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Old 04-23-2012, 04:23 AM
Bells Bells is offline
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Default Starting to have my first real poly issues and just looking for advice

I have not posted in a while but basically things started out moving really quickly in my relationships. I was seriously seeing two people and causally seeing someone else and one of the people I was seriously seeing was also seeing someone else. Its been several months now, the second guy I was seriously seeing dumped me because he couldn't handle the whole poly thing, the guy I was seeing casually I am still close with but due to my new job I can pretty much never see. The other girl my boyfriend was seeing at the time has turned into a pretty serious relationship on its own. That was sort of confusing but basically I am in the position where my boyfriend has another serious girlfriend and I am not really seeing anyone else.

Since I am now just seeing the one person I have gotten what I consider to be a little needy, haven't had any complaints from my boyfriend but I know I am asking for a lot more of his time than I previously was. He is being great is giving me as much time as he is able to.

However last night we were having a conversation about our relationship and something just really got to me and didn't sit right. I want to make a major change in my life in the near future that could possibly involve me moving. He thinks its a good idea, even wants to come along for the ride, but his other girlfriend is is no position to move and likely never will be (at least not for many years).

It is just hard for me to get my head around that I cannot make this change in my life right now because of her situation. He told me that if I was able to wait it out a specified amount of time he would be on board and come along with me on this change/move. We were talking about how we could see a future with the two of us together and he needed time to slowly distance himself from his other girlfriend. While he loves her he knows there isn't really a future with her.

Him saying that freaks me the hell out even more so than her responsibilities affecting my life. I know he loves us both. He says he has no intention of distancing himself from me, but if he is saying that about her how do I not know he isn't saying the same type of things to her.

I have been trying my best to be as open and honest about everything as I can be. Even setting aside time just to talk about our relationship. I love him so much and am willing to postpone my plans for the chance of him being part of them, but I am scared I am getting played.

I know it is really stupid but I have been kind of in overdrive trying to meet someone else because I worry I am to attached to him.
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Old 04-23-2012, 05:14 AM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Bells View Post
I want to make a major change in my life in the near future that could possibly involve me moving. He thinks its a good idea, even wants to come along for the ride, but his other girlfriend is is no position to move and likely never will be (at least not for many years).

It is just hard for me to get my head around that I cannot make this change in my life right now because of her situation.
Wait -- wtf??

What makes you think you can't move wherever you want to go and do whatever you want with your life? It's your life, not his and not hers. She has no say, and neither does he. Take charge and make a stand for yourself, create the life you want, not a life that pleases other people and puts you second.

Don't be so codependent. If you want to move, move. If he feels the relationship is worth holding onto, he'll figure out a way to make it work, either by doing it long-distance, visiting you periodically, or moving as well.
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Old 04-24-2012, 02:19 AM
Bells Bells is offline
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Your right, that's what I am doing. Sometimes someone has to point out to you that your being codependent.
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