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Old 04-16-2015, 10:52 PM
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Default Cuddle parties!

I just found there are cuddle parties in my city! Has anyone ever been to one of these?

If you've never heard of cuddle parties before they involve people getting together in comfy pajamas and touching each other in affectionate but non-sexual ways. That might include hugging, back rubs, foot rubs and more. There are specific rules about asking for permission and getting a clear affirmative on touching. A facilitator leads everyone in how to go about it.

To me it all sounds like a wonderful idea. I want to go to one. I also think I could learn from seeing how the facilitator(s) organise things and then try it with groups of friends sometimes.
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Old 04-16-2015, 11:19 PM
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No, I don't like touching people im not attracted to or older people so that wouldn't work for me
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Old 04-17-2015, 01:03 AM
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I've been to cuddle parties and I've never felt compelled to cuddle with someone I was unattracted to. And there were a few there that I said, no thank you to, and it was respected. I enjoyed the physical contact lots.
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Old 04-17-2015, 10:29 AM
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I've heard of these parties, but don't really get it. To me, cuddling is waaaay more intmate than having sex. By FAR. I can't imagine all that fond caressing with people I don't know and may or may not be physically drawn to. Having to outright refuse a "cuddle" or worse, being refused in a public situation and then continuing on to the next person? Sounds like the seventh circle of hell to me.
I'm very interested to hear your impressions, Halcyeus.
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Old 04-17-2015, 02:13 PM
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I've been to one and know people who go regularly to them. They are non-sexual in focus and usually well moderated so that the guidelines are followed. I think they can be a good way to get more touch in one's life. They tend to work next for people who enjoy physical contact without many restrictions on who is sharing the contact with them. People I know who go really don't mind cuddling people new to them. The cuddle is what is important, and if there is a further connection, that's great but not necessary in a cuddle party. I also think it helps to be someone whose primary love language is touch and to be more extroverted. Introverts and non-touch primary love language folks can enjoy cuddle parties too - they are just a bit less likely to be comfortable in them. It also helps if cuddling can be non-sexual. I for one cannot separate sex and cuddling - they are inextricably linked for me. I hardly ever cuddle people I am not sexual with. But other folks can see cuddling as entirely non-sexual or have sexy cuddles and non-sexy cuddles. I rather envy people who can do this. It sounds like you would probably benefit from going.
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Old 04-17-2015, 03:20 PM
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There are threads about them here, which you can find if you do a search. It is something that has become popular among polyfolk who organize or attend organized poly events and the guy who started it ("it" being the commercialized entity known as Cuddle Party, where they charge money to attend) touts himself as a poly relationship expert, even though all he has is a degree in Art. Because he and his company are marketed so well in poly communities, there is usually an organized Cuddle Party at the big poly conferences.

I live in NYC where publicly accessible meetings for people in any kind of alternative lifestyle will attract a good number of total wackos, and I've met quite a few folks who regularly go to these organized Cuddle Parties. They usually are not anyone I would even want to have a conversation with, much less cuddle!

Mostly, however, I object to paying $40 to cuddle with a bunch of strangers, whose hygiene may be questionable, when I can do it for free with people I know and like. In the 80s and 90s, I had a large group of friends, colleagues, and acquaintances with whom I had often formed "puppy piles" for non-sexual intimate, physical contact and it was quite enjoyable. Many of the people who attend organized Cuddle Parties after finding them through public resources, such as Meetup.com, do so only because they hope to hook up witth someone for sex. At least, that's what I've seen here in my city, unfortunately.
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Last edited by nycindie; 04-17-2015 at 03:26 PM.
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Old 04-17-2015, 03:34 PM
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I believe everyone gives off energy, and I only allow people who I know to get that close to me, even just to cuddle. I cant let bad energy to seep in, even if its perceived as "harmless" touching.
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Old 04-17-2015, 05:11 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by opalescent View Post
I also think it helps to be someone whose primary love language is touch and to be more extroverted.
Just to add my own data point, Physical Touch is my #2 Love Language, I'm most definitely an extrovert, and I have zero interest in cuddle parties. Cuddling, to me, is very intimate, and I only feel that level of intimacy with some very close friends, Chops, or my kids.

Okay, okay... the cats too.

Around others, my touchiness manifests itself differently. I'll hug people I know (or am just meeting). Depending on the person, if I'm in a conversation with them, I can do the "touch the arm" thing, or the elbow poke, or random taps ("Hey, look at that") or pokes, but nothing particularly snuggly.

To me, the action of cuddling can't really be dissociated from intimacy, and I'd find it jarring and off-putting to be in a cuddle party, as it would feel as though people are *assuming* that level of intimacy with me.

OTOH, Chops and Xena love the idea (and often joke about opening a "snuggery"), and Xena's pretty introverted.
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Old 04-17-2015, 06:11 PM
opalescent opalescent is offline
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Oh I wasn't saying that to enjoy cuddle parties one must be extroverted and physical touch love language inclined. Or that all such folks just love cuddle parties or cuddling in general. I have just noticed that the people I know who like cuddle parties tend to have both characteristics.

The main divide may be between people who associate cuddling with intimacy and/or sex and those who just don't always connect the two. The later seem to like cuddle parties more (again among my limited friend sample). I don't think there is anything wrong with either stance. I find it just interesting to think about.
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Old 04-17-2015, 06:17 PM
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Aha - agreed, then!
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Xena: Poly. In a relationship with Chops. Dating others.
Noa: Married, Poly. In a relationship with Chops.

Blog thread: A Mono's Journey Into Poly-Land (or, "Aw hell, there's no road map?!")
Slightly more polished blog with a mono/poly focus: From Baltic to Boardwalk
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