Polyamory.com Forum  

Go Back   Polyamory.com Forum > Polyamory > Poly Relationships Corner

Notices

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #21  
Old 04-25-2012, 06:35 PM
nycindie's Avatar
nycindie nycindie is offline
Moderator
 
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: The Big Apple
Posts: 7,423
Default

Oh, I am so sorry. After seven years together, it totally sucks that he became deceitful and you had to end it.

Hang in there, be kind to yourself, and know that things will get better.
__________________
The world opens up... when you do.

"Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me." ~Bryan Ferry
"Love and the self are one . . ." ~Leo Buscaglia "

An excellent blog post on hierarchy in polyamory:
solopoly.net/2014/10/31/why-im-not-a-secondary-partner-the-short-version/
Reply With Quote
  #22  
Old 04-25-2012, 06:44 PM
dingedheart dingedheart is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 1,279
Default

Unfortunately in a lot of cases guy's get involved in this to pretend to be more manly or dominant then they actually are.


Yes ...try to find things in this to learn from. However chasing the why questions might not be satisfying or productive....I did some of that for many months ...got me nothing but more anger or frustration.

Good luck D
Reply With Quote
  #23  
Old 04-25-2012, 07:44 PM
Johanna39 Johanna39 is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2012
Posts: 10
Default

I sincerely thank everyone for their responses made from the first day i posted.

Some really good advice, challenging questions that made me re-evaluate my thinking....i can absolutely see that when polyamory is practiced in a fully open and honest way it can be a wonderful thing.

Kudos to you all.

I would be ok for comments to be made from my ex master and the other if they felt so inclined.

@Dingedheart....one thing i cannot refute is that he is dominant and definitely not pretending to be something he is not. I won't chase the 'why' i promise.

@nycindie...thank you x
Reply With Quote
  #24  
Old 04-25-2012, 07:57 PM
CielDuMatin's Avatar
CielDuMatin CielDuMatin is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Upstate New York, USA
Posts: 1,456
Default

This is incredibly sad, but I have to say, not a complete surprise to me.

There are lots of posers in both the poly community and the bdsm community. They say one thing and do exactly the opposite - they don't even come close to living up to the goals that they are so willing to tell everyone about and expect them to stick to. Trying to identify them and avoid them (they are often quite predatory) is an art.

One of the other descriptions for poly (and swinging for that matter) is "responsible non-monogamy". What he did to you wasn't responsible, nor was it open and honest. In short, this is about as opposite to poly as you can get. They both cheated. Clear and simple.

I hope you can see from reading around here that there are other, far better, ways of doing this, where everyone can be happy and content. I'm really sad that this didn't work out for you.
__________________
Please check out The Birdcage - an open, friendly Polyamory forum for all parts of New York State
http://www.thebirdcage.org/

"Listen, or your tongue will make you deaf." - Native American Proverb
Reply With Quote
  #25  
Old 04-26-2012, 06:20 AM
Johanna39 Johanna39 is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2012
Posts: 10
Default

CielDuMatin, thank you. I can see there are many happy and successful poly relationships who post on here and that is so lovely when everyone is content.

It is sad and yes, they both lied and cheated. It appears that they now want to carry on in the bdsm community as if they have done nothing wrong and are expecting me to support this. They have conveniently overlooked the lying bit and to others i am just the person who couldn't handle being poly.

Oh well, I believe what goes aroung comes around.
Reply With Quote
  #26  
Old 04-26-2012, 01:01 PM
CielDuMatin's Avatar
CielDuMatin CielDuMatin is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Upstate New York, USA
Posts: 1,456
Default

As a wise person once said "denial ain't just a river in Egypt".

I have seen more examples that I would care to of people who never learn from the poor outcomes that are the consequences of their behaviours, and perpetuate them.
__________________
Please check out The Birdcage - an open, friendly Polyamory forum for all parts of New York State
http://www.thebirdcage.org/

"Listen, or your tongue will make you deaf." - Native American Proverb
Reply With Quote
Reply

Tags
bdsm, boundary negotiation, cheating, d/s, dishonesty, dynamics, kink, red flags

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT. The time now is 02:28 AM.