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Old 04-23-2012, 12:49 AM
Charcoalburner Charcoalburner is offline
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Hi,
I'm 37, male living in England. Describe myself as polyamorous. I think I'm single. Been a weird weekend - not sure what will become of it.
Writing this to try and understand what has happened and my part in it all.
Been seeing a younger woman I will call E for a few months. Ahe is 23. She ended our relatinship quite abruptly over the phone one day as she didn't feel free enough. Upsetting, and odd, as she was as free as she wanted to be. I don't think of myself as possessive these days. Well, after a while she missed me and we got back together - if the word together can be used.

Things developed and to my mind our relationship became more and more permissive, which is what I wanted and seemed to be what she wanted too. We talked openly about our seperate adventures - we live in different towns and only get together every few weeks or so.
At a party at hers on Saturday, I couldn't get into her bed when I finally wanted to crash as it was so full of people. I kissed her goodnight and went to find another place to sleep.
A house mate, whose birthday it was wouldn't let me sleep alone and invited me to sleep with her and another friend/housemate.
You can probably guess what happened, me and this woman ended up connecting intimately. In the morning, feeling quite odd about it all I told E about it and she laughed out loud and told me about developments in a relationship between her and a guy who also lives in this crazy house.
We laughed together and my love for E grew even more - what an amazing woman I have found.

Except - she's ignoring my calls and texts now, and according to S, you know to whom I'm referring too, is pretty pissed off with us both.

Ah bollocks! I just want to talk to her. Our last words were a commitment to spend some time together away from her place, but I don't know now if that will happen.

I feel I don't really have people in my town to talk to about these issues who would understand without judging our lifestyles harshly.

Downbeat intro, sorry.
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Old 04-23-2012, 12:58 AM
Charcoalburner Charcoalburner is offline
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I think what we've done wrong is not talking enough about boundaries. I am happy for her to see whoever she likes, but I think I have crossed an undiscussed boundary. I wish I had turned S down until speaking to E, but she wouldn't do the same for me, nor would I expect her to have to.

And they say it's better to regret the things you have done than the things you haven't. Hmmph!
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Old 04-23-2012, 05:45 AM
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NovemberRain NovemberRain is offline
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Welcome, Charcoalburner. I don't think anyone will be judging you here.... You've come to the right place.



You have reminded me of an incident in my past....this is such a weird journey for me, this poly thing. 'oh I'm not poly' oh, but this happened, and this happened, oh yah this other thing happened.

I'm gonna go detail the story in my blog.
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Love is that condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own...
Robert A. Heinlein

Me: female, bi, (formerly hinge of a vee)
with FirstBoyFriend (FBF)(moderately long-distance)
and no longer with CurrentBoyFriend (CBF)(who lives in the apartment building next door)
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Old 04-23-2012, 05:58 AM
Charcoalburner Charcoalburner is offline
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Please post a link to your blog when/if you do, I would be keen to read it.
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Old 04-23-2012, 06:10 AM
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NovemberRain NovemberRain is offline
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It's here, in the life stories and blogs and section. Sorry, I'm inept at in-forum links. If you look across the top of your screen, and click 'new posts' it should be there. I just posted. It's called 'my journey into radical self-love'
__________________
Love is that condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own...
Robert A. Heinlein

Me: female, bi, (formerly hinge of a vee)
with FirstBoyFriend (FBF)(moderately long-distance)
and no longer with CurrentBoyFriend (CBF)(who lives in the apartment building next door)

Last edited by NovemberRain; 04-23-2012 at 06:12 AM. Reason: I'm a doofus...
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  #6  
Old 04-24-2012, 01:46 AM
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kdt26417 kdt26417 is offline
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Location: Olympia, Washington
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Hi Charcoalburner,
Welcome to our forum.

Hopefully E is still willing to talk to you; are there any other ways you can reach out to her besides calls and texts? Is email a doable option? As a last resort, can you go through S?

Whatever "mistakes" you may have made, there's not much you can do about it unless/until E responds to your attempts to contact her. Perhaps a cooling off period is needed, so you might wait awhile before your next attempt at contact.

It doesn't seem fair that E would have "rules" (or boundaries) that apply to you but not to her, especially if she didn't even notify you of those rules. A certain amount of fairness is called for, and she should at least be responding to your calls/texts.

Is it possible she's just become very busy lately and hasn't got around to responding to you? How was S able to find out about her state of mind?

I hope we can be of some help to you here on this website.
Sincerely,
Kevin T.
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