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  #1  
Old 07-18-2014, 02:08 AM
newpoli newpoli is offline
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Default Here We Go Again

Hello everyone.

I'm still fairly new to poly. My first poly relationship ended in complete disaster with not only the loss of what I thought was a loving relationship, but also of what I thought was a supportive caring friend.

Several months later I have recently entered into a new poly relationship. I want a chronicle of it this time I guess. Maybe if anyone has thoughts it'll help and I'll be able to see certain things ahead of time. Or maybe everything will go wonderfully and I'll be able to help someone else. I don't know.

Either way, thanks for stopping by.
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  #2  
Old 07-18-2014, 02:18 AM
newpoli newpoli is offline
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J contacted me via OKC. I realized that I actually had met him before at a local MeetUp for poly folks. I had remembered him because he was always very welcoming and I somehow ended up speaking to him at each event I attended. I didn't recall a strong attraction, but that I did have a bit of interest from the times we had briefly met.

We traded A LOT of message on OKC getting to know each other better. He is 34, married with two kids. He and his wife have been poly for about 2 years, but he hadn't had a relationship outside of their marriage. I am 33, single and have only had one poly relationship that lasted about 6 months and went down in a blaze of not so glory.

After more than a week of trading messages he asked me if I would like to meet for coffee. I agreed. He lives about an hour from me so we met in the middle. I got the location wrong and ended up late, which is something that I hate! I was nervous and he confessed that he was incredibly nervous as well. After 3 hours of talking we pretty much got over the nerves. The conversation was great. For a first date it was pretty damn good. I'll be honest I didn't feel a super strong spark, but there was definitely a little simmer and I was interested in seeing him again.
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Old 07-20-2014, 03:04 AM
newpoli newpoli is offline
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So date number one went well. I texted J when I got home to say thank you for the date and that I had a good time. We started trading a lot of texts. He asked me f there would be a second date and I said that I would very much like that. We discussed what to do and he agreed to come my direction which I appreciated since it was an hour drive and we were going to do this on a week night. I wasn't sure what we were going to do and he suggested coming to my house for dinner.

I was a little hesitant about having him in my apartment, not because I didn't think he was trustworthy, but to me my home is a very private space and I can be kind of choosy about who I let into it. I said I would think about it and after giving it some thought I agreed.

He said that he would like to discuss expectations when he came over.
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  #4  
Old 07-20-2014, 03:31 AM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
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Well, he's rather assertive. Are you sure you want to invite someone you don't yet know very well into your apartment? Maybe your hesitation was your intuition telling you to be cautious.
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Old 07-20-2014, 12:09 PM
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Dagferi Dagferi is offline
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Sounds like he is expecting sex. Not to mention do you want a strange man knowing where you live?
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  #6  
Old 07-23-2014, 01:07 AM
newpoli newpoli is offline
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I appreciate the concern ladies. I was hesitant at first and told him so. I told him that I was not sure that I wanted him in my home. He said that was fine. We could meet somewhere for dinner or to take a walk. It was completely up to me. He only suggested it because he knew that I liked to cook. He wasn't a complete stranger, even before this I had met him several times at our local poly meetup group. Maybe I'm too trustworthy. (BTW this happened a couple of weeks ago.)

I did have him over to my house for dinner. We had a good time. Dinner was good. Conversation was good too. All he is looking for is time and attention. Anything else I was willing to give was just frosting on the cake. I told him that I hoped that I would be able to see him once a week. Given the distance much more than that seemed unreasonable. We kissed and cuddled a bit on the couch and that was the end of it.

We had another date a little over a week later. His wife had a date with her boyfriend that night as well, so they carpooled down to us (turns out her boyfriend and I only live about a mile and a half from each other). He had me dinner this time. We talked, cuddled watched some TV, made out like teenagers and he was very respectful when I said stop.

I'm enjoying getting to know him very much. There were a few problems in the last couple of days surrounding my issues from my previous poly relationship, but I think it's better under control now. I did realize I have a lot more to deal with regarding that than I thought I still did though.
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