looking for feedback (triad to vee, plus emotional chaos)

[GroundedSpirit]

Originally Posted by mianej

Sometimes I'm scared that maybe polyamory just can't work, that there's always someone who suddenly comes out as mono and everything breaks down.

Mianej,

It's not about "polyamory" working or not working (it obviously does for thousands) it's about individual humans.
As you get better at reading people you develop the skills to see potential trouble on the horizon and adjust expectations accordingly.
You say you're 0 for 2 so far so I bet you are twice as wise now
In my experience, despite all the "potential" I have seen in situations, you have to remember that things will unfold according to their own plan - which may NOT be ours - or what we saw as potential. A certain number of planted seeds will never blossom even in good soil. Too many factors outside our control or vision.

You'll be fine.

GS

[Lemondrop]

Originally Posted by mianej

...It's all a big mess.
I wonder if anyone's ever been in a mess like that and came out with all relationships relatively intact? ...

Well, I don't know if this is any help, but I think I had a similar situation. I'm in a quad where I have a relationship with both men and the other woman. My BF Sunday said that he thought he couldn't do poly, that he thought he was monogamous, and he shut me out for months--we still saw each other because of my/my husband's relationship with his wife, but there was no affection and it was awkward. It's been about nine months and we're still working, which is the bad news (at least, it feels like bad news to me) but we do seem to be making verrrrry slooooow progress, and my relationship with his wife, and her relationship with my husband, seem to be doing okay. I won't deny that there are problems, but I'm cautiously optimistic. I think the key for us is going slowly. I think if I had seen this story nine months ago I would have collapsed in despair, but really it's not as bad as it sounds if you take it one day at a time. I hope that helped more than it hurt. =/