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  #1  
Old 10-08-2015, 02:44 AM
LittleStuffies LittleStuffies is offline
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Location: TN
Posts: 42
Default Journey of a Young Poly Person

I suggested doing this because I've been having what I call 'really bad poly days,' meaning I've struggled in some way. It's like something opened up inside me the past few days and only goes away when it feels like it.

Background:
I'm a 21 year old kinky person living in rural TN with my parents and three dogs. I came out as kinky to my parents a few years ago (at 19) and it was a decision I regret. The biggest thing you need to know to help you understand me and my relationships is that I am a Little.

What is a Little? There is no set definition. My definition is different than that of my partners. The easiest way to describe is is that a Little is an adult (18+ and I stress this--actual children are not involved in any way) who has a loud inner child. Some regress to a younger age or set age range, others don't, some people have a set age and others have an age range. Some love diapers (called DL--Diaper Lovers), some fall in the range of 0 to 3 (called AB--Adult Babies), some fall in the middle between 3 and 12, some range between 12 and 17, and some don't feel they fit in one place at all times.

For me personally, I range from four to ten. I love sippy cups (the one thing I've picked up from the ABs), My Little Pony, pink, stuffed animals (stuffies), coloring, playing on swings, stuff like that. I usually range from four to ten to my biological age, meaning that where I am emotionally/mentally can change hour to hour.

In addition to being a Little, I am a submissive, but they don't always have to go together.

Poly background:
My first venture into poly was in a closed triad back in February. The primary couple was G and W, a couple that had been together for 10+ years and had a daughter together. I became their Little and submissive after knowing them a month. As it was an LDR, I texted them a lot and we Skyped nightly so that they could read me a bedtime story. I knew their daughter and she knew me as 'a friend who likes to be read stories too.' The relationship was my first venture into having a woman as a sexual and romantic partner. The sexual part I didn't like, the romantic part I did, but I didn't say anything (which I now know I should have). I adored them and they adored me; things ended two weeks in because G felt I had a 'stronger personality' than him. He was right. It was still painful.

My second attempt I don't really even count as I realized quickly into it that I needed to be my male Dom's primary, not a Little to a couple.

My third attempt has been wonderful, confusing, and sometimes painful. It's my first time exploring open poly. It's almost bedtime and I still have some stuff to do so I'll talk more about it tomorrow.
__________________
Me: 21, polyamorous, kinky, biromantic.

In relationship with:
Mommy: 38, polyamorous, romantic/platonic
Nicole: 25, polyamorous, romantic/platonic
Pink: 48, polyamorous, sexual/power exchange

Metamours:
Eden: 40's, polyamorous, M's girlfriend/sexual partner
Auntie: 57, polyamorous, M's girlfriend/platonic

Ex Metamours I Talk About:
Traditional: 40's, monogamous, Pink's former pet
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  #2  
Old 10-12-2015, 07:20 PM
LittleStuffies LittleStuffies is offline
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Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: TN
Posts: 42
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For the head's up, all of my relationships are long distance.

I've been with M since the middle of July. My relationship with M is platonic and I look up to her like I would a second mom. I call her my girlfriend to the poly community and my Mommy to the kink community. She is my caretaker and has given me rules to help keep me safe and feel loved but she isn't my Domme.

At the same time I got involved with M, I also began a relationship with D. D and I had been friends for a year or two so the trust was there. It shouldn't have been. I walked into it knowing he worked 18 hours a day and his phone was acting up. His phone constantly acting up should have been a red flag. I fell fast for him, therefore ignoring the signs that were there. M tried to warn me and I blew her off because she wasn't my D-type and I've regretted that since.

He was good about keeping in semi regular contact with me for a while but then one day he had a family emergency (that he wouldn't tell me about) then it was that his phone was acting up pretty frequently. At one point he told me that he got it fixed--never mind that it was the weekend and I never knew him to take a day off. I realized early on that he would read my messages and ignore me if what I said wasn't interesting. I walked on eggshells trying to say the right thing. I told him that I loved him a month in and gave him all the space he needed--I didn't expect him to say it back. Two weeks later, he called me 'my love' and I asked him what it meant. As usual, he ignored me. I finally asked if he was trying to tell me that he loves me and he said yes. I'd later discover that he would never say it directly but loved when I told him I loved him. I do believe he tried--I wrote daily journals for him and he would respond by doing some things I requested of him in the journal. He made me smile and, when things were good, things were amazing. As I was his submissive, I wanted to make him happy so badly.

I wasn't perfect. I made mistakes when it came to our relationship. I don't blame it all on him but I won't say that I was the issue, because I wasn't.

The last straw came when I didn't hear from him for six days. At the time, I was dog sitting for family. M and I had gotten much closer in those three or four days (I didn't break up with him until day six) and I was relying on her and her new soon to be partner N for support. I sobbed into the phone, asking how he could abandon me, while M and N let me, listened, and told me they were there and not going anywhere. They told me they would support me no matter what. Listening to N's advice, I messaged D one last time and told him we were over if I didn't hear from him that Saturday, telling him that I deserved better. A day or two later, he responded, 'Kid, my phone has been acting up and I haven't had access to a workable phone.' He's 19 years older than me. I called bs on that, told him that he could have borrowed someone's phone to let me know what was going on. By the time I'd broken up with him a day or two later, I was emotionally done. Between him, my 18 year old cat passing away when I was gone, and going from being really upset and hurt about N's existence (she was sprung on me, assumptions were made my both M and I, etc) to becoming good friends with her, all while keeping it secret from all of my family, wore me out.

The only good thing that came out of D's abandonment was my stronger relationship with M and my new friendship with N.

I'm supposed to write in this daily but I've been busy and I've been able to clearly communicate with M and N about a lot of things. I spent a good amount of time feeling insecure from the time I knew about N to recently. I got so tired of being a mess and I felt horrible about telling them, yet again, that I wasn't okay. Weekends are hard for me because they're active in their local kink community and I'm just here, keeping myself busy and waiting. They do know about this journal and are supportive.

I don't have a poly support network. The two people I'm close to outside of M and N are both monogamous but supportive. The only non-monogamous people in my town on Fetlife (while I do use the same username for Fetlife, my real town is not listed) follow the OPP and I want no part of it. I was sexually monogamous with D by choice as I'm not a very sexual person; however, the people in my town seem to do it due to the men being controlling and easily jealous when it comes to other men. I'm largely an introvert and get easily overwhelmed by talking to a lot of people.
__________________
Me: 21, polyamorous, kinky, biromantic.

In relationship with:
Mommy: 38, polyamorous, romantic/platonic
Nicole: 25, polyamorous, romantic/platonic
Pink: 48, polyamorous, sexual/power exchange

Metamours:
Eden: 40's, polyamorous, M's girlfriend/sexual partner
Auntie: 57, polyamorous, M's girlfriend/platonic

Ex Metamours I Talk About:
Traditional: 40's, monogamous, Pink's former pet
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  #3  
Old 11-26-2015, 04:10 AM
LittleStuffies LittleStuffies is offline
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Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: TN
Posts: 42
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I have to write in this every day now that I have three partners (one relationship still developing) and another relationship in the early stages.

My parents are stressing me out. My dad is always joking about how I don't do enough--the house would be a pigsty without me doing dishes, vacuuming, dealing with the trash, and taking take of the animals--and my mom won't shut up. All I want is some peace and quiet. With my ADD and having so much going on with my partners all the time, I am stressed.

It's even worse because my parents only know my girlfriends as good friends and my mom is iffy of M while being even iffier of me making it to their wedding next year. "A year is not that long to know someone." People fall in love and get married in less than a year all the time. No, I have not physically met M, but we have Skyped and she has done more things for me than I can ever thank her for. Our relationship is built on love and trust and it may be different but it is HEALTHY and that is more than I can say of my parents' own relationship. I did not grow up seeing the healthy version of love but I did see a version of it that is emulated in my own relationships; we do not give up, we work through things and move on. Obviously not everyone can do this and plenty of people are better divorced than married (my aunt and uncle for example).

I know when I come out to my parents my dad will kick me out. He is strictly conservative and I am his gray a biromantic poly kinky daughter passing herself off as straight and single because it's safest that way. Getting kicked out is going to happen--I know it and my girlfriends know it--but it has to happen after I visit them and make sure we fit. After that, I'll be making plans to move to them, and I think it'll probably be them driving down here and renting a Uhaul or something. By then they will have a house and space for me. Obviously I'll be paying them back in some way as I look for a job. Until then, I'm stuck pretending.

I don't do well hiding stuff from other people, especially family.

Stuff that has happened in the past month:
Found out N is bipolar and it's untreated.
Became official with N as of November 5.
M and N became engaged!
My abandonment issues are mostly gone!
I'm doing well in my online class.
Studying the driving handbook is boring but I should be ready to take the written test after winter.
Gained my own Little boy--I am not his Domme, just his Mommy--and things are still developing. We'll call him B.
Very recently started talking to a guy M and S both adore and we're letting things flow naturally. If things keep going how they're going, I will have a Daddy Dom in the next few months. There are issues there with his existing but I have done my part and reached out so it's out of my hands. We'll call him P.
__________________
Me: 21, polyamorous, kinky, biromantic.

In relationship with:
Mommy: 38, polyamorous, romantic/platonic
Nicole: 25, polyamorous, romantic/platonic
Pink: 48, polyamorous, sexual/power exchange

Metamours:
Eden: 40's, polyamorous, M's girlfriend/sexual partner
Auntie: 57, polyamorous, M's girlfriend/platonic

Ex Metamours I Talk About:
Traditional: 40's, monogamous, Pink's former pet
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  #4  
Old 11-26-2015, 05:47 AM
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reflections reflections is offline
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Posts: 368
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Hi LittleStuffies,

I like hearing about your experiences - thanks for sharing them with the community. I do hope things improve with your parents.

Would you consider using nicknames instead of initials? It's a bit hard to keep track of everyone, especially with the addition of your LittleBoy and P.

Take care!
Reflections
__________________
Me (Chrissy): Late 20's, female, bi/pansexual, poly, married to Roger (together for 14+ years) and dating Jack in a LDR (5+ years)
Roger: Early 30's, male, poly, married to Chrissy and dating Taylor in a LDR (1+ year)
Jack: Late 20's, male, currently mono, dating Chrissy
Taylor: Late 30's, female, currently mono, dating Roger
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  #5  
Old 11-27-2015, 05:54 AM
LittleStuffies LittleStuffies is offline
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Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: TN
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I can do nicknames!

Starting now:
M will be Mommy.
N will be Nicole.
B will be Buddy.
P will be Pink.

Happy Thanksgiving everyone! It has been a very long day for me. Got up at 7ish, got ready/packed, texted people (Buddy turned 19 today), lunch at my Gran's, cards, cousins came over, parents left, and older cousin (age 22, I'm 21) gave me liqueur root beer. The three of us (22, 21, 20, and 13) climbed up the hill behind my Gran's house and older cousin helped me because it's steep--yes, I was wearing a dress, leggings, and sneakers attempting to be one of them when I'm overweight and not much taller than the youngest. The younger two left and the oldest is sleeping on the couch so we could hang out.

I came out to him about being poly during a trip to the gas station. There are a ton of changes happening so I talked about that but repeatedly said that I am happy and I love my partners, it can just be very stressful. He doesn't understand it but he was cool about it.

Pink wants to be my Daddy Dom! There are tons of complications that I will talk about tomorrow.
__________________
Me: 21, polyamorous, kinky, biromantic.

In relationship with:
Mommy: 38, polyamorous, romantic/platonic
Nicole: 25, polyamorous, romantic/platonic
Pink: 48, polyamorous, sexual/power exchange

Metamours:
Eden: 40's, polyamorous, M's girlfriend/sexual partner
Auntie: 57, polyamorous, M's girlfriend/platonic

Ex Metamours I Talk About:
Traditional: 40's, monogamous, Pink's former pet
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  #6  
Old 11-27-2015, 08:43 AM
LittleStuffies LittleStuffies is offline
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Location: TN
Posts: 42
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It's 2 am, Mommy, Nicole, and Pink are having "kinksgiving" at Pink's house with Pink's sub (Traditional) and a bunch of other kinky people, and I am in bed at my Gran's house processing.

Background:
Pink lives alone. He spends time with Traditional daily who is monogamous and is struggling with him being poly, despite them being together four months and her knowing he was poly the entire time. I have reached out to her and not gotten a response. He is divorcing from his second wife and has three kids with her.
Mommy and Nicole live together with Nicole's dad. They are engaged, share a car (Mommy gets hers back next month after repairs are done), and have been looking at houses.
Mommy, Nicole, Pink, and Traditional live close. All four are active in their local kink scene.
Mommy and Pink are close in the platonic way.
Nicole and Pink are close in a way that likely will eventually turn sexual. This is a very new development.
Mommy, who is a Pro-Domme and trusts very few men, encouraged me to contact Pink after making sure he was interested in me. I have been hurt in the past by Daddy Doms--the last one emotionally abused me and past others just got tired of me and abandoned me--so she was very careful in picking him for me.
Pink and I started texting November 18. We quickly discovered that we have a lot in common, despite the 27 year age gap. Due to my girlfriends trusting him, it was an automatic for me to trust him, since both have past trauma that makes trusting men difficult.
Pink being around has caused insecurities with Buddy who already has self esteem problems. I have made it clear to Buddy that I am not going anywhere and that I still adore him. He lives a few hours from me currently but will not be coming with me when I visit Mommy, Nicole, and Pink, which he is okay with. I am encouraging him to find a girlfriend when he's ready. We will be having plenty of phone talk time soon, something I know he needs. We are not officially partners but may as well be.

This will be edited to add more!
__________________
Me: 21, polyamorous, kinky, biromantic.

In relationship with:
Mommy: 38, polyamorous, romantic/platonic
Nicole: 25, polyamorous, romantic/platonic
Pink: 48, polyamorous, sexual/power exchange

Metamours:
Eden: 40's, polyamorous, M's girlfriend/sexual partner
Auntie: 57, polyamorous, M's girlfriend/platonic

Ex Metamours I Talk About:
Traditional: 40's, monogamous, Pink's former pet
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  #7  
Old 11-27-2015, 07:25 PM
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reflections reflections is offline
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Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 368
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Thanks for the nicknames - hugely helpful!

Hope your Kinksgiving is amazing!
__________________
Me (Chrissy): Late 20's, female, bi/pansexual, poly, married to Roger (together for 14+ years) and dating Jack in a LDR (5+ years)
Roger: Early 30's, male, poly, married to Chrissy and dating Taylor in a LDR (1+ year)
Jack: Late 20's, male, currently mono, dating Chrissy
Taylor: Late 30's, female, currently mono, dating Roger
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  #8  
Old 11-28-2015, 05:23 AM
LittleStuffies LittleStuffies is offline
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Location: TN
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Enter long day two. Pink and I talked on and off most of the day. The four of them are two hours behind me time wise. I didn't talk to Mommy or Nicole until later in the day.

Buddy dropped a bomb on me. He was asked if he wanted to be the Little of a local Mommy friend. He is now choosing between her and me. I don't feel he'll choose me.

Pink had a long talk with Traditional. She is okay with him having other partners as long as she is his primary and pet. I don't feel comfortable not at least talking to her before entering into a relationship with Pink but I will not push her and my girlfriends know and adore her.

Pink and I have also talked about our relationship a good number. I told him that I do eventually want to be a primary of his and he agreed if it develops naturally. He had me creating a long list of likes and dislikes for each headspace to use as a guide for our relationship.

Nicole told on me today to Pink and Mommy. I have several punishments and I have to research punishments all weekend for my big weekend task. :/
__________________
Me: 21, polyamorous, kinky, biromantic.

In relationship with:
Mommy: 38, polyamorous, romantic/platonic
Nicole: 25, polyamorous, romantic/platonic
Pink: 48, polyamorous, sexual/power exchange

Metamours:
Eden: 40's, polyamorous, M's girlfriend/sexual partner
Auntie: 57, polyamorous, M's girlfriend/platonic

Ex Metamours I Talk About:
Traditional: 40's, monogamous, Pink's former pet
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  #9  
Old 11-29-2015, 04:37 AM
LittleStuffies LittleStuffies is offline
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Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: TN
Posts: 42
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I am ready for this weekend to be over with.

First thing this morning I did my final punishment--putting soap in my mouth for five minutes and emailing Mommy and Pink as much of the video of it as I could. The gross feeling after I took it out was not worth the violation that got me punished that way (I was a smart mouth).

I need to talk about aftercare with Mommy, Pink, and Nicole. I often have to provide it on my own due to the distance. I haven't needed it much but I do make sure I do something to make myself happy after the punishment is complete. I have to be told that I'm a good girl and that I'm forgiven by my power exchange partners before I can let it go myself.

Things with the other Mommy Buddy was talking to have gone down hill. He doesn't know where it leaves he and I as he's really confused about all of it. I'm just going to be here for him and be patient.

Pink is into sci fi so I attempted to draw the Tardis. I failed horribly. I did the Doctor Who logo and a quote from the Fourth Doctor instead.

I worry about Pink when it comes to my Little headspace. The positive, fun stuff I know he'll be wonderful at but the times when I am regressed and need his attention or I will start crying? It concerns me. I have enough trouble when I'm struggling and Mommy is busy and I bond with men much quicker.

I know there are kinky people here but, for those who aren't, I am an adult (21) who mentally regresses (range between 4 and 10). I am attracted only to other adults. Mommy is not related to me biologically and neither are Pink and Nicole. We are all consenting adults.
__________________
Me: 21, polyamorous, kinky, biromantic.

In relationship with:
Mommy: 38, polyamorous, romantic/platonic
Nicole: 25, polyamorous, romantic/platonic
Pink: 48, polyamorous, sexual/power exchange

Metamours:
Eden: 40's, polyamorous, M's girlfriend/sexual partner
Auntie: 57, polyamorous, M's girlfriend/platonic

Ex Metamours I Talk About:
Traditional: 40's, monogamous, Pink's former pet
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  #10  
Old 11-30-2015, 04:57 AM
LittleStuffies LittleStuffies is offline
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Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: TN
Posts: 42
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Today wasn't really poly focused. I didn't even get to talk to Nicole at all today.

Pink told Traditional to check her messages online where I sent the one to her. No response to me yet. I told him that I am uncomfortable entering into a relationship with him without at least initial contact from her. I get the feeling she will try to pretend I don't exist because I'm 2,700+ miles away from them. Never mind that I will be important to him/am important to him and his and my relationship will likely be deeper than his and hers despite the distance due to the type of power exchange and us being boyfriend/girlfriend too (she chose no bf/gf). I won't force her to talk to me or anything. To be honest, I'll be surprised if their relationship lasts. That sounds horrible of me to say and I'm only saying so because of things he and my girlfriends have said.

Buddy and I had an awkward phone call.

Mommy has been busy but we did get "us" time today.
__________________
Me: 21, polyamorous, kinky, biromantic.

In relationship with:
Mommy: 38, polyamorous, romantic/platonic
Nicole: 25, polyamorous, romantic/platonic
Pink: 48, polyamorous, sexual/power exchange

Metamours:
Eden: 40's, polyamorous, M's girlfriend/sexual partner
Auntie: 57, polyamorous, M's girlfriend/platonic

Ex Metamours I Talk About:
Traditional: 40's, monogamous, Pink's former pet
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