants found them satisfactory.

5) Are you out about the role of poly in your life all of the time, some of the time, or none of the time? If some of the time, when? Are you satisfied with your level of outness?

I have not disclosed my interest in polyamory to anyone but my wife and people I have met in the polyamory community. I have no particular desire to “out” myself any more for the time being.

6) Do you think that some ways of having relationships are inherently better or worse than others (poly vs mono, hierarchical poly vs egalitarian poly, etc)? If so, why?

I do not think that we can separate the concept of relationships from the nature of the people participating in them.

Some people, maybe the majority in western society, are so attached to the security involved in (somewhat idealized) mono relationships that they cannot imagine for themselves any relationship except for a monogamous one. For such people, monogamy is not only the inherently best relationship model, it is pretty much the only one.

At the other extreme, there are people who simply cannot imagine being so attached to one person that they would never be ready to embark on a sexual adventure with someone else. For such people (and their partners, mono or poly) polyamory is the best solution, because other avenues would involve lying, deception and unwanted (or unnecessary) break-ups.

For people like me (somewhere in the middle), polyamory makes it possible to entertain the idea of extra-marital adventures without endangering their marriage. Whether I would actually enter such relationships depends on many factors, but at least I know that the possibility exists and therefore I am not a “prisoner” of my marriage.

As for hierarchical versus egalitarian, I have an open mind. If I was single, I could go either way. Being solidly married, however, I can imagine a primary-secondary situation much more easily than an egalitarian one.


7) What are the best things about poly to you? What are the worst things?

To me, the best thing about possible polyamorous relationships would be the opening up of new affectionate/sentimental/sexual relationships. The good life, in my view, is the continuous interweaving of old and new experiences. If I denied the possibility of new experiences, I would start thinking that I am on a downward spiral to old age.

The worst thing about the idea of polyamory is the danger it represents to my existing relationships with my wife and children. Even under the best circumstances, experimentation with new relationships can lead to damage to old ones, and since my old ones are pretty good, why risk them for something unknown?


8) Could you ever see yourself being happily monogamous?

I am happily monogamous. But I can see myself as happily poly as well.

9) Would you recommend poly to others who may not have considered it? How about to your kids if you have any now or ever end up having any?

I do not like to advise people about major life changes, because I am not in their shoes. But if I saw someone in a difficult / painful situation that might be improved if they (or their partner) considered polyamory, I would probably tell them about the polyamory movement, and might even tell them about my involvement in it.

10) Free space! Either leave blank or write anything else you want to say or anything you want to ask future quiz-takers!

Polyamory is a great idea - whether I can ever practice it remains to be seen.

However, if we want to improve on the present, rather lamentable, state of relationships in the western world, we should explore some other topics in addition to polyamory. We should look at the price (monetary or otherwise) people are expected to pay for sexual relationships in general. We should look at how we can provide for a safe and supportive environment for children to grow up in. And we should look at why people look for so much psychological support from their relationships, rather than look to themselves for psychological healing.

But all this is for another thread. Meanwhile, thanks to the people who designed this particular quiz.
Reply With Quote
  #18  
Old 06-15-2012, 02:33 AM
temperance temperance is offline
New Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 4
Default Fun intro post!

1) Define "polyamory" in a sentence or phrase.
Intimately (not necessarily sexually intimate; however, I do mean physically intimate, e.g. hugging, hand-holding, cuddling) loving more than one person.

2) Give us a quick snapshot of yourself. Whatever you want to share in a few sentences, including whether or not you ID as poly.
Married, poly-curious, mom of two kids, career student.

3) How many partners/lovers do you currently have if any?[...] Have you ever had more partners at a time than you have now?
I have one partner, my husband. We would like to become physically (perhaps sexually) intimate with my former lover, who happens to be my husband's best friend.

4) Do you have an "ideal" poly configuration? If so, what is it? If not, why not (haven't figured it out yet, don't believe in "ideal configurations", etc.)?
At this point, Husband and I are still working out what we want. I'm not opposed to physical (non-sexual) affection with a woman, while he is bi-curious.

5) Are you out about the role of poly in your life all of the time, some of the time, or none of the time? If some of the time, when? Are you satisfied with your level of outness?
Not yet applicable.

6) Do you think that some ways of having relationships are inherently better or worse than others (poly vs mono, heirarchical poly vs egalitarian poly, etc)? If so, why?
No. I make no judgments past whether or not it would be right for me when it comes to how others live and love.

7) What are the best things about poly to you? What are the worst things?
The current appeal is to enjoy the same affectionate freedoms I have with women with a man that is not my husband.

8) Could you ever see yourself being happily monogamous?
I am currently very happily monogamous (sexually), so yes.

9) Would you recommend poly to others who may not have considered it? How about to your kids if you have any now or ever end up having any?
Recommend? I don't know. See #6.

I'm cautious about my children and unsure of how much to share. As we are not yet there, it isn't much of a concern.
Reply With Quote
  #19  
Old 06-15-2012, 02:19 PM
jones's Avatar
jones jones is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: May 2012
Location: stoke
Posts: 125
Default

1) Define "polyamory" in a sentence or phrase.
loving or caring for more than one person

2) Give us a quick snapshot of yourself. Whatever you want to share in a few sentences, including whether or not you ID as poly.
I am a poly, pansexual swinger

3) How many partners/lovers do you currently have if any? Tell us their names/pseudonyms and one or two things about them, including their role in your life (occasional fuckbuddy, spouse, romantic-but-not-sexual LDR, etc) and whether or not they have any contact or relationship with each other. Have you ever had more partners at a time than you have now?

I have four.

G is a bf of nine years, we have three children and we are devoted to each other and we are getting married later this year

J is my gf, she is beautiful, classy, sexy and my best friend and my lover

B is my bf, he is a bit a nerd lol, very sweet and loving

A is a my reg play mate and he is married and I am best friends with his wife

4) Do you have an "ideal" poly configuration? If so, what is it? If not, why not (haven't figured it out yet, don't believe in "ideal configurations", etc.)?

I do, we have had a few problems but we are getting to a happy place in our life's

5) Are you out about the role of poly in your life all of the time, some of the time, or none of the time? If some of the time, when? Are you satisfied with your level of outness?

I do wish that I could tell the world because I am so happy, I have only told my ex friend and my bf have told a few friends but none of our family know...

6) Do you think that some ways of having relationships are inherently better or worse than others (poly vs mono, heirarchical poly vs egalitarian poly, etc)? If so, why?

I think it just depends on what is good for the person in question

7) What are the best things about poly to you? What are the worst things?

never being alone, always having someone there for you no matter what and getting different things from each person.

finding time and hearing the people you love fighting and falling apart

8) Could you ever see yourself being happily monogamous?
I did for eight years and I could do it again and I would be very happy

9) Would you recommend poly to others who may not have considered it? How about to your kids if you have any now or ever end up having any?

poly is not for everyone so it would depend on the person
I would tell my children when the time was right and I am very careful with my lovers and spending time with them with my children there...

10) Free space! Either leave blank or write anything else you want to say or anything you want to ask future quiz-takers![/QUOTE]
Reply With Quote
  #20  
Old 06-20-2012, 10:24 PM
Dagferi's Avatar
Dagferi Dagferi is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 1,184
Default

1) Define "polyamory" in a sentence or phrase.

Loving or caring deeply for more than one person

2) Give us a quick snapshot of yourself. Whatever you want to share in a few sentences, including whether or not you ID as poly.

I am a poly straight married 38 yo mother of 3 boys. I work in veterinary medicine.

3) How many partners/lovers do you currently have if any? Tell us their names/pseudonyms and one or two things about them, including their role in your life (occasional fuckbuddy, spouse, romantic-but-not-sexual LDR, etc) and whether or not they have any contact or relationship with each other. Have you ever had more partners at a time than you have now?

I have been married to D my husband for 11yrs. We live together and have 3 human kids, 3 dogs, a cat, and a fish. D is mono but is the one who put two and two together and figured out that I am poly and has given me the freedom to have other partners. He is kinky and cuckold life style appeals to him. My bf is M... we have been seeing each other for 2 months. Things are developing into a deeper romantic relationship from a more sexual one. After the initial getting used to the idea of my situation he is relaxing and enjoying things. He was worried at first that he would come second. But neither D or M come second to anyone. I balance both pretty well especially since they are very different men. Both men know of each other but have no contact.

4) Do you have an "ideal" poly configuration? If so, what is it? If not, why not (haven't figured it out yet, don't believe in "ideal configurations", etc.)?

I like my vee. I keep my relationships separate but equal

5) Are you out about the role of poly in your life all of the time, some of the time, or none of the time? If some of the time, when? Are you satisfied with your level of outness?

I am in the closet... except with very close friends. It is hard. I wish I could be more out.

6) Do you think that some ways of having relationships are inherently better or worse than others (poly vs mono, heirarchical poly vs egalitarian poly, etc)? If so, why?

I don't feel any type of relationship is better than another. As long as it is working for the parties involved then it is a perfect relationship

7) What are the best things about poly to you? What are the worst things?

I enjoy the love of two very different men. The worse thing is having to hide my relationship with M from coworkers and close minded family. He makes me just as happy as D.

8) Could you ever see yourself being happily monogamous?

My marriage was monogamous for over 9 years. I was missing something the last 5. My husband is an awesome man but unfortunately can not be everything I need. I don't think any one man can be. Hence why I flitted from one relationship to another in my dating life before D.

9) Would you recommend poly to others who may not have considered it? How about to your kids if you have any now or ever end up having any?

Depends on the person. It can be a hard road to travel.
Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT. The time now is 09:12 AM.