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Old 04-23-2012, 08:09 PM
opalescent opalescent is offline
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: US
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Originally Posted by descendantofpirates View Post
1) That we are sexual beings.
I am still creeped out by my parent's being sexual beings! And I'm 40. So, in a way, your daughter is way ahead of the game.
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Old 04-23-2012, 08:54 PM
descendantofpirates descendantofpirates is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Central MO
Posts: 4
Default Cheating vs. Poly

I would much rather my parents would have been in a poly.

Both my parents were cheaters.

My mom cheated first, and really early in their marriage, she came into the marriage a virgin and my dad was very experienced.

Mom told me lthat he was rough and nasty and she just wanted to try someone else and see if it was all her.

Well she fell in love with her lover, and did not know what to do, she was burning up my dads already puny Army pay coming "home" to see her parents every weekend and got caught.

My dad has made her pay for it ever since, he has had literally hundreds of mistresses, he was a milkman after he got out of the army and I would not doubt that I have at least 100 brothers and sisters...lol

Even now at 79, they winter in Florida and he has 3 mistresses in the retirement park where they live

My mom is a raging alocholic (six bottles of wine a day), and she has been for over 40 years.

I hope to someday be able to share all this with my daughter and convince her that our poly relationship, based on love and honesty, is a much better way to live.

Thanks again for the advice, it is really helping me in formulating my conversations with my daughter.
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Old 06-04-2012, 02:15 AM
PinkDragon PinkDragon is offline
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 90

This was good to find.

My gf just asked this evening what, how, and when we're going to tell the children. Our kids are 20,12,10, and 9. Bear and I have three boys, Lovely a girl.

The 20 year old has lived with me his entire life, nothing I do really surprises him. He's kind of used to mom being "weird".

The next two are Bear's. The 12 year old lives with us, and there have been conversations about polygamy around the dinner table. He thought the idea of one man having more than one wife to be an odd notion, but figured that if it was in the Bible, it must be ok LOL (And yes, the conversation was about polygamy and not polyamory, but the conversations we've had can be adapted to polyamory.)

The 10 year old doesn't live here. Hell, we haven't even seen him in 6 weeks. But THAT is another story.

Lovely asked her 9 year old what she'd think about her (Lovely) dating two people, a man and a woman, at the same time. Lulu (not her real name LOL) thought that was an odd notion. Lovely asked her, "What if they treated you with love, respect and kindness?" She said that would be ok.

Soooo, basically the big deal is the 12 year old. I'm not really sure how he's going to handle this.

And, Bear doesn't think we should tell the kids anything at all right now. He says that we should, "wait and see how things turn out." I can understand that, but at the same time I think it's going to become obvious (even to Captain Oblivious) that SOMETHING is going on between Daddy, Me, and the new friend...

I'm more about being proactive instead of waiting until AFTER the horses are running across the pasture to close the barn door. Kwim? Thoughts?
Pinky, 41, f, bi. Married to Bear, 42, m, straight.
Not dating anyone right now.

I became insane with long intervals of horrible sanity.--EAP
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Old 06-04-2012, 03:30 AM
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lovefromgirl lovefromgirl is offline
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Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: The Great Soggy Northeast
Posts: 353

I think you have the right idea. Kids aren't stupid, but wow, will they come to some strange conclusions if they don't get the truth!
"I swear, if we live through this somebody's going to find their automatic shower preferences reprogrammed for ice water."

Refuge in Audacity { home of the post-raph stunner }
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Old 06-05-2012, 08:53 PM
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LotusesandRoses LotusesandRoses is offline
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Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 110

I just started dating a couple with children that are roughly the same age. I think it's up to poly people to make good decisions about their sexual presentation and behavior. Every text you send, you have to think of it in terms of, "If Martha asks her 80 year old grandma or her 10 year old daughter to check her texts because she's expecting a message from Aunt Sally, would I still be okay with sending this?" Stops a lot of nonsense before it happens.

But your 13 knows your wife, you, or possibly both have you have railed or been railed by this young man. I'd say the worst thing you can do is beat it into the ground. Tell the simple truth. Don't blather on and tell too many details. Then get on with life.
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Old 06-06-2012, 12:59 AM
PinkDragon PinkDragon is offline
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 90

We told our 20 year old over dinner tonight. He said, "Hey, you're adults, whatever you want to do is fine with me." And he wasn't surprised. LOL
Pinky, 41, f, bi. Married to Bear, 42, m, straight.
Not dating anyone right now.

I became insane with long intervals of horrible sanity.--EAP
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Old 06-08-2012, 04:10 AM
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Gentlenest Gentlenest is offline
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Victoria, BC, Canada
Posts: 8
Default Teenage Angst

I remember something from the Psychology courses I took in University ...20-some years ago. It was commenting on the natural progression of the human psyche, and how the teenage years were so integral to that. That the teenage years are the first time that the 'child' breaks away from the 'family' and starts to form its own identity. The first time we as parents need to learn not to 'tell' but to give our kids options. They don't necessarily both have to be GOOD options, though. (You can get in the boat and calm down. OR you can swim all the way home.

Hmmm...and I got distracted in my head. K, how this is relevant to the current topic is that you may want to bring poly/mono up as OPTIONS to your teenager. Neither one is bad. Both have a long and happy history. Yes, this is something we kept from you when you were younger. BECAUSE you were too young before. NOW we hope you are mature enough to understand.

Just a thought?
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affairs, cheating, children, coming out, kids

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