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  #211  
Old 02-22-2014, 09:22 PM
Vicki82 Vicki82 is offline
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Hey Cleo- just wanted to see how you were doing. *hugs*
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Me: 33 yrs, poly pansexual Dominant female.
My People: Mark/StbxH, my husband of ten years, now separated for 18 months with no desire of reconciliation.
Henry, 29yrs, my collared submissive, dating for 2 years and cohabitating for 1 year. Currently no other partners.
Kiddo, my 6 year old son
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  #212  
Old 11-13-2015, 10:31 PM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Cleo View Post
I had to have two teeth pulled the past year, 6 months apart, and both times my regular dentist was not available and I was treated by another, very cute, dentist in the same practice. Handsome and with a great sense of humour which made the whole ordeal slightly more bearable.
Heh-heh! Thanks for that! Hey Cleo, so nice to see your name come up in the How Are You Doing thread - haven't heard from you in a long while. Miss your posts. Howzabout an update on your blog? What's going on in your life lately?
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Last edited by nycindie; 11-13-2015 at 10:33 PM.
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  #213  
Old 12-06-2015, 06:59 PM
Cleo Cleo is offline
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well! yes, it's been ages since I updated this blog. I'm not sure I want to get back to writing and updating regularly, but as the year is drawing to a close I am thinking about all that's happened and kind of taking score, and thought I'd fill in this huge gap between january 2014 and today... almost 2 years, unbelievable!

Ren (husband) and I are still good. We have good months and not so good months, but that's the normal ebb and flow of a 20+ year relationship I guess. Right now we're in a really good period and I'm enjoying it lots! He is still with his GF Lou, the one I don't like and trust for many reasons - I never see her, she only comes to the house when I'm not here. The past year, we've managed to have very little tension or disagreements about that though. He's been seeing another woman for about a year and a half now. I really like her and she sometimes spends the night when I'm also home. She is long distance, as is Lou. But Ren doesn't mind that he doesn't see them very often, he needs an awful lot of me-time

So, Brig and I broke up summer 2014. I loved him, and we are still friends (though we don't see each other very often - it was an amicable break up for sure) but just weren't compatible at all sexually. Another thing was that while he liked the idea of poly, when it came down to the practical facts he was awkward and uncomfortable about it. The relationship sort of fizzled out without too many hard feelings.

I did get back together with Curlz in January 2014. I started spending weekends at his house again, we sometimes went away together, he came to my city and spent the night at my place. When I think back, and look at that time, I think that I was almost more in love with his house and the domesticity of our relationship than with him. He had such a lovely and well cared for house and had a real knack for creating atmosphere - wine and candles and good food and clean, nice smelling sheets etc... I just loved spending time there, and he was always very attentive, asking many questions, very good at my love language Quality Time...But yeah, two things were a continous frustration: the fact that the sex was pretty impossible, and the fact that he was always breaking up and getting back together with his other (single, mono)GF. I finally broke up with him in the fall of 2015 and while I do still miss him sometimes, it's been a relief.

MrBrown and I are at a standstill. I think at this point we are friends who don't see each other very often. I don't want a sexual relationship with him anymore. It's complicated, it hurts, I miss him, but right now I am glad that we are not communicating - I just can't deal with his fierce autonomy. I think he is a relationship anarchy posterchild, and while I have RA aspirations, the way he does it is not really how I want to become.

Knight is still my platonic boyfriend. We tried to be less platonic twice, summer 2014 and last summer as well. But I think we both know that that is not the way for us. I love him deeply and I am so glad he is in my life. We see each other about once every 2 or 3 months for one evening. It's intense, he inspires me, lifts me up, he knows me and sees me, and I think we have an amazing connection that I value very very much.

And ! I've been in a new relationship for over a year now. I suppose I should give him a nickname in case I do start updating more regularly! Hm. Bo, I guess. We met on OKC (he contacted me, he's 10 years younger, lives 10 minutes away. He's cute and funny and nerdy and adorable. He has another GF, a woman who is also married (with a small child no less) and he is in a D/s relationship with her, with him being the sub. This has been the cause of some, ha let's be honest, major anxiety - especially in the beginning when I was still uncertain about our connection and trying to feel out his intentions with me etc..
I have to say that he is an almost perfect poly partner. He treats us both as his equal partners and is completely open about everything. He talks to me about her and to her about me. I've met her a couple of times which has helped with the anxiety about the kink -because I could see she might be his Domme, she's also just a regular woman with her own stuff and shit to deal with. Bo has met my husband and sometimes comes over for dinner and spends the night - while I like relationships compartmentalized, and don't want kitchen table style poly, the fact that everybody knows everybody and is relaxed about it is really nice. Bo is completely committed to his poly life, and while I've known him, told his family, co workers and friends about it.

He's also one of the most sex positive guys I've ever dated, he adores me, and we have a ton of fun in the bedroom

So while things have been mostly good, it's also been a difficult year where I've struggled a lot with anxiety and depression. Sometimes triggered by relationship issues but also sometimes triggered by work and family stuff, and sometimes these anxiety rears its ugly head and I have no idea why and where it comes from. It sucks, that's for sure.
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Cleo - forties straight female
Ren - husband of 20 years
Bo - BF of 1+ year
Lou & Jane - Ren's girlfriends
Lin - Bo's other GF

Last edited by Cleo; 12-06-2015 at 07:02 PM.
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  #214  
Old 12-07-2015, 12:46 PM
Cleo Cleo is offline
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I am SO bad with dates... I did not break up with C fall of 2015, as I wrote, but fall of 2014, about 6 months after we got back together. It's a silly thing to correct but I just don't want it on record that our relationship dragged on for a year and a half when it was only 6 months!

So right now I have 2 relationships. I feel poly saturated, though I sometimes feel that there would be room for some sexual fun, especially now that MrBrown is out of the picture. He was the guy I experimented with most...
I've been chatting with a guy on OKC, he wants to meet. I told him not before January, but that in principle, i am interested. Still, I am not sure if I should date. I wonder if dating someone new (casually) is a good idea, with all the anxiety I am experiencing. I made a deal with myself that I had to be 'anxiety attack free' for at least 2 weeks before I would allow myself to date again. I've never managed that, the past 5 years or so....
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Cleo - forties straight female
Ren - husband of 20 years
Bo - BF of 1+ year
Lou & Jane - Ren's girlfriends
Lin - Bo's other GF
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  #215  
Old 12-12-2015, 04:28 PM
Cleo Cleo is offline
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It's been a few days since I've felt anxious about my relationship with Bo. Actually.. it's been almost a week, and this is, I think, a new record. I'm trying to analyze or understand why this is the case, because maybe that will help me with future anxiety.. but so far, I can't find anything that is really different about this week.

Anxiety about Bo usually begins when there is less communication, when he doesn't reply fast enough to a text, and / or when I don't know when we are going to see each other again. But, I can also get terribly anxious the day before we have a date, so there doesn't really seem to be a logic to it.

I know anxiety spikes when there is a lull in communication and when I, at that point, am unable to let that lull just 'be', and I begin to prod and poke and try to get him to respond, by asking questions or just saying hi (in text) etc. He will usually respond, and that will make me feel good for a very short minute, but it doesn't really work because of course he did not initiate this contact, it was just a response, so does it really mean anything? At that point my imagination goes into overdrive and I start to think (and then believe, like it is a fact) that he cannot possibly be interested in me, that it is certain that he values his other GF much more. And then I start beating myself up about being so insecure and then the circle is complete and it's a spiral that is VERY hard to get out of.

Anyway, this has been a really good week and I wish I knew why, if I did something differently. So far, I have no idea. I guess I'd better enjoy the feeling then
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Cleo - forties straight female
Ren - husband of 20 years
Bo - BF of 1+ year
Lou & Jane - Ren's girlfriends
Lin - Bo's other GF
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  #216  
Old 12-27-2015, 04:10 PM
Cleo Cleo is offline
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There've been some anxious thought sand worries, but nothing as bad as a couple of months ago. Fingers crossed that this positive trend will continue.

I spent half my christmas with Ren and half of it with Bo. Both days were really great. Reconnecting, lots of good talks, and great food. They are so utterly different, these guys, and I love them both so much.

I had lots of thoughts about the numerous posts on the forum about ones poly style - ' kitchen table' versus compartmentalization.
I love to compartmentalize, and have always done this even with friendships - I like seeing my friends one on one. Still Ren and I do have friends we see together, events and thing we get invited to as a couple, automatically, because we have been for years. After being with Bo for over a year this is something that is beginning to ... not bother me exactly, but I am thinking about it. It is like I don't like the fact that Ren is my default partner for these occasions, because Bo is becoming more and more important. Still I don't see how it would or could work otherwise. It would be really strange to suddenly take Bo to a party instead of Ren. Ren would feel left out and my friends would feel weird because Ren is their friend too. And taking them both would not be an option for me. I don't know!
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Cleo - forties straight female
Ren - husband of 20 years
Bo - BF of 1+ year
Lou & Jane - Ren's girlfriends
Lin - Bo's other GF
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