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  #1  
Old 03-22-2012, 10:38 AM
JadeM JadeM is offline
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I am interested in this lifestyle but afraid my husband won't be. I have been married 18 years and love him and trust him with my life. I find that i am searching for more satifying connections while keeping to my marriage vows. I have never strayed from him but wish I had at times. We have had discussions about swinging but he doesn't seem open. What advice can anyone give me?
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Old 03-22-2012, 10:53 AM
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clairegoad clairegoad is offline
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How long ago did you have discussions about swinging?

Now might be a good time to talk about Poly in a general way... find out what he thinks. Maybe he's been interested in female friends in the past.

The WRONG way to do this.. is cheating.. Keep talking to him. Even if he says "Absolutely NO."

Hang around with others who are poly.. encourage him to come to meetings, hang out here. Start a discussion about posts here...

Give him time to warm up to the idea. It may take a while.... This is different than swinging. and the emotional connection can be threatening to someone who is starting out.

Keep talking, keep communicating... Plant the seed and let it grow.
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Old 03-22-2012, 11:15 AM
JadeM JadeM is offline
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We talked initially 3 years ago while we were going through a rough patch. The subject came up again last week while having a relaxing weekend with another couple we have known for 18 years in Las Vegas. Is there any conventions coming up? I am interested. I need help in bring up the subject so he doesn't get upset and think i just want i want to cheat on him. He has cheated on me in the past and he bring up that is was a big mistake. I am not sure what to do.
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Old 03-22-2012, 12:04 PM
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FrankLee FrankLee is offline
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Don't have any answers, really, but send you well wishes in your search. There probably isn't a better place to figure it out than here. Take your time. I'm taking mine, and have just begun the journey.
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Old 03-22-2012, 02:50 PM
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NovemberRain NovemberRain is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by JadeM View Post
We talked initially 3 years ago while we were going through a rough patch. The subject came up again last week while having a relaxing weekend with another couple we have known for 18 years in Las Vegas. Is there any conventions coming up? I am interested. I need help in bring up the subject so he doesn't get upset and think i just want i want to cheat on him. He has cheated on me in the past and he bring up that is was a big mistake. I am not sure what to do.
Talking about it during a rough patch is definitely a rough way to go. Not highly recommended. (the saying is 'relationship broken, add more people' and it doesn't work very well)

The fact that he cheated on you in the past might be a perfect way to bring it up. 'hunny, what if you had been able to be with her (or him) and it wasn't cheating? Would that have been less of a mistake?'
I think that will only work if that could be true for you.

You also might work with the idea of allowing him to feel his feelings. I totally understand you want to avoid any undue hurt. But no matter what you say, he might choose to get upset over it. That's okay. People have feelings. Should you two decide to open up your marriage and see other people there will likely be lots of big feelings of all kinds.
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with FirstBoyFriend (FBF)(moderately long-distance)
and no longer with CurrentBoyFriend (CBF)(who lives in the apartment building next door)
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