Polyamory.com Forum  

Go Back   Polyamory.com Forum > Polyamory > Life stories and blogs

Notices

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #1  
Old 11-07-2014, 02:28 PM
InformingLee InformingLee is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 13
Default InformingLee

Today I came out as polyamorous on Facebook and so I thought it was as good a time as any to start a blog detailing my adventures here.

I have been blessed that so far the comments on Facebook have all been positive (an ex of mine has even messaged me to let me know he too is polyamorous) but I am noticing an absence in a response from my family. Hoping it is just that they have not been online this afternoon/evening but I am definitely expecting a backlash from at least one of my sisters.

Currently I have been leading a single poly lifestyle for the last year or so. There's been two people that have been friends with benefits but until recently I've not had anything head towards a relationship.

Around two months ago one of my friends with benefits (who I was very fond of, to which he was aware) fell into some difficult times. His normal response when things like this happen is to push everyone away and once he's sorted things out he'll come back. Due to my being awesome (or so I tell myself) I've been placed in some circle of trust and responsibility of some of his belongings and all of his money has fallen on me to manage. I shall refer to him as Techie.

In the mean time I have started a FWB arrangement with Teigr. I am not sure where that will lead as we don't get to see each other a lot due to conflicting work schedules.

Lastly I am preparing to buy a home with a friend, Muse. Muse and I have been friends for quite some time and there's been interest from both of us in the other but circumstances prevented things occurring at the time. While we've acknowledged we may date in the future the plan is to buy this house as friends. So there will most likely be a few posts about all the legalities and learning to live with people from me.
Reply With Quote
  #2  
Old 11-13-2014, 04:05 PM
InformingLee InformingLee is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 13
Default

The last few days have been rather topsy turvy when it comes to feelings.

Muse has started to give off hot/cold signals regarding buying a house together. On Tuesday night he spoke to his parents and they offered to finance him buying a house on his own. Muse has made the decision not to go that way, which I'm grateful for but did ask him if he was absolutely sure I don't want him to regret it and I also don't want to get further hurt down the track should he choose to pursue it. On Wednesday we were pre-approved for the loan, he seemed a lot more relaxed about everything and we looked at properties online while lying on the couch together. At one moment I asked if I could kiss him as we had been snuggling and bumping heads together. He didn't say no but there was no yes so I pulled back and he admitted that it was too soon for him to be in a relationship, and if we were to kiss that's along the same lines to him. He has told me he is still very much attached to his ex which is fair enough as they have only recently split after being together for 8 years. However I think I will likely pull back from being overly snugly (which he was okay with) to protect my own feelings. Tonight they had an argument (I don't know what about, I'm staying out of it) which has made him feel unable to look over the houses we are going to see Saturday/Sunday online tonight. He's also not ready to commit to buying a house until he sees a therapist (again, fair enough) so he can make sure he's making the right decision for him. I'm starting to feel rather disinclined to going and viewing properties this weekend because, again, I don't want to get my hopes up about things if they are not going to work out. I tend to be an all in or all out kind of girl.

I went and saw Techie today and he is alright has just been unable to contact me for the last week and a half. I was sad because he's starting to get further down about his situation as time wears on. All I can do is hope for a swift and good result because I'm not sure how I'll handle it if it's not.

Teigr texted me when I went on break he hadn't realised I'd changed my swing and was wondering where I was hiding. It'll be three weeks since I've seen him when we finally catch up next week and I have already committed to a snuggle session. If only I could convince him to stay the night...
Reply With Quote
  #3  
Old 11-16-2014, 02:12 PM
InformingLee InformingLee is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 13
Default

It's been a rough last few days.
After Muse's fight with his ex, he has chosen to pull out of buying a house completely. I get the feeling that it would be fine if he were to buy one on his own (based off some of the wording he used) in the near future but absolutely nothing right now. I'd already told him if he pulled out for non-financial purposes I was planning to go it alone because I can't commit to waiting for an indeterminable amount of time for him to be prepared. So for now we won't be anything beyond friends. I don't know if that would change some day, but if it does I would have to be 100% sure that her actions & feelings wouldn't affect our relationship and I'm not sure if that will ever be the case with him. I'll cross that bridge should I come to it.

In the meantime I will be getting pre-approval for a loan for just me, and buying an apartment instead of a house. It means no dog but it'll be 100% my place, with my furnishing choices which is something. I don't think I'll get a housemate, except maybe Techie if he needs a place to stay in the future.

I haven't heard from Techie since I saw him. It's only been three days so not entirely surprising but it does madden me slightly when he says he'll call and then doesn't. There should have been two days where he would have had time to call... but there's always the chance he wouldn't be able to also. so I can't really be mad. I need to tell him that I'm okay with dropping phone calls to once a week or two, I just need a good estimate of which day so I can ignore my phone otherwise. I feel guilty when I miss his calls.

Teigr has been messaging me these last few nights. He's taking annual leave so I'll only get to have two nights with him (if we choose to take both nights) before work schedules mean that we probably won't see each other for another two weeks after that. He might be getting a job with our client which means our work schedules will definitely be different, but it wouldn't two weeks apart all the time, and we might even have time off together. I don't know if he'd spend time with me when we're on break, but at least it would be an option.
Reply With Quote
  #4  
Old 11-17-2014, 07:09 PM
SNeacail's Avatar
SNeacail SNeacail is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Near Disneyland
Posts: 1,703
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by InformingLee View Post
Today I came out as polyamorous on Facebook and so I thought it was as good a time as any to start a blog detailing my adventures here.

I have been blessed that so far the comments on Facebook have all been positive (an ex of mine has even messaged me to let me know he too is polyamorous) but I am noticing an absence in a response from my family. Hoping it is just that they have not been online this afternoon/evening but I am definitely expecting a backlash from at least one of my sisters.

Currently I have been leading a single poly lifestyle for the last year or so.
My guess is that as long as you are "single" the family members that might be bothered, won't really care. For the most part many people expect that from "single" people.

Sorry about Muse dropping out of the house deal, but my opinion is that you would likely be happier with your own place anyway. Good luck house/apartment hunting.
Reply With Quote
  #5  
Old 11-30-2014, 12:17 PM
InformingLee InformingLee is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 13
Default

Thanks SNeacail.
I think you're right that Muse about the housing thing for now. I'm not sure in the future if that will change but I'm focusing more on the idea of moving into an apartment next year, after my holiday.

I've still been hanging out with Muse. He kissed me last night. Kind of confused by it all but I'll just see how it develops. I posted a picture on Facebook that I guess his ex could potentially pick up on and realise I was over at his place... but I don't really consider her in my picture posting decision making. And, apart from checking to see if he's okay with my posting things, I'm not going to stop.

I had fun with Teigr while we could. I've not seen/heard from him since but there could be a lot of reasons behind that. I think I have another week to go until I see him again.

Techie's been in contact a few times but not a lot, still working over time and still not able to call on weekends. I've been missing him quite a bit lately as it's pretty strange for him not to be a part of day to day life and I'm surrounded by reminders of him a lot. I'm dealing with it though. I see him on Tuesday and I'm going to see if I can squeeze in a visit on Sunday too. Now that I'm not focusing on a house so much I've reverted to planning our holiday that we're taking next year. It's very lazy planning, just going through the countries/towns we want to visit and then basing plans around that.

Bringing up the poly thing around family is still bringing up awkward silence. I'm not rubbing it in their faces or anything like that, I'm only mentioning it if it is relevant to the conversation.
Reply With Quote
  #6  
Old 01-04-2015, 04:18 AM
InformingLee InformingLee is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 13
Default

So there's been a few changes in my every day life since I last posted.
Both Teigr and I were made redundant from our positions. Last I heard he went off travelling, so I haven't heard from him in about a month and I'm not really expecting to.

Muse is away visiting his family. I think we've grown closer emotionally (I also noted that his ex and he are no longer Facebook friends) but I don't know how this is going to work as a relationship at this stage. Going to have to wait and see. My mom is very against the idea of me dating Muse, she finds him weird. As my sister says though, our weirdness complements each other.

Things with Techie are going okay. They may be stuck where they are for longer than first thought though, which sucks but there's no way around it. He's been leaving work on time in order to call me more which is nice of him.
Reply With Quote
Reply

Tags
bisexual, coming out, living together, non-hierarchical poly, western australia

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT. The time now is 04:53 PM.