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  #41  
Old 05-21-2014, 11:40 PM
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Oookay ... the list is just a list, it's not a yardstick for judging whether ur doin it rong. I didn't even put much thought into it, I just looked at what I saw in the thread and organized what I observed.

Good grief people. Just ignore the list if it seems inaccurate or doesn't fit your situation. It's just there as a conversation-starter, not as a Statement of Law.

In the end I'm sure there's no exact line where relationships begin/end. In fact the cashier at the grocery store could be considered someone you have a very brief, cordial relationship with (depending on how you define relationship).
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  #42  
Old 05-25-2014, 02:57 PM
MeeraReed MeeraReed is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by kdt26417 View Post
Oookay ... the list is just a list, it's not a yardstick for judging whether ur doin it rong. I didn't even put much thought into it, I just looked at what I saw in the thread and organized what I observed.

Good grief people. Just ignore the list if it seems inaccurate or doesn't fit your situation. It's just there as a conversation-starter, not as a Statement of Law.

In the end I'm sure there's no exact line where relationships begin/end. In fact the cashier at the grocery store could be considered someone you have a very brief, cordial relationship with (depending on how you define relationship).
Yes, and it did start a conversation. The above responses are the conversation.
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  #43  
Old 05-27-2014, 12:43 PM
LoveBunny LoveBunny is offline
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@kdt26417 It just so happens I was contemplating my personal relationship continuum yesterday, then today I noticed this thread. Mine is fairly close to the one you listed. Here is how I define my relationships when a definition is helpful:

One Night Stand=a one-time sexual encounter, intentionally no-strings-attached or if you just never hear from or see them again due to circumstances.

Fuckbuddies=Booty calls. You get together primarily to have sex. Maybe you have a drink or meal together once in a while, but you do not go out much together, nor do you spend the night together. There's not much, if any, hand-holding or cuddling. You wouldn't call your fb to pick you up at the airport or expect him/her to help you move.

FWB=Caring, friendship, you hang out together socially and in public, you have conversations, you might spend the night with a FWB. But you rarely pine for a FWB when they're not around. If the sexual aspect of your FWB relationship ended, you'd probably remain platonic friends with no hard feelings.

Lover=This is someone for whom you feel romantically. You are more than friends, though the relationship may or may not be headed for long-term. You want to hold and be held by a lover. Touch is a big part of this relationship, and talking. Lovers require some quality time and emotional investment.

Girlfriend/Boyfriend=Someone who has been around in your life for a while and generally knows your day-to-day comings and goings. They tend to you when you're sick, they help you move into a new house/apartment. You have some sort of commitment, spoken or unspoken, to consider them when making major decisions about your life. You spend nights together, take trips, are involved on some level in each other's social and family lives.

Life Partners/Primaries=This is who you share a home with, care of children, parents, or pets, you might share financial aspects of your lives. This person/people is your family. Your emergency contact. You are committed, legally or informally, and breaking up or losing this bond constitutes a major life change.

This continuum works for me when I'm trying to negotiate/figure out my relationships. Of course, there can be some overlap, I've had someone who stood resolutely between being my lover and my girlfriend, and I feel my current secondary could potentially evolve from FWB to lover if I choose to start spending the night with him.
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  #44  
Old 05-29-2014, 01:21 AM
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That makes sense.
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  #45  
Old 05-29-2014, 04:30 PM
icesong icesong is offline
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@LoveBunny: I really like your definitions, TheKnight and I spent some time talking about them last night in the "trying to figure out what we wanted out of future relationships" sense, since things are very much in flux with our lives right now.
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  #46  
Old 05-29-2014, 08:08 PM
LoveBunny LoveBunny is offline
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Thanks, @Icesong! Glad it helped.
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  #47  
Old 06-03-2014, 10:15 PM
GreenMom GreenMom is offline
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Lately I've had to do a lot of thinking and discussion with partners about labels and semantics. I've decided I really, really dislike them. But I guess I can see how they are necessary.

I have two fwb's. Both are very different relationships. One is a man I was in a relationship with for 9 months who decided he wasn't comfortable labeling what we had as a secondary relationship anymore. The other is a man that I see maybe once a month, we hang out a bit as friends and sleep together. They are very different dynamics but I have to use the same label since I'm not "dating" either of them. Confusing and frustrating to me! I wish I could throw out labels altogether.
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  #48  
Old 06-03-2014, 10:51 PM
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Ah, but every word (in every language) is a label of sorts -- a symbol of something. And, language tends to be squishy and organic. A particular word can mean various things depending on point of view and context. It's kind of a pain to sort that out, but, languages (words) do also perform amazing services for us in the way of making (much more) communication possible. We put up with the misunderstandings that can crop up for the sake of the understandings that can evolve in the end.

Poly/non-monogamous jargon is especially hard to pin down. There's a lot of disagreement about what this or that word means (as well as when and why). Labels can serve as convenient shortcuts, but they must be used wisely and appropriately, at times when they will clarify rather than add a layer of mystery (sometimes even contention) to what we're saying.

It's interesting to hear an example of how wide a range of possible meanings there can be for "friends with benefits." Things that make you go hmmm ...
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  #49  
Old 06-04-2014, 11:28 AM
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Last night, I was talking with a man I'd just met and things got flirty. Eventually, we acknowledged our attraction to each other and I told him I want "a lover, not a boyfriend." I then asked him if he knew what the difference is, and he said no. We wound up having a good conversation about relationships and expectations. So, the labels did serve as a starting point toward understanding each other.
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An excellent blog post on hierarchy in polyamory:
solopoly.net/2014/10/31/why-im-not-a-secondary-partner-the-short-version/
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  #50  
Old 06-04-2014, 06:07 PM
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Right; labels do serve their purpose (in the right setting).
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