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  #1  
Old 07-18-2012, 06:41 AM
Trinity Trinity is offline
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Default How could this ever happen?

I'm still amazed by it how we ever could get in the situation where we are today.

I fell in love with my best friend; I know her for 24 years; we are best friends for 20 years now.
When I was about 15 I shared her that I'm also interested in woman, but I always ensured myself and her that I'm not interested in her. She is my best friend, feels like a sister.
I could share her my interest for other woman; and she never judged me for that. She didnt have those feelings; even not bicurious.

I know and can understand why my male partner likes her; cause he likes her for a long time now; even though he had troubles with admitting that (since we live in a society that learns you your wife gets very angry when you love another woman ).
I knew he was in love with her before we met; and I never felt myself as a replacement for what he could not get; because I know I have my own unique qualities which he likes a lot and which it makes possible we have such a steady longterm relationship.

But why have I all those feelings for my best friend now? We share parts of family-life now and I enjoy that; I know I was longing for that since I'm a mother; so that I can understand.

But I never expected I would have sex with her; and that it feels so damn good. She isnt even bisexual she says; she admitted she is bicurious however before all of this started. And this is the first time I'm with a woman sexually that it feels so good and equal; it's not aht I'm leading since I have more experience in this; we are qual to eachother and with full respect.
No third wheel; allthough my partner felt sometimes like that; but it's because he has bounderies to her and I have not (she set the bounderies to protect herself, and my partner is getting less insecure about it since we communicate a lot about it)

I read stories over here; and see a lot of that people are searching for something poly; but we fell right into it.
I don't know if I could ever with someone else. Because the part that I like is that we have such a great bond; we know eachother; shared a lot in life.
My partner and I had fantasies about a third girl when we started; he never had a desire for a treesome; but I did kindoff; but over the years I lost that fantasy; I got totally commited to my partner.
So I can understand this would ever come back.
I don't know if I'm poly; I'm not sure if I'm biseksual; I always thought that I was attracted to woman; could have intimacy with them; but not a relationship; I want a man for that; but now I have a strong feeling that I can share all of that too also with my best friend. This triad feels more complete or full or something like that.

But my best friend? Wow; I'm still amazed by it!
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  #2  
Old 07-18-2012, 06:49 AM
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Definitely know what you are talking about. We never searched, we stumbled into the whole thing by chance. We won't start searching now and just wait if it really could happen another time. Hope everything will stay this positive for you. Sometimes there is a turn some way down the road.

What I didn't get: was this about sex for her in regard to you? You say bicurious, but is she interested in you in a romantic way or just your good friend who discovered the ability to have sex with you?
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  #3  
Old 07-18-2012, 07:35 AM
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She has a very deep feeling for us, and that is what I feel in her too.
She's honest in that; but has some more troubles in outing it and feeling free with it since she is in a more complicated situation (she has a hb too who suggested the whole thing before we got feelings or ideas but doesnt want to know what happens)

I don't know if we are just very close deep friends with benefits; or that it is romantically.

In general she could not be romantically with a woman; she is just curious.
But we do say I love you to eachother and we speak of the love we feel for eachother. So I'm not sure if that is friendship or romantically envolved; it is a very deep feeling and we have a lot of attraction to eachother now. Although she is very submissive, but once going it is equal.

She is looking for intimacy like the way I do; and I guess that's why it feels so equel; we have the same longing for that. Just soft tenderness. Our first kiss last forever; well; about an hour; and that feeling stays; it is not just sex; but sex together.
I can not have sex without feeling this. I had sex before with a good friend (woman); but it just didnt felt in place; that was friends with benefits.
This feels as more, and she wants everything; but she wants us to stay two primary pairs too which we agree with.
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Old 07-18-2012, 07:53 AM
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And I'm aware that it can change; I'm fully aware of it all the time since I still cannot believe it.
We have spoken about it; I dont want too lose the friendship; that is too important to me and at first I was a little bit reservated because of this. But we talked and talked and I do trust her on this; and my partner; that whatever happens; we communicate.

Last weekend I walked out of a situation with the families; I dont want to force my ideas of raising kids. And with the differences we have in that; we can have good communication in good respect and trust; and I feel even more love with that; and we talked about that too.

The good thing is; we talk about everything; the bounderies; the insecurities; the love; the feelings; the differences. We are exploring this together...
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Old 07-18-2012, 01:47 PM
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You sound content -- I'm happy for you!

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  #6  
Old 07-25-2012, 07:52 AM
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Well; heaven does not last forever...

A few days before I made my first post on here we were told something by the hb that we cannot say to her; I guess he is not mono too... He did cheated on her many times long ago; and he confessed that last year; that's why she could do something with us if she felt the urge to do it... But he didnt want to know it if something happened...

For us, and for her that was a bit strange, but our feelings developed after that...

I can live with a lot of things, but now recently he told us things that I'm not sure of if he will never do something with another woman. He told us (me and my fiance) his desires on a night just chatting with eachother. It is just plain sex he wants; no relations; with woman he can not commit too; and I think he has troubles with commiting himself to another.

My fiance and I are devistated about it; she is our best friend, my bff; I want to tell her everything and we should have no secrets for eachother. But I'm so afraid this will hurth her so much...

She is keeping more distance to us now (sexually and time for us 3); since she doesnt want to loose her hb; and that would be totally fine to me if her hb would be honest to her.

I like the hb (but he could not be my best friend or I could not be sexually interested in him); I know him for so long; we lived under 1 roof, as roommates kinda (but with seperate rooms ). So I'm a bit loyal to him too; like he asked I shall not confess this just out of the blue; but I'm devastated; I should choose her over him; my bff and I should not have secrets.

Now I have the feeling the both cheat on eachother and my fiance are in between. Technically she does not cheat; but for me it is not the ideal way...

We still spend a lot of time with eachother; with the families; and that feels just well. Both my and fiance feel that we can agree that we cannot be intimate with her all the time; and that we even prefer just spending with the families like one big family; sex is not everything; it is just a small part.
But we want honesty...
Even the husband asks us to come live next to them; we will go on vacation together; we spend quite some time together; that feels all fine... But honesty and respect; that is all I want... I guess we are all trapped in a mono society
I can still see something grow for the future; that we can develope more honesty; but for now it is hard; and I want it out; it lasts too long that we have a secret for my bff; and that doesnt feel right. But He should tell her; not us... As soon as I can have a talk with him alone I will tell him that we are mostly her best friend and that we want to protect her; that we cannot keep this secret for her as he asked us.
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  #7  
Old 07-25-2012, 08:54 AM
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Don't do this. Don't get mixed up in a relationship that isn't yours. Talk to the husband to talk with his wife and urge him to do so but don't tell her in his place. That isn't something you should decide for him and her. Tell him that you can't live with this secret as you care for her and you don't want her to live some kind of a lie. But that is the maximum that is up to you from my point of view.

Even if this isn't your ideal way of handling things, you can't dictate how others should lead their life.
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  #8  
Old 07-25-2012, 09:26 AM
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Yep; I know I should not tell her; but how can I still be such close friends with knowing this and hiding this for her? I'm a very sensitive being; and try to live as honest as I can; keep exploring my own consiousness; so this kind of things are hard for me.

I do it (don't telling it); I try it; but it is hard for me from time to time. And for my fiance too; since he still feels the guilt he was afraid to be honest to me; so living this twice and from another point of view is hard for him too.
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  #9  
Old 07-25-2012, 09:28 AM
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Sometimes I have the feeling the hb is the winner; his woman is save with us; he wants us to be close; and his troubles are solved with having her more content in a save way. He still has troubles with accepting the grief over his betrayel.
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  #10  
Old 07-25-2012, 09:55 AM
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I wouldn't put up with it either, don't get me wrong. But I would choose the other way and talk to her husband. He was the one to approach you therefore he should be the one to receive your disapproval and criticism. I wouldn't let him off the hook easily, but I wouldn't meddle in his affairs up to the point of telling his wife in his place.
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