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Old 04-13-2012, 11:51 AM
Dee616 Dee616 is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2012
Posts: 2
Default Hello - northern UK couple new to poly (or would like to be)

Hello everyone.

Let me introduce myself.

I am 28, married (happily) to a wonderful man of 29. For some time, we have spoken about opening up our marriage, and have finally embarked upon trying to find partners.

It's not gone too well.

We both signed up for OK Cupid. It's worked brillantly for me, there are tons of men that want to meet me (no women ever reply, though, quite annoyingly). However, just as no women have responded to me, none have responded to my husband, either. I simply cannot understand. I think my husband is attractive (obviously) and frankly, cmpared to some of the offerings on there, I really think he's in the top quota, but then I am biased, of course.

Has anyone else found this, that men will reply but women do not? Does anyone have any advice for finding partners? Are there some better websites for polyamorous people? We were hoping to try a free site untill we get the hang of things, but it looks like we will have to pay, but I'll be super annoyed if we use a pay site and STILL there are no women prepared to be polite.

We are in the UK, northern, South Yorkshire BTW.

I apologise if this is in the wrong section.

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Old 04-13-2012, 09:16 PM
CielDuMatin's Avatar
CielDuMatin CielDuMatin is offline
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Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Upstate New York, USA
Posts: 1,464

hi Dee and welcome.

What you are finding is pretty typical - you will always get more "hits" from men than women. i think it's mostly supply and demand, though. I'm not sure that this is even a poly-specific thing - I think that's true of dating sites in general.

OKC is pretty much the best poly-friendly free site out there, based on what I have heard.

So, in terms of what you are each looking for... erm... what are you looking for? Are you willing to each date folks individually, or do you come as a "package deal"? What type of relationships are you looking for? There are many different things that poly folk look for, and some are definitely easier to find than others.

"Listen, or your tongue will make you deaf." - Native American Proverb
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Old 04-13-2012, 09:47 PM
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kdt26417 kdt26417 is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Yelm, Washington
Posts: 9,436

Hi Dee,
Welcome to our forum.

I, too (a man), had "bad luck" on OKCupid when I tried it several years back. My ladylove snowbunny had bad luck too, but in a different way. She got propositions from men that were kind of sleazy and not very relationship-oriented. She didn't get a lot of messages period, either, but I hear some women get a *lot* of propositions for cheating or one-night stands.

There's PolyMatchMaker, a dating site which (I believe) is still free, and it's all poly, but doesn't have nearly as many members as OKC. Other than that, there's real-life events you can attend, such as joining a club involving some hobby you are interested in. Sometimes just meeting regular folks, you can let someone know you're poly when you're "just friends," and then should it develop any further they already know you're poly and can decide on their own if they can accept that.

Said SpaceHippieGeek one time on Polyamorous Percolations:
"As for where to meet poly people, if by some chance you are interested in anything alternative like renaisance fairs, goth culture, sci-fi conventions, indie music, bdsm, or any small fringe group, you will be more likely to meet people who have at least heard of poly and are accepting of it."
I think this site (Polyamory.com) has a place where you can post personal ads, but don't quote me on that, I'm still a newbie here.

Other places you can go that might direct you to a local poly group in your area, or something along that line:


Something in this post may prove helpful to your search, but I'll have to concede that finding someone to date with (even in monogamy, let alone polyamory) is not easy. It may take a lot of digging, time, research, and patience. And ultimately it may just come down to you going out there "in real life" where you can meet people in person, just being yourself, and not being in a hurry about finding someone. It sucks, but it's often the truth.

I hope you'll be able to meet someone who's a good match.
Kevin T.
Love means never having to say, "Put down that meat cleaver!"
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