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  #21  
Old 04-27-2012, 05:08 AM
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redpepper redpepper is offline
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Wow, thanks for all the awesome discussion going on here. I love how threads take a life of their own from one small thought. I was thinking extremes when I thought of this idea. There are some extreme stories on this forum that made me wonder about the cult analogy. I just thought I would add that. Heirarchy is not unworkable I don't think. It just can get abusive sometimes.

For some reason I attract men who have been in cults or are highly religious. My best friend in highschool became a religious extremeist, my other close friend from that time also did. I have dated several men who were in cults. I was in a cult for awhile also. Now I am considering a relationship with someone who was in a cult for 35 years... All my thoughts around this lead me to think hmmmm some cross over to some so called "poly" situations I have heard of.
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  #22  
Old 04-27-2012, 06:03 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by nycindie View Post
If there is any kind of cult worship going on in poly circles, I would call it as The Cult of The Holy Dyad. You know, where the couple at the center must preserve their couplehood at all costs, but wants to "add" a woman to "complete" them, yet putting everyone else's needs as secondary or minor compared to the all-important dyad, no matter who else gets hurt in the process. Man, that gets so tiresome to read in post after post in this and other forums. I always feel sorry for the poor unsuspecting pigeons that wind up in relationships with people like that.
I haven't been around long and I've gotten tired of it too. Sometimes I feel like people haven't really thought it through before pursuing that kind of relationship. The unicorn is pretty much disposable from the outset.
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  #23  
Old 04-28-2012, 05:48 PM
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Like I moth, I find myself drawn to the flame.

Could there be a religious/spiritual component to some d/s or non-monogamy situations? If it's an overly hierarchial and authoritarian one, then sure, it could be non-monogamy in a cult-like set-up.

Also, consent was briefly mentioned. Whenever we discuss a complex legal category like consent (even informed consent), we need to make distinctions. To my knowledge, there are at least three kinds of consent, that can be in force simultaneously but also of only one can apply, with sometimes disastrous consequences.

1) a priori (before the fact) consent
You ask me to go to the amusement park on Sat. I think it's a fab idea. At this point, I might have a very hazy idea of what kind of park we are talking about. Even if you show me the website of the park, and I think it still looks great, I might not have sufficient information to make an informed decision about going to the park. What if it's raining and none of the rollercoasters are in working order? Can I get my money back in such a situation? What if the park has a really nasty smell? What if you disappear right after we get in and leave me alone to queue for popcorn?

2) in situ (in action/in the situation) consent
We go to the park, and it's exactly as fab as I imagined it! Thinks could still turn sour. It could start raining, you could still disappear. I might get dizzy after a turn in the rollercoaster and throw up. Someone could steal my purse. Ideally, I would be able to leave in such a situation whenever I want to, i.e. revoke my consent. But what if I lost my purse and have no money to go home? Should the park reimburse my ticket if I feel ill in the middle of my day?

3) a posteori (after the fact) consent
Next day I wake up and still feel the park was fab, and you are fab too! But what if I wake up and realize the day sucked ass? That you were a super-jerk from hell with leaving me alone in the popcorn queue, even though it felt okay at the time. Or that the entrance fee was a rip-off compared with the rollercoasters and LOOOONG popcorn queues.

Of course, in the civil/criminal justice system much more complicated and harmful situations, the risks and responsibilities involved and possible renumerations after things go wrong need to be considered. The same with non-monogamy/alt lifestyle situations, especially when they involve children or partners with considerable power differentials.

Bottom line: we can't just walk past an abusive situation and say "No one's forced to stay, they are adults, nothing we can do", nor can we force people to leave situations against their will even if considerable harm is being inflected on them.
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