Polyamory.com Forum  

Go Back   Polyamory.com Forum > Polyamory > Poly Relationships Corner

Notices

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #1  
Old 03-14-2010, 02:21 PM
Kynoauin Kynoauin is offline
New Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2010
Posts: 1
Red face Sweet Sorrow

Good Morning/Evening everyone,

I'm not sure where to start, or even what advice I'm looking for. Maybe I'm just looking for someone to say, "hey, you're not alone in this!"

For the past several months the girl and I had been talking about adding a sexual third wheel in to the mix. I'm Bi, she's Bi, and we both truly enjoy the company of both sexes. We started trolling CL (OMG that place hurts my brain) and then quickly escaped to the more sane(?) dating sites set up for that purpose.

After a bit of hunting, we found a couple on there that by description matched us in personality and lifestyle perfectly, and we decided to meet. Of course there were about 40 or so emails sent back in forth as we discovered a really great level of compatibility in personal tastes.

A meal later, we're all back and really "Enjoying" each others company. The girl had been slightly hesitant to explore other males, but after meeting him in person was a smitten as I was.

After the "fun" several hours of talking ensued, and everyone got an even better picture of each other. I mean after seeing someone naked you don't have much left to hide. So we chatted and talked and we (the other male) and I went off to go find drinks for everyone. Part of the discussion (that I later found out) was that the other male may be more poly, and the wife may be more swing, but not closed to the idea of poly.

So we met up with them, and their family a day later to just hang out (when I say there was great chemistry between us, I'm not joking. From books to music, to video games, to just about everything it's all scarily compatible. Their kids are awesome and know about their lifestyle. They are open and honest, and never want to lie to them, which is incredible to me.) We have an absolutely great time, watch movies, have dinner, and watch another movie.

So we go home, and the girly and I start chatting during the drive. For the life of me I never knew she considered herself poly. We spend literally 24 hours a day together, we live and work together and I never knew! I before now had never applied the label to myself, but have lived my life with the thought that love and romance can come from anywhere and either gender at any time, so it's not a far push to extend that to something past a monogamous relationship. Why can't another couple fall for another couple? So quickly adapting my personal views finding that poly is compatible with them, I say I might be interested in going down that road with her, if the other couple is keen on it as well.

Fast forward another week, another mass of emails exchanged and we meet up with them at their home again, with the intention of just hanging out and cooking dinner for them and their family and staying over to see a movie the next day. Their teenage daughter winds up at a friends house to stay the night, and once their younger one goes to bed (he went off to play video games while we all sat around in a giant cuddle puddle on the couch), we wind up "playing" again and everyone has a great time. The next day we all go out and watch a movie with their family, have dinner, come back, watch another movie, and then we have to go. For the love of god(s) if I didn't have to work today I'd still be there! Their daughter was trying to convince us to stay longer/overnight again so we could stay up late and watch more movies and we really wish we could have.

So here's the rub. I'm pretty sure both the girl and I are falling for them. We're also faced with the fact we are going to be in Japan for a month on business, and that we may be moving there in the fall for several years. The fiance and I are at a loss of what to do. Do we pursue it for more, knowing we might be going away for awhile, but eventually coming back? Or do we not let ourselves get emotionally involved since there will be a clear time of heartache when we relocate? We really are smitten kittens over them.

Hell I know what I want and what she wants, which is to go for it regardless of the move, but I worry about hurting them as well. We've ceased looking for other playmates on the swing side of things, we just don't want to play with anyone else right now.

I hope it's a good sign they took us home to meet their kids (who love us I hope, that's the impression I keep getting ) They know of the possible moving plans, and of our frequent travels, and we've been completely open and honest with them.

And having a completely willing partner in this does make it easier. We are both acting like teenagers together, and having someone there to talk/snuggle with certainly does make the sweet sorrow much easier to deal with.

-Sean
vivamus dum licet esse

Ps. And a secret part in me hopes they read this to make explaining our feelings to them easier. Hiya Dinky and the Brain if you are reading this<3<3<3

Last edited by Kynoauin; 03-14-2010 at 02:42 PM. Reason: Spelling's hard!
Reply With Quote
  #2  
Old 03-14-2010, 02:35 PM
ImaginaryIllusion's Avatar
ImaginaryIllusion ImaginaryIllusion is offline
Moderator
 
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Canada
Posts: 1,928
Default

Firstly welcome to the forum.

It sounds like you've managed to stumble into something pretty cool. I'm sure others will have more useful stuff to suggest than I will at this point.

The only thing I can think is that rather than hoping fortune continues to smile and they read your post by chance, I'd suggest talking to them directly about it. If they already know you are planning on going away to Japan, find out how they feel about that, and the prospects for pursuing a relationship at this time, or if they'd want to wait, or make the best of the time you have. Perhaps they're having the same discussions themselves. You won't know unless the subject is broached.

Cheers.
__________________
“People who say it cannot be done should not interrupt those who are doing it.” - Chinese Proverb

-Imaginary Illusion

How did I get here & Where am I going?
Reply With Quote
  #3  
Old 03-14-2010, 06:54 PM
GroundedSpirit GroundedSpirit is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: New England USA
Posts: 1,231
Default Yes !

Yes - absolutely broach the subject ! And don't look at it immediately as a negative as that may color it for everyone.
If the connection between you all is actually as special as you paint it then you will all flow with whatever twists & turns it takes. Such is the way of love They say it overcomes all.

I can personally vouch from experience that connections stay intact over long periods and long distances.

Enjoy.

GS
Reply With Quote
  #4  
Old 03-15-2010, 04:32 AM
korindino korindino is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Saint Louis, MO
Posts: 45
Default

Do bring this up with the other couple. This is one of the hurdles I had to jump with Alex & Jen. I don't intend to live in this community forever, and I hope to get a two-year teaching commitment in Japan myself. Due to my career needs, I may not live in this town ever again. Alex and Jenny were both hesitant, knowing this, to really get emotionally involved with me, but we talked it out and came to the conclusion that if I do fall deeply in love with them during the time that I'm here, I won't stop loving them just because I'm far away.

The other couple may see it the same way. If you and your fiancee are going to be coming back anyway, this could facilitate things. And who knows? Maybe it'll be an incentive or an opportunity for the other couple to take that once-in-a-lifetime vacation to come visit you when you're living there.

Good luck.
Reply With Quote
  #5  
Old 03-15-2010, 09:20 PM
saudade saudade is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Boston, MA
Posts: 139
Smile Welcome!

Hey, Kynoauin! Welcome, and congrats on finding something beautiful.

It's unanimous that you should talk to the other couple, it seems.

In my life, I always go for it... I'm also more sedentary by nature, and tend to be the eye in the storm of people. From that perspective, I put myself in your shoes and imagine settling down with them, giving up on moving to Japan permanently, and getting to know their kids better. Of course, that's just my personal paradise, and you don't have to do anything of the kind.

Again, welcome!

In cahoots,
~S
__________________
"I was thorough when I looked for you, and I feel justified lying in your arms." - Chasing Amy
Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT. The time now is 07:09 AM.