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Old 04-03-2012, 07:00 AM
metallicagurl84's Avatar
metallicagurl84 metallicagurl84 is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Hagerstown MD
Posts: 10
Thumbs up Merry Meet to the newbie- me! ^_^

Hello there. I'm new to the site. I have been searching for poly support groups recently. This is a bit of my history on poly & my feelings. When I was 12,I met my first love, JH. She was awesome, we spent 4 yrs together & how it worked was, she was living with me. We spent our time together at home & we would go to school or out somewhere separately to spend time with a bf. There was no jealousy between us & all my bfs knew I had her. They accepted it. She was torn from me at age 16. I didn't even get to say goodbye. Sleeping alone was very hard. Ever since then, no matter what relationship I was in with a male, I felt a little off. Like something was missing. I wanted a gf to spoil & cherish. They all said the same thing. "Not unless I can watch..not unless I can join..not unless she's my gf too..no, it's cheating." I was with a guy for 2 1/2yrs & he talked me into doing an equal poly with a girl we liked. He used her to hurt me & they used me to fuck each other "without cheating". It went on for a month. I was terrified to try it again after feeling so betrayed. Then, I met my fiance 4 yrs ago, JS. I told JS up front that I really miss having a woman around. He said "OK. As long as you don't change our plans to be with her or push me aside. And if you want 'alone time' let me know & I'll go take a walk." I thought it was a dream. Then my ex gf came back into my life about a yr ago. Then a few weeks ago she purposed to me out of nowhere. I excused her expecting me to drop my whole life for her & suggested a poly. Telling her that her & I could do a Pagan handfasting ritual for our commitment. She sounded Ken to it. He stuck to what he said when we met, no strings. So I'm thinking wow, this could be what I want. I researched poly to make sure I wasn't being selfish & just calling it poly so I could justify myself. Then a few days ago I told her exactly what I'm looking for in a woman. Being that I want to have a natural, homeopathic, self sustained life with strong values for my family & am Pagan & homeschool my children.. anyone can respect that there are certain qualities I need a woman to have in order for it to work. She then accused me of trying to change her & be her mommy. I told her that's not at all what I was saying & if she didn't agree with what I wanted in a woman, it's not going to work. She said "whatever. It's not going to work. I love you & always have. If you want to still be friends, I would like that. Then she blocked my page. Ironic... So now I'm back to square one.. *sigh* oh well. I've been researching poly groups & found things you need to know how your #1 partner feels & weekly worksheets for all partners to do to maintain balance & communication. I've realized that everything down to chores, cooking & bedtime need to be rotated in order for things to stay balanced. A lot of the sites I've found so far are very insightful. I hope this one to be as much so. Blessed be, Fey ^_^
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Old 04-04-2012, 12:29 AM
Moonglow Moonglow is offline
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Join Date: Mar 2010
Posts: 132
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Nice to meet you. Poly to me can be as confusing and much more work because you are constantly having to balance things. Sounds like you have had your share of this already. Glad you could join and welcome to the forum. Take care!
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