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  #211  
Old 06-02-2012, 07:02 AM
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Anneintherain Anneintherain is offline
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My ex husband thought me having sex with somebody (though sure, female>male) was sexy because he thought I was sexy. He also was sure he made me happy in bed, so there was nothing remotely humiliating or cuckold-y about it for him. I don't doubt it made him feel a bit competitive and encouraged him to spend more effort to make sure he was in top form though.

His 100% straight self would've participated in a MFM to see me in a happy sexual glory, nothing more, nothing less. I'm sure this attitude is much more common than the whole "getting off on sexual humiliation" thing. I've thought the idea of both my ex and current husband having sex with women to be hot, and it sure has nothing to do with thinking they are better than I am. I imagine most mono/poly situations are just that - mono/poly, not cuckold fetish people hooking up with poly people. That did seem to be an idea that got thrown out here that didn't get directly naysayed by Aurelie so it was talked about more than it might've been otherwise.
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  #212  
Old 06-02-2012, 10:42 AM
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Hi, I'm Aurelies partner, Nathan. Aurelie has asked me to post, and after reading all the thread, I want to try to convey my own thoughts, and clarify my own views to people who have been kind enough to try and advise her, but also to Aurelie herself, in the hope that by putting things down in words, it might help her to understand how I feel, and what I'm thinking right now, and in general.

I have a lot to say, far to much for one post, so I'm going to break it down into several, I hope that it will make it easier for people to follow.

I want to get the more negative things out of the way first, before I talk about what really matters to us.

Aurelie says that I am miffed by her posts, she is right. The title of her thread should have read............

"Hi, my name is Aurelie, I am upset, can you overcome guilt issues."

That would more accurately portray the situation we are in. I'll come back to what I mean a bit later.

I'm more than miffed though, I'm pissed off as well. I think she has been far to candid and graphic about our personal business, I do not understand why, and I don't like it.

Aurelie, I'm not that bothered about what people I will never know, say, however, I do not enjoy people talking about how you, the girl I love, likes to be..... "Tied up and given anal sex." I know this myself, but I don't want strangers talking about it on a public forum. Think about it Aurelie!!!!!!!! Jeez.

I'm more bothered by a few things that she says herself though, I'll pick a few examples. In her initial post she says.................

"As much as I love my boyfriend, and as gentle and loving as he is, and as much as I love our sex life together, he cant COMPETE with my lover in bed, we have the most incredible sex together.

Aurelie, I never knew that it was a competition, you know, with a winner and a loser. I'm well aware of how much you enjoy the sex that you have with Scott, and contrary to what you say, I have always known, long before you spelt it out, I'm not stupid. I would never have dreamt that you viewed it as a competition though. It is so far removed from what I think our relationship is about that I can barely believe that you have said it.

As Aurelie has told you, I suffer from P.E, or should I say, did suffer. I have learnt to manage the problem, I am, as she says "a thousand times better than I was." This is largely due to Aurelie's love, patience, understanding and encouragement. It is something we worked on together and it is one of the many foundations that our love stands on. It was, a big problem for me, it affected me deeply and at times stopped me forming relationships. It might have stopped me forming the relationship that I have with her, she made sure that it did not. I cannot begin to express what this kindness and love meant to me at the time, and still does. However, I'm very disappointed Aurelie that you chose to discuss something that I thought was so very personal and private to us, on an Internet forum. Really disappointed.

At least I now know were all this "Cuckold" bullshit that she has been coming out with comes from now. What I thought was a bit of a laugh, and something fun, has in fact been talked about at great length on this thread, and in a serious way. People have different definitions apparently. WTF

I have talked this all over with her, and as is the way with Aurelie, she gets very upset when we have crossed words. I know that she does not have one malicious bone in her body though, and I did love a lot of what she posted.

We are great though, Her, Me and Max. We don't have any problems, not really. The little things that bother us, we are working on them. It's good.
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  #213  
Old 06-02-2012, 10:43 AM
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Polyamory? I have to admit that I had never heard of it before I spotted Aurelie reading the pages on this forum. She is incapable of lying or trying to cover something up, and her reaction to me asking her what this site was about, was enough to tell me there was something on here she did not want me to see, and as her name is Aurelie, and she is 26, it didn't take me long to find out what it was. It's O.K though babe, it's just that I think you can make your point without painting such a vivid picture. Maybe I'm contradicting myself though, you know that your honesty and openness is something that I love about you.

Does the word Polyamory describe the relationship that Aurelie and I have though? I would say that it does. Now that I know what poly means, how do I feel about it? I think it's fine.

I do not need anyone but Aurelie, I love her, and cannot imagine myself loving anyone else, and I do not want to, having more than one woman to love in my life would not suit me at all. However, I don't think there is anything wrong with people loving more than one person, as long as nobody is getting hurt. I would also say that I was more suited to Poly than Aurelie, all be it from a mono perspective. Aurelie is the one that is struggling with things, not me. I don't feel the need to label what my girl and I have though, it is, what it is. I love her, and she loves me, she just so happens to love somebody else as well, and I'm fine with that.

Some people might think that what we have is wrong, I don't care, I've never been a conventional person. Some people might even think it's unethical. Well, I've never much cared for petty morals. Here's the thing though, Aurelie cares, somewhere in the back of her mind she thinks what she is doing is very wrong, and this makes her feel guilty, it's a problem. She also cares about what other people think.

She is a beautiful soul, very loving, she puts others before herself, even when she shouldn't. She needs to learn to let things be though, not everything has to be analysed, and thought about over and over again, it's not healthy. She says that what we have is special, I know it. That's all that really matters to me.

The last year has been the happiest of my life, I know Aurelie feels the same. I love her so much, she means the world to me.
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  #214  
Old 06-02-2012, 10:51 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Aurelie26 View Post
He was sulky and moody again yesterday at dinner before I went out, to the point where both his mother and Max noticed.
I remember that night. I can only apologise Aurelie. I'm sorry that I came in from a shit twelve hour day at work in a bit of a mood. It was unreasonable of me to want to come home to a quiet night with Max, only to find, two screaming banshees (Max's little pals) my mother, and two of your friends (Who you left with me when you went out to meet Scott)

I'm not complaining about your friends being round, I like them, and when Max has his pals round I usually play with them and keep them amused, don't I? It's just that I had a bad day, that's all, but because it was on a night that you were going to Scott's, you just assumed that I was in a bad mood or a sulk because of that. How often in the last year have I been like that? I bet you could count those occasions on the fingers of one hand, and it's never been because of Scott, I've never once complained about your nights with him. Have I?

You can be a bit grumpy sometimes yourself babe, and Max. Your not what I call morning people are you? When you two have your little arguments in the A.M who gets caught in the middle? It's like being between a grumpy Godzilla and and an even Grumpier little Godzuki.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Aurelie26 View Post
No I dont think he has been influenced by a friend or acquaintance. He would never tell anyone about this, he would be to embarrassed about it.
That's not true Aurelie, a lot of my friends know we have an open relationship, I just choose not to let them know more than that. It's not their business.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Aurelie26 View Post
He says that he wants us to be together long term, I told him I want the same, but he finds it difficult to look to the future the way we are.
No, you asked me if I could see this working out long term, not us, but you being with Scott as well. I did say no, but as I said at the time, I'm a day to day person, it's like what my Mum always told me when I was a kid. "Look after the days, and the Months and years will look after themselves.
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  #215  
Old 06-02-2012, 10:55 AM
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Originally Posted by Aurelie26 View Post
As I said, he told me his jealousy is centred around the sex that my lover and I have.
Aurelie, I have never said anything like that. WTF. The only thing I have ever gotten jealous over was your trip away with Scott..

Aurelie attributes certain feelings to me in her posts. Some of them are not accurate. The one quoted above is well off. The title of her thread suggests that I am having problems with jealousy. I'm not. Everything she says is borne out of her own feelings of guilt. She will feel guilty about not spending enough time with Scott, and when she does spend time with him, she feels guilty that she is not with me.

What am I jealous of? The fact that she loves Scott? I know she loves him.

Aurelie has asked me on a number of occasions if I want her to end her relationship with Scott? She has told me that if I want her to, she will. Thing is, I have never once asked her to do this, I have never suggested it, or even implied anything like it, in fact all I have ever done is try to encourage and support her relationship with him. I do this because I know she feels bad about it sometimes, and I know that her relationship with him is a big part of what makes her happy. Before I was with her, I was an unhappy mess who was still suffering from the fall-out of a previous long term relationship that I had ended a whole two years before. Aurelie and Max have turned that around for me with their love, I'm so happy, and I just want her to be as happy as me.

Most of the time she is, but sometimes I look at her and she seems to have the weight of the world on her shoulders. I try so hard to let her know that I'm fine with her and Scott, I read this thread and I realise it's not enough. Even after everything we have agreed with Scott and Mia in the last few days she still told me that she was worried that I would one day want to leave her and Max because of what she is doing.

I've told her time and time again that I will never want that, I'll type it out for you as well babe.

I cannot quantify or verbalise the depth of love that I have for you, I am never going to want to leave you, ever. I except your relationship with Scott, I always have done. Please stop trying to convince yourself that I don't, or that I wont in the future. It really gets you down, and it's starting to get me down too. When we are at home, and it's one of your nights with Scott, and you say that you will stay with me if you want me to, who persuades you to go? That's right, I do. Would I do that if I was jealous? Also, stop listening to your friends, I love them but they are full of shit when it comes to this. The only opinions that matter in this, are yours, Scott's, Mia's and my own.
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  #216  
Old 06-02-2012, 11:02 AM
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When I first met Aurelie, straight away I really liked her. When I say liked, I mean, I really, really liked her. I thought she liked me, so you can imagine how disappointed I was when she turned me down and told me about Scott, and what the set-up was between them. I convinced her to let me take her out. I told her how much I liked her, she told me she loved Scott, and that she wasn't about to turn her back on what they had. That's when she said that I would have to share her with him. In one of her posts she says that she was joking when she said this. I didn't take it as a joke. I thought about it for a bit, and decided....... fuck it, I'll give it a go. Why? Well, like I said, I really, really liked her.

So, right from the start I have known that she loves Scott. I'm not jealous about it. She says that she loves me more, I like that, but like I said earlier Aurelie, I don't see it as a contest, I never have. All I need to know is that you love me as much as I love you. Once again, I do know it.

Maybe I'm jealous about this........

Quote:
Originally Posted by Aurelie26 View Post
My lover is the opposite, sexually he is confident and very forceful and domineering towards me. He has an electric touch and sex with him is very exciting and there is nothing that we haven't tried . He is very well endowed and has amazing self control. We very rarely go out and he makes me have orgasms in a way that my bf cannot, and will never be able to............

Or this........

Quote:
Originally Posted by Aurelie26 View Post
. If it's about orgasms though, than yes, Scott is superior, he can give me more orgasms in one night than Nathan can in five. The BDSM side of things with Scott is a whole different thing altogether, its an addictive thing.

Well maybe I am, but then again, maybe I'm not. What I do think is that perhaps I should be jealous, that jealousy would be the natural reaction to knowing the above. Here's the thing though...I'm not. I admit, there was a slight tinge when she first told me, it was very brief though. I have enough confidence in myself, and more importantly, enough confidence in my own relationship with Aurelie, to be jealous of what she shares with Scott. Aurelie, I concentrate on us, you and me.

Does it turn me on to think of them having sex though? It would be disingenuous of me if I said no, it does, a bit. I'm not foaming at the mouth in some masturbatory frenzy though, and I don't think of them together that often. When I do though, yeah, I quite like it. Aurelie has taken the fun out of this for me though by coming out with all this cuckold shit. It was fun at first, but now she wants to "discuss it." Jesus babe, I don't know why I like it, do we have to psychoanalyse everything? I guess it's just the thought of you getting off that much that I like. No big deal.

Perhaps I would be jealous if she neglected my own needs, she never does, we are always being intimate together and I have never been so fulfilled, not anywhere near. I love the physicality of our relationship, not just the sex, but the constant kissing and the hugs and everything else.

Aurelie says that nobody has ever made her feel as special and loved as I do when we are being intimate. I'm so happy she feels this way, it's the same as what I feel. She says what we have is special and that we have a sexual connection. Aurelie, I really feel this as well. I like the fact that I can make you giggle when we are in bed together, it's not that sexy, but it's fun. You are the prettiest girl that there is, that's not some bullshit line, it's what I think when I look at you. I like looking at you, I like touching you. You know what I like doing to you best, and I'm glad that is how I get you off. I could not be happier with what we share together. I could never treat you or touch you with anything other than tenderness, I could never smack you or be your "Dom."

What I'm saying is, I know I don't give you everything that you need sexually. That's o.k. I don't want you to feel guilty about having such a good time with Scott. I know that you feel that guilt, it's written all over your face when you come home, and it's why you need me to be there for you when you get home from your nights with Scott. I don't like that whole BDSM thing that you have with him, it's such a huge turn off for me. I wish that I had never asked you about it. I don't like to think of you doing those things, like I told you though, that's your business, yours and Scott's, and I know you really enjoy it. I like that your teaching me other kinky things that you enjoy though, it's fun. I know that Scott gets you off loads, and I know you are a very sexual person who wants that. I don't mind, I just want you to be 100% happy.
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  #217  
Old 06-02-2012, 11:05 AM
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Originally Posted by Aurelie26 View Post
Yes, this does really bother me. I have asked him why he does this and told him that I miss him waiting up for me..........He tells me that I'm being stupid, he says that he cant wait up for me because I come in to late and he has to be up early. He also says that my son has got used to sleeping with him when I'm not there and that Max likes it. I dont believe him, and I know he pretends to be asleep when he is not sometimes.
When Aurelie told me this I could not believe it. It was so absurd that I nearly laughed, and would have if I hadn't realised how upset she was about it. It is just one example of her jumping to the wrong conclusion.

Max had started to notice that his Mum was going out every Tuesday and Thursday. He's a curious boy, and he wanted to know where his Mum was going, We told him that Mummy goes out with her friends. He wants to know who, (He knows now.) and why I never go with her and why he can't go also.

He started to miss his Mum on those nights. He was starting to get agitated about it. (Another thing Aurelie feels guilty about.) He is so much like his Mum.

Max and I often go out on those nights now, sometimes Pizza or bowling or whatever else he wants to do. I let things slide a bit, and let him do things that he is not usually allowed to do, things like sleeping in our bed or playing his games for longer than normal or going to bed later. It's a routine that has turned a negative thing for him, into a positive.

I get up for work at six, Aurelie had started to come in from being with Scott at a later time, I didn't mind, but because Max had started to sleep in our bed, I would go with him to play his games or read to him, we would both fall asleep. That's it. I was not pretending to be asleep. I was not using Max as a barrier, that's nuts.

I now know that it upsets Aurelie for me not to be up when she gets back, I don't think she needs to be, but she is. I've been waiting up for her now. I know that Aurelie needs lots of affection, and she looks to me for that, so does Max. I like it.

I feel that some posters on this thread have tried to rile Aurelie by posting things like.

"She's getting pounded by her lover, while her boyfriend babysits her Son."

That is so unfair on her, it's not like that at all. Max is my son, I love being with him. If you had asked me before Aurelie and I got together, if I could imagine being a father to a six year old, I would have said that you were crazy, given the life I was leading at the time. Here I am though, I am a father to a six year old, and I love it. I love doing everything that a Dad does. I love him.
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  #218  
Old 06-02-2012, 11:07 AM
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Two things have pissed me off, neither one of them are that bad though.

1. Aurelie went away for a weekend with Scott, as she has already told you. What she didn't tell you is that she told me about this weekend away on the Friday that she was going. I had already made plans for us that weekend, for Her, Max and I. It was going to be a surprise for them, I told her about it, and she went with Scott anyway.

I admit I was hurt, angry, jealous and upset, and it really made me think about things. My reaction was over the top. It's in the past though, and we have moved on now. Aurelie was upset when I told her how pissed off I was about it, and as usual she overreacted by saying that she would never go away with Scott again. I don't mind if she goes away with him, a bit of notice is all that is needed, better communication from both of us.

2. I had been with Aurelie nearly a year, she has a relationship with another man and I except that. What did I know about this man apart from his name??????? Nothing! Nothing at all, I didn't even know his surname. I'd seen one photo of him on her phone. She refused to tell me anything, I asked her what he did for work and she told me that she does not talk about me to him, and she wont talk about him to me. I thought it was absurd. I love her, she lives with me, and I cant even ask an innocuous question like that, for the longest time I did not even know where he lived. It really got to me, and after a while I admit I threw the toys out of my pram and started acting dickish by asking dumb questions about him. I did it because I was frustrated, I should not have, I knew it upset her. I was right about it though, everything is out in the open now, we have all met, and it's gone well. It's something I wanted month's ago.

I didn't want to be friends or to disrupt each others privacy with Aurelie, I just wanted to see that he was o.k. As it turns out, I think the four of us are going to be good friends. Poor Aurelie was a nervous wreck before the first time we met. I like them both, Mia is fantastic.

One of the things that bothered me before was the thought of Scott just using Aurelie for sex, and also the BDSM thing that they have going on together. I knew that she loved him, but felt unsettled about the possibility of him not caring about her. Having now met him, I know that he loves and cares about Aurelie.
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  #219  
Old 06-02-2012, 11:08 AM
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We met for the forth time this week. Mia had this idea that we should get together without Max being there so that we could talk about anything that was bothering us. It was a good idea.

Mia said that she just wants to get to know us better, she said that she wants us to be friends. She also would like to see more of Max. If Max likes someone he just throws his love at them. He likes Mia, and it seems that she is quite taken with him.

Aurelie said that she wants to be friends with Mia as well. She also told us that she would like it if Scott and her could spend more time together, so that they could get out more.

The only problems I have now is that Aurelie sometimes comes home marked up, and these marks are often still there the next day. I don't know much about BDSM so I don't know if that is the norm or not, I think it's taking things to far. Aurelie goes all Freudian on me and suggests it's because I think she is being branded. That's bullshit. It's just that I find the marks a reminder of something that turns me off. I find them ugly, and I just don't like the idea of her being smacked or whipped, even though I know she likes it. So, no more marks.

We met on Thursday, and that's one of their nights together, so Mia and I went out for a drink to give them some time together. I also wanted to talk to Mia about something that I felt awkward bringing up. Scott and Aurelie don't use condoms, I don't expect them to, but something has always been in the back of my mind ever since Aurelie told me that Mia sees other men apart from Scott. Mia was cool about me asking, and told me that she really does not see that many guys these days, and when she does, she always plays safe.

The only other problem I have is that I never get any time to myself. There are people in our house all the time now, always, between my friends, Aurelies and Max's, there is never any peace and quiet to be had. I would like a bit more time to myself indoors.

Scott wants more time with Aurelie. He says that she does not let him into her life, and that he feels completely separate from it. I did feel sorry for him when Max told him that he did not remember him. Max wasn't being rude, he just didn't. It surprised me what he said though, Aurelie has made out that he never wants to do anything.
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  #220  
Old 06-02-2012, 11:12 AM
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We have decided on this. We are going to make sure we get together quite regularly. Aurelie and Mia are going to meet up during the day for coffees and lunch. I've promised that when we need sitters for Max, Mia will be top of the list.

Aurelie and Scott are still going to get together on Tuesday and Thursday nights, from now on though she is going to stay the night with him on the Tuesday. This means they wont be so rushed, also Scott is self-employed, and doesn't have to rush off to work in the morning, so this means they will have more time together on the Wednesday morning. Also, every second Sunday they are going to get together during the day, Max will be with them, and they can do something all together. They will drop Max with Mia and they will get the night together. This will give me a chance to get some quiet time alone indoors.

The first Sunday will be this weekend. I've convinced Aurelies friend to go with them to meet Scott. This is the same friend that said those things to her. Aurelie really cares what her friends think, so I want this friend to spend time with them so she finally realises that all is well, and nobody is getting hurt. I think Aurelies relationship with Scott should be more in line with the rest of her life. I think this will help make her feel less guilty about spending time with him. Everyone is happy with this.

I'm so proud of Aurelie and Max, they mean everything to me, I love them so much. Aurelie is the most amazing girl.


We can make this work babe. You have to stop fretting and worrying all the time though, especially about me, when there is no reason to. The only thing that upsets me is the thought of you or Max being unhappy. I know that what we have together might not be considered "The norm." Who cares though, dont let it bother you. I love you.
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