Polyamory's Image Problem

[Ready2Fly]

If they think about us at all, here's what we are in their eyes:



Shocking, but true. We, on the other hand, I think would be disturbed to call those people "polyamorous," even though they are (a) nonmonogamous, and (b) honest about it. But these examples are the only ones a typical mainstreamer knows anything about, and the only ones the culture of compulsory monogamy even admits can exist, although of course it is loathe to admit any possibility that love could be involved.

Poly cannot come out into the open so long as this is the image people have of it. So my questions are: (a) what is the critical component that separates us from polygamists and pimps*? and (b) how does one introduce such a concept into the public consciousness?

*whatever it is, we need to add it to any discussion of poly with the culture-at-large. Nonmonogamy-with-honesty is not enough, lest we be confronted with these images constantly.

[GroundedSpirit]

Interesting question R2F !

The media of course controls this and WHO controls the media ?

Right now primarily the right wing, conservative camp.

There is much alternative press worldwide but it's outside the 'mainstream' for the most part.

So the change seems like it will follow the other method of change. Slow, steady, until it suddenly reaches the oft named 'tipping point'.

Unfortunately it's not helpful that probably a majority of the people attempting a poly lifestyle are in the learning (relearning) phase and therefore are stumbling and bumbling along as best they can. The nay-sayers LOVE to have that for examples to support their cause.

probably take a generation or two.

GS

[Terra]

I'm brand new to Polyamory and still trying to find my way, so I'm not sure I'm really qualified to weigh in, but just intuitively, the one difference that stands out is the element of exploitation involved with Mormon polygamy and with pimping... Teenage girls who are forced into marriages and into servitude don't really have a choice. And it's obvious that pimps exploit their "stable" of girls. My sense is that with polyamory, there is mutual respect and openness between partners, and that women are generally treated as equals in relationships. I've had a couple of people ask me what distinguishes polyamory from polygamy, and that's generally what I've told them. I've also been informed that polyamorous people are the same as swingers, and have tried to explain that as well, but that's a different topic.

[nycindie]

I don't think the mainstream associates polyamory with pimps and prostitutes. It's usually polygamists or swingers. Jeez, pimps, really?

Originally Posted by Ready2Fly

Poly cannot come out into the open so long as this is the image people have of it.

Yes it can, no matter what the images people have of it. How can you say it "can't come out" while people hold these views? I think poly MUST come out into the open, because of these views. It is already out in the open more than ever before. To be honest, your whole post confuses me.

[Ariakas]

I understand the premise of your question. But I disagree with its point. Poly is simply being able to love more than one. The relationship constructs around that are up to the individual.

Polyamory has to stand on its own as a collective of lots of different types of relationships. If you want public acceptance you need more people agreeing, not a splitting of hairs that may see polyamorists left out of "poly" because you don't agree with them.

Pimps.. really?.. jeez..

[RfromRMC]

Originally Posted by GroundedSpirit

The media of course controls this and WHO controls the media ?

Right now primarily the right wing, conservative camp.

There is much alternative press worldwide but it's outside the 'mainstream' for the most part.

Even if the alternative press does slightly better than the above two pics, they still lack a good deal of accuracy in their portrayals, unfortunately.

Example...about two years ago a gay & lesbian newspaper in our state did a story on polyamory. But their example? Four young skinny pretty-boys (think Bieber clones if you know what I mean) all living in a two bedroom apartment and screwing around with each other. Lots of discussion in the article about sex and jealousy---along with plenty of shirtless pictures for some odd reason---but very very little about love, romance, emotional bonding, etc. It was a pretty depressing portrayal...especially because they all ended up fighting and breaking up after they got to be on an MTV reality show.
Sure it was polyamorous technically, but not the face of it I'd choose to represent, in my honest opinion. I guess I assumed an LGBT paper would do better than a mainstream conservative one...but I was pretty disappointed.

[TL4everu2]

I think the show "Sisterwives" is great for helping the general public to understand polygamy a bit more. I would'nt mind doing one which was more polyamory related though as opposed to "polygamy" related. 6 month long show, an hour each week, showing the differences....and likenesses of a polyamorous relationship vs a regular relationship. The bouts of jealousy and insecurity. The love! The absolute caring and understanding which goes into a poly relationship. This is a show I would record and watch every time....no matter what!

[Ivy]

Most "mainstream" and monogamous people I've spoken with think of free-love hippies, with a touch of egotistical intellectualism--as in "We're smarter/more thoughtful/more communicative/more enlightened than you, so you could never be one of us."

I have met some poly people who are like that, and I often see some judgment cast on monogamous folk, as if they don't question their own choices, or have been oppressed somehow.

Just my impression.

[TruckerPete]

Originally Posted by Ivy

I have met some poly people who are like that, and I often see some judgment cast on monogamous folk, as if they don't question their own choices, or have been oppressed somehow.

Around here? Nooooo ...

[nycindie]

I am an indie filmmaker and have been thinking of either doing a documentary about poly or taking one of my narrative fiction scripts that I have hanging around, and changing it to incorporate poly. My own screenplays are usually about relationships, and there is one I wrote that could work with such an adjustment. I thought about making it a short, but maybe I'll do a feature. First hurdle for me, though, would be raising the funds to make it. But I just might start the wheels in motion to do it - although that means I'd have to decloak out of anonymity to ask you folks for donations!