Polyamory.com Forum  

Go Back   Polyamory.com Forum > Polyamory > Poly Relationships Corner

Notices

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #31  
Old 04-07-2012, 03:45 AM
Jericka Jericka is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: California
Posts: 50
Default

The other pressure that women often get is to Nice and Fair and all that. It often interferes with our efforts to stay safe.

You wanted her to go talk to that guy? That guy is NOT SAFE. Do NOT fucking pressure her to go against her own safety in order to be a nice girl. I don't fucking care if you think it is safe. See the posting above about being our job to see to our safety when actually it should not be.

Don't ask her to do things that are not or that she feels are not safe.

Don't pressure her to be nice to people who aren't safe or to people that she feels aren't safe.

You do not get to be the logical rational one while making her the "irrational emotional hysterical" one. Do NOT fucking do this.

Am I being harsh and angry? I guess maybe I am. Hopefully I am being clear.
Reply With Quote
  #32  
Old 04-07-2012, 04:00 AM
LotusesandRoses's Avatar
LotusesandRoses LotusesandRoses is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 110
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by polypenguin View Post
that being said, I don't have a lot of friends and I don't want to loose any of the ones I do have. I guess that's the reason I always only look for the good in people. I want to find something I like, not something I don't.
Real friends respect your other relationships.

And I agree with Jericka and VA; you shouldn't "make" your girlfriend talk to this guy when she doesn't want to. It's horrendous.
Reply With Quote
  #33  
Old 04-07-2012, 10:10 AM
nycindie's Avatar
nycindie nycindie is offline
Moderator
 
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: The Big Apple
Posts: 6,758
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by polypenguin View Post
please be a little more tactful/clear with your statements nycindie, as it was quite interpretable. Hence the reason I felt you were calling/comparing me to a sereal killer.
It is quite obvious that you need to hone your communication skills if that is how you interpreted my words. You said you like to look for the good in people and I said "even some serial killers have good qualities," clearly meaning that looking only for the good in people while not paying attention to the warning signs could put you in danger. How the hell you thought I was calling you a serial killer goes way beyond any system of logic. No wonder Genebean has felt that you don't listen to her concerns. Developing your ability to focus and pay attention and really hear what people are saying, will help your relationship, and enable you to recognize problematic, dangerous people like this weird couple you seem to like so much. Good luck to you.
__________________
Hot chick in the city.

Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me.
~Bryan Ferry

Last edited by nycindie; 04-07-2012 at 08:44 PM.
Reply With Quote
  #34  
Old 04-09-2012, 01:51 PM
polypenguin polypenguin is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 135
Default

please stop swearing at me, it does not solve anything, nor does it make me want to listen. So, continuing on, I have not ever asked her to face the guy/couple alone. I've told her this entire time I would be there if she wanted.

That said, I have dropped the issue with her. I may still talk to them, as I feel they need to be called out on it. If they don't know they did anything wrong they will continue to have the same problems with other people.

nycindie, I understand what you mean, but words are interpretable. My mind interprets things different than yours does, so please don't be mad at me for that. If you still cannot see how I inteepreted it that way, look up simantics.

thank you all for your information and suggestions, I sincerely apreciate them. And they have been taken to heart. But may I please ask if you have any comments to make, please don't swear or be rude with me. It doesn't help, and just makes me feel bad about myself. And that's not why i'm here.

This site (for me at least) is about talking to people who understand, and although sometimes they may not say what you want to hear (like most of this bolg for me). It help us grow. Please understand you can disagree without being disagreeable.
Reply With Quote
  #35  
Old 04-09-2012, 05:38 PM
BrigidsDaughter's Avatar
BrigidsDaughter BrigidsDaughter is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Upstate NY
Posts: 814
Default

polypenguin - if this was intended as a blog, than you posted in the wrong place.

That being said, I am glad that you are able to listen. I also like to look for the best in people and it cost me dearly; when we overlooked or didn't notice a friend's tendency to intentionally cause chaos all around him (he likens himself to Loki) and involved him in our relationship with Wendigo's wife. It took a year before the full extent of the damage to us all was known and ultimately cost Runic Wolf and I our beloved Pretty Lady and all respect and friendship towards said friend. We tried talking to him about his actions and he laughed it off, so do no expect that your conversation with them will magically make them stop their behaviors.
Reply With Quote
  #36  
Old 04-10-2012, 02:47 PM
polypenguin polypenguin is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 135
Default

I m sorry to hear you've had hardships.

I don't expect them to magically change *poof,* but I do hope that they will take to heart (eventually) the pain they have caused us, and maybe the next couple they come across won't be treated so poorly.

it's a shame losing them as friends and potential lovers, but "they done fucked up."
Reply With Quote
  #37  
Old 04-11-2012, 01:51 PM
polypenguin polypenguin is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 135
Default

oh, I guess I don't know the difference between a blog and what ever this is.
Reply With Quote
  #38  
Old 04-11-2012, 03:44 PM
Anneintherain's Avatar
Anneintherain Anneintherain is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Seattle-ish
Posts: 814
Default

This is just a thread since it's in the poly relationships corner. Blogs would be in http://www.polyamory.com/forum/forumdisplay.php?f=5 the life stories and blog section.
I understand if you ask a mod to move this they can do that, or you might want to start a fresh thread one there. That area is more for telling personal stories and getting some light advice and encouragement, (as in you won't get as much critical advice there, but posting in this section it's perceived you want really honest feedback)
__________________
Happiness will never come to those who fail to appreciate what they already have.
Reply With Quote
  #39  
Old 04-12-2012, 01:41 PM
polypenguin polypenguin is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 135
Default

oh, ok. Well I think it's in the right place now then. I was looking for advice/comments.
Reply With Quote
  #40  
Old 04-12-2012, 02:16 PM
redpepper's Avatar
redpepper redpepper is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Canada
Posts: 7,632
Default

Thread remains. If you want to tell your on going story then yes, start a blog.
__________________
Anyone want to be friends on Facebook?
Send me your name via PM
My blog
Reply With Quote
Reply

Tags
breaking up, past issues, safety, trust issues

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT. The time now is 03:35 AM.