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  #31  
Old 04-01-2012, 05:12 PM
KyleKat KyleKat is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Cleo View Post
Kyle, I'm sorry that you're feeling frustrated.

I think you really need to look at your relationship with A. In one post you say:
"Anyway, I'm not naive enough to think that this would be easy or that I'd get it right on the first try, so it's not like I'm super torn up over this. I kind of expected it really. If it works out in my favor, awesome."

and then in the next: "I'm falling head over heels for this girl and I can't figure out why. "

I have had some bad experiences with falling in love with guys I'd met online.. before ever meeting them in person. Its so very very easy to fall for someone who's not in your daily life, who you've never met, who you can project everything on. It seems (and maybe I'm wrong) you use the contact with her as a comfort because things with your wife are not going well. (and because your wife has this new and exciting prospect). But you don't know for sure A is a comfort.. because until you meet her in person (even though you talk to her on the phone) she's not really real. I understand she's real to you, because she's such a major part of your life right now, I'm just pointing out the dangers of falling for someone you've never met... because I've been there, done that, and it wasn't fun
Therein lies the problem. I have met every single girl I have been serious with online. I talked about details a few entries ago but essentially I've always gone this route. So I know the rules and I'm ignoring them. I'm not being patient and taking it at a comfortable pace. I'm being pushy which is so unlike me. I think it's because I've never had someone in my life actively looking for other people and I know it isn't a race but at the same time she's been with LA and she will get to be with B before I even get a chance to meet someone. And with both she was friends before all of this and so it's not like she has to work out the social aspects. It's not a competition and I knew going in that she would get more interests than me. There was one point where my wife mentioned to me that she wanted someone to talk to like I talk to A. So it seems like we have what the other wants. She wants an ear that will listen and I want someone I can hold and hug and kiss.

I'm jumping to conclusions. A hasn't said we can't be more, she just asked me to be patient. I can do that. She's worth it.
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"Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is the regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable." - Sydney Smith

Kyle: 27 year old male
Katie (rymmare): 25 year old female
Kids: girl: 5 years old, boy: 3 years old
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  #32  
Old 04-01-2012, 05:19 PM
Cleo Cleo is offline
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I met both my lovers online, and I am a great advocate of online dating

about the competition thing: that's a tough one. I was talking about this with my husband just today. How would I feel if he had his girlfriend and i had nobody? There was a time like that and it made me anxious, jealous, jumpy, restless, scared, and a lot of other unpleasant things. We both recognize that a situation like that could occur again for either of us - symmetry is very hard to achieve.

I guess the challenge is being happy for your spouse and still actively pursuing your own interests without feeling bitter, hurried, jealous or lonely.

Quite the challenge huh?
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the guys: Ren - husband; Curlz - bf of 2 years, Brig - bf of 7 months; Knight - non-sexual bf; MrBrown - it's complicated
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  #33  
Old 04-01-2012, 07:54 PM
KyleKat KyleKat is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Cleo View Post
I met both my lovers online, and I am a great advocate of online dating

about the competition thing: that's a tough one. I was talking about this with my husband just today. How would I feel if he had his girlfriend and i had nobody? There was a time like that and it made me anxious, jealous, jumpy, restless, scared, and a lot of other unpleasant things. We both recognize that a situation like that could occur again for either of us - symmetry is very hard to achieve.

I guess the challenge is being happy for your spouse and still actively pursuing your own interests without feeling bitter, hurried, jealous or lonely.

Quite the challenge huh?
That's the thing. I'm definitely not jealous. Maybe envious? I see what she has and I want it. I can see her cheering up more and more each day and she hasn't even gone out with B yet. She definitely needs the attention more than I do because I'm not necessarily unhappy. I'm happy for her and I'm glad she is finding people. I think we have both felt hurried at one point throughout this.
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"Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is the regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable." - Sydney Smith

Kyle: 27 year old male
Katie (rymmare): 25 year old female
Kids: girl: 5 years old, boy: 3 years old
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  #34  
Old 04-03-2012, 03:17 AM
KyleKat KyleKat is offline
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Default Sunday & Monday - Weekend Withdrawal

Sunday
I woke up in a sour mood. I went over to a friend's house with my wife and we helped him move. It took us roughly 2 hours to complete, which isn't bad when you consider most move jobs I've been a part of have either been multi-day or 8 hour events. During this 2 hour extravaganza A told me to knock off my sour mood. I tried, I failed, then I ate some gluten-free pizza and I was happier than before said pizza. I don't remember if I've mentioned it here but my son (who was not with us) and my wife (who was with me) have a gluten intolerance. I'm not going to go into super detail on that because it's identifying to anyone that knows me personally but suffice to say we stay away from gluten. ANYWAY. It was delicious. I love gluten-free food.

The day elongated, I mowed the grass (yay! my mower still runs!), other stuff happened, and eventually it was the afternoon. My wife was super nice and let me be playful with her. Then she rubbed my back with this heart shaped thing she got from her party. Basically, you boil it and then let it cool to room temperature. Then you pinch this metal thing in it and it gets harder and warms up on it's own. I don't know how to explain it very well. What I do know is that when you do all of this it makes a great back massaging tool. It would not make a good tool for any sort of non-back massaging though because it gets too warm and it has sharp seams. Moving on. It left me feeling very relaxed and enjoying my night. I talked to A for a little while but eventually we both fell asleep.

Monday
Today starts my new job. HOLY CRAP IT WAS AMAZING. I woke up and, for the first time in a long time, didn't hate having to get up for work. I got there and we received an email on some thing that was supposed to take my team (which consisted of four people today because two were out) all day to complete. Except I am a boss and completed it in 30 minutes. My new team was pretty impressed and I sent it back to the team that sent us the work and they were pretty impressed as well.

There's a lot of other really awesome stuff that I got to do at work that I'm not going to discuss on here because A. It's not important and B. I probably shouldn't be discussing the details of my job with every single person that wants to read this. Suffice to say there was a lot of different things that happened and I was so incredibly happy to be there. I spent all day super happy and didn't fuck around on the computer hardly at all, which is a good thing, considering I'm supposed to be working.

Oh yeah! I almost forgot! For lunch today, my wife met me for a picnic. She was supposed to go visit her sister but she came to visit me instead (no, she could not have done both, her sister lives an hour away) so that was epic. She brought me left over gluten-free pizza. I LOVE THIS WOMAN! God it was so good. Back to timeline.

Came home, told my wife and my mom about my day at work, grilled out, walked up to the local ice cream shop with my family, and talked quite a bit to A about Myer-Briggs (I'm an ENFP apparently, I took two different ones to be sure) and talked to her about my day at work (and gave her a lot more details than I gave here) and all kinds of awesome.

Today was a really good day.
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"Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is the regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable." - Sydney Smith

Kyle: 27 year old male
Katie (rymmare): 25 year old female
Kids: girl: 5 years old, boy: 3 years old
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  #35  
Old 04-03-2012, 03:39 AM
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LotusesandRoses LotusesandRoses is offline
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Sounds like a nice day, Kyle. I'm not gluten intolerant, but I try to avoid it in excess as well.
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  #36  
Old 04-03-2012, 04:04 AM
KyleKat KyleKat is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LotusesandRoses View Post
Sounds like a nice day, Kyle. I'm not gluten intolerant, but I try to avoid it in excess as well.
It upsets my stomach now that I've eaten it less. I am going to eventually transition to no gluten because even a little makes me feel bloated. It's just so much easier to digest non-gluten products. It also limits a lot of the processed food we can eat and since my wife gets cluster headaches from MSG it's best to avoid that as well.
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"Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is the regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable." - Sydney Smith

Kyle: 27 year old male
Katie (rymmare): 25 year old female
Kids: girl: 5 years old, boy: 3 years old

Last edited by KyleKat; 04-03-2012 at 04:07 AM.
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  #37  
Old 04-06-2012, 02:31 AM
KyleKat KyleKat is offline
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Default Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday - Working Out

Tuesday
Tuesday was a crappy day. Katie was super stressed and although I had a good day at work when I came home I did something that I thought would help her and it ended up making her mad and we fought for a long time. Hurtful things were said and I took the kids out of the house to give her some space. When I came back she was fine and in a seemingly good mood but I was still upset so I went to play on the computer for a while. When it was time to work out I went out there and she asked me what was wrong. I basically unloaded everything I had been bottling up on her and told her that I understand she's not a talky person when she's in a bad mood but if she's not going to talk to me then she has to give me extra time to cool off because I can't just go into another room and be alone and calm down. I need to talk to people or I need a very long time to get over it, because I stew until my temper cools enough that logic kicks in. I told her she can't have it both ways. She either talks to me or she gives me enough space to not be flaming hot. We worked out and both of us felt quite a bit better afterwards.

I spoke to A throughout most of this fight and while I don't think she was actually siding with my wife, I felt like she thought I was going overboard. I probably was. I'm not saying A or I fought, because we didn't. I'm saying it for documentation's sake. I felt distant from both of them. That means the problem lies with yours truly. Maybe not always, but on Tuesday, that was the case. Ah well. It's in the past now.

Wednesday
Wednesday was a pretty good day. Katie brought the kids in to eat lunch with me again. When I got home Katie wanted to cuddle and kiss and be close. She didn't want to be sexual, she just wanted my attention. We ended up putting up our phones for several hours so that it was just us and we laid there and relaxed and cuddled on the couch (instead of working out). After Katie went to bed I spoke to A. She had had a pretty eventful day and had said quite a bit to me over text while my phone was put up. I felt bad for ignoring her when she pays so much attention to me all the time and I made it up to her. I also read several comics that I had bought and hadn't had a chance to read yet.

Thursday
Today has been largely uneventful. The night isn't over yet but it's getting there. Katie and I worked out, A has been busy with her own working out (everyone's getting fit! what what!) and the kids have been driving me nuts. I need to stop missing workouts. It's a serious impact on my mood and Katie said I was being snappy. Post-workout I feel much better. I plan on reading through some more comics, trying to catch up before Saturday (the day I typically go to the comic shop). A is available now so I'm going to go talk to her instead of you punks. :P

PS: I've left a voice mail for A every day mentioned in this post. I left it right after work, knowing she couldn't answer. It seems to really boost her spirits, and it makes me feel good because I get to ramble on about technical stuff for a little bit and know the person on the other end enjoys what I'm talking about. Katie gladly listens to my day but she is not interested in technology and my rambling frequently causes her to drool from boredom. To be clear, that's not a complaint. Everyone has their likes and dislikes and I don't mind. I try to make the stories exciting but sometimes talking about internet security is just boring. haha
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"Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is the regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable." - Sydney Smith

Kyle: 27 year old male
Katie (rymmare): 25 year old female
Kids: girl: 5 years old, boy: 3 years old
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  #38  
Old 04-10-2012, 07:17 PM
KyleKat KyleKat is offline
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Default Friday through Monday - Stripped Away

Friday
After work was a happy hour for me due to my recent change in jobs. Several people from work, plus my wife, attended. We had a good time and all things went well and eventually the night got old and there were only five of us. The same group of five that was there last time we had a Happy Hour (minus my wife, she was in LA). Same as last time, it was suggested that we go to the nearby Strip Club. It may have been my suggestion. Okay, it was my suggestion. This time the suggestion took and off we went. It. was. AMAZING! I'm not going to go into details but my wife and I had a ton of fun. So much fun that we had some fun of our own that night and the following morning. Yay!

Saturday & Sunday
Our son has really been cranky lately. He was the source of a lot of frustration for us on both of these days and we ended up fighting pretty badly with one another. Sunday evening we went to my family's for Easter and that helped calm both of us down quite a bit.

Monday
My wife brought me lunch and then asked me to come straight home after work because my son was still being bonkers. We had a relaxing evening talking to one another and laying by one another and just being close while my kids slept. It was great.

Throughout those four days A and I talked a little, but not as much as we normally do. Unfortunately for me, she's pretty busy with her life right now and understandably I'm going to get put on the bench while she figures some of it out.

However, Katie referred to A as my girlfriend for the first time and I initially rejected the idea simply because I have never met A before. I spoke to A about it and... well, the important part is that her and I are on the same page and even if it is only in reference to LDR, I can now officially refer to her as my girlfriend. Wee!
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"Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is the regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable." - Sydney Smith

Kyle: 27 year old male
Katie (rymmare): 25 year old female
Kids: girl: 5 years old, boy: 3 years old
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  #39  
Old 04-10-2012, 07:28 PM
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LotusesandRoses LotusesandRoses is offline
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Being 3 is incredibly hard - You're old enough to be aware of all the limits and expectations being imposed on you. It's no fun.

It sounds like you guys are doing the best you can with being a young couple. Kudos.
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  #40  
Old 04-13-2012, 05:58 PM
KyleKat KyleKat is offline
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Default Day doesn't matter

Sometime this week my wife brought to my attention that she would rather focus on us than on other relationships. A lot of things were said and I can't remember them all. Here is what I can:

1. She feels I have emotionally cheated on her in the past and although I no longer do what she considers cheating she doesn't trust me. This means she has never trusted me because what she considers cheating happened very early on.

2. She regrets going to LA

3. She is no longer speaking to LA for the time being (her choice not mine).

4. I am not required to stop but if I don't it will very likely hurt her.

5. At this point she still believes having an open marriage is viable although she doesn't know if that will be the case after counseling.

6. She wants me to share her but she doesn't want to share me. I told her this is not an option because I'm already upset she came to this conclusion after going to LA and after I started caring very deeply about A but before I got to meet A. It's unfair. It's bullshit. Such is life. I'm letting it go.

I spoke to A about all of this. We are going to remain friends but nothing more until Katie is sure she what she wants. Katie insists there's no way she could ever be truly sure until it happens so I should just do it (after counseling) and we will deal with the consequences after. I don't think I can handle that kind of risk. I don't want to lose her over this. She says that won't happen. I doubt very much that's the truth but it's what she said and I trust her so we will see.

Even coming to this site is painful because this is who I have always been and always wanted and I got a taste of it and now it's being ripped from my hands. I'm not going to actively seek out someone new during our current hardship and besides A is the person that I want to be with and I can't until we figure this shit out so no matter what I'm stuck.

Damnit.
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"Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is the regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable." - Sydney Smith

Kyle: 27 year old male
Katie (rymmare): 25 year old female
Kids: girl: 5 years old, boy: 3 years old
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