Love Languages - touch

[BlackMagicBlonde]

LOL penguin - i'm like you. i can snuggle in the middle of the summer too, until the point when we're actually STICKING together! (eww.)

J was a snuggler, but didn't particularly want to be touched all the time, and DON'T rub his head (he has a very short, soft, silvering buzz cut that looks FAB on him because he's such a beautiful man any way you have it), it usually drove him nuts.

Z leans into each and every touch, and that was part of what really made me fall into him like i did. he can not get enough of being touched, snuggled, rubbed. he grew up in a family that wasn't very "touchy", and mine was the opposite. he will often jump or startle when touched and he doesn't see it coming, but after the knee-jerk reaction, he immediately relaxes into it, and i can't get enough of THAT.

touch makes me happy too, and i love making him feel happy, safe, and loved!

[Tonberry]

Does anyone have that problem with friends?
I'm a very touchy-feely person, and I want to touch my friends (hold hands when we walk, share "real hugs" -where the body touch for the whole length, not just the shoulders and then ass out - kiss them on the cheek, squeeze their shoulder, these kinds of things) but everyone seems so distant in comparison, the most I guess is the ass-out hug, and only very rarely and from a few people.

I asked a friend and he said if I acted like that with a friend they would assume I wanted to have sex with them I don't think it's a cultural difference because hugs aren't even a big thing in France (although I guess kissing on the cheek is). And I can be pretty adverse to touch from strangers, people I don't like or don't know, etc.
But I do feel a lack of something when I don't share much touch with my friends.

[km34]

Originally Posted by Tonberry

Does anyone have that problem with friends?
I'm a very touchy-feely person, and I want to touch my friends (hold hands when we walk, share "real hugs" -where the body touch for the whole length, not just the shoulders and then ass out - kiss them on the cheek, squeeze their shoulder, these kinds of things) but everyone seems so distant in comparison, the most I guess is the ass-out hug, and only very rarely and from a few people.

I asked a friend and he said if I acted like that with a friend they would assume I wanted to have sex with them I don't think it's a cultural difference because hugs aren't even a big thing in France (although I guess kissing on the cheek is). And I can be pretty adverse to touch from strangers, people I don't like or don't know, etc.
But I do feel a lack of something when I don't share much touch with my friends.

I have had a few friends over the years that are touchy feely. Some of them were people that I KNEW wanted to have sex with me, others were gay men so I knew they didn't want to have sex with me, and some where just touchy feely people. I personally am not comfortable with many people in my personal space. I don't like holding hands. Even with my SOs, I don't often like holding hands. With these friends, I just compromised - I don't like holding hands but we walked with our arms linked, I'm not big on hugging but we hugged goodbye or hello if it'd been a long time since we'd seen each other.

I'm one of those people you'd feel disconnected from if we were friends, I bet.

Do/would you (you Tonberry and you everyone) talk to your friends about your love language if you started feeling disconnected? I love my friends, so my love language definitely shines through in those relationships, but some people don't use the word "love" unless it is romantic - What would you do?

[Tonberry]

I have been wondering about it. I think I would just tell them I'm a "hug person" or something along these lines. I have never really voiced it except to that one friend who told me contact is full of sexual undertones here (which I'm sure depends on the location, but also the culture, subculture, etc. I've been told for instance that theatre people are way more physically affectionate even across incompatible sexual orientations).

[Mya]

Originally Posted by km34

Do/would you (you Tonberry and you everyone) talk to your friends about your love language if you started feeling disconnected? I love my friends, so my love language definitely shines through in those relationships, but some people don't use the word "love" unless it is romantic - What would you do?

I just thought about this the other day. My love languages don't apply to friends. Touch is very important to me in romantic relationships, but I don't need it in friendships. I like touching friends too and it's nice if I get to do that, but I don't feel like there's something lacking if I can't do that. Whereas I don't think I could be in a romantic relationship where there wasn't quite a lot of touching involved. Also, at one point in my life when I started feeling like I was falling out of love (but still liked the person), I also noticed I didn't want to touch or be touched by him. So for me it's definately related to romantic love. If I feel it, I need touch and if I don't, there's no need for it.