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  #11  
Old 04-17-2012, 03:16 AM
opalescent opalescent is offline
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Default love languages

Others have pointed out the need to find a way to have adult time with your partner, without the youngun's about all the time.

However, have you ever read a book called the Five Love Languages? (That's not the whole title but if you google it, it will show up.) This doctor came up with five broad ways people tend to express love towards others, and how they understand love expressed to them. It is crucial for relationships because we often have trouble understanding different love languages when they express love to us. So for example, I am someone who needs quality time with a beloved in order to feel loved. That is also how I generally express love to others, through my time and attention. However, my ex-wife was all about touch. That is her love language. I had to learn to touch her more often than is natural to me and she had to learn that touching me as much as she wanted sometimes irritated me, rather than convey love.

Long story short, if you know your main love language, then you have more understanding of how you express and feel love. This can help you figure out how to get your needs met, and to better meet your partners needs.

If you search here or on google for the five love langauges test, you can do it online (it's free) and see which is your most dominant love language.

Last edited by opalescent; 04-17-2012 at 03:17 AM. Reason: spelling
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  #12  
Old 04-17-2012, 01:19 PM
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nouryia nouryia is offline
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Originally Posted by GreenMom View Post
...most of our "dates" are at his home - which means there is a preschooler running around, and his wife is home too. In these cases, I'm going to work on getting better at suggesting we perhaps go to the next room for some quiet alone time.

It used to work out that once a week we'd get together in more of a group setting, and once a week we got together one on one, but changing work schedules have made the one on one days harder to come by. Ah well, few things worth doing are without speed bumps, right?
Wow, that sounds so much like my own situation it's funny... Down to the weekly group dates with our mates, lol. And like you, we've had to find ways around all that chaos for some quiet times, but it's been worth it

Good luck GreenMom!
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  #13  
Old 04-17-2012, 05:15 PM
GreenMom GreenMom is offline
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Thanks for the book recommendation - I've seen it mentioned so much on this community I had planned to look it up!

The reason most "dates" end up being staying in, honestly, I am not sure how we got to this point. At first, I can say I honestly wasn't sure what to suggest, since I'm not as familiar with his town as my own. Now, I think it is largely due to being in a holding pattern of familiarity.

I will say that our last few dates we've had a much better balance of going out and staying in, as well as solo time and family time.

And yeah, I realize how "go in the other room" sounded... kinda middle schoolish heh. To be honest, I do want occasional privacy to do more than sneak a kiss here and there, but that is far from the only thing I am going for. Last night for example we had a couple hours solo time and we spent it just talking and snuggling. Had some great conversation, that wouldn't have been possible if we were chasing kiddos. We ran some errands together, which while not super romantic or anything I still enjoy doing because its sharing a piece of our lives with each other.
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  #14  
Old 04-17-2012, 08:10 PM
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nouryia nouryia is offline
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We ran some errands together, which while not super romantic or anything I still enjoy doing because its sharing a piece of our lives with each other.

Sometimes, it's all about the little things
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