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Old 03-21-2012, 12:05 AM
dingedheart dingedheart is offline
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Old 03-21-2012, 12:51 AM
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Shannanigan Shannanigan is offline
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It might be rare, but as some people mention, it will depend on your definition of "happily" married. Every relationship is different - I've found that I've had a much easier time enjoying my relationships for what they are in the moment as they develop rather than holding each person up to a marriageability measuring stick and deciding how/weather to proceed based on those results. My relationships are "happier" with this mindset, though I'm less worried about the "married" part.
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Old 03-21-2012, 01:02 AM
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AnnabelMore AnnabelMore is offline
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"People have stayed in jobs their whole life despite the boredom. If you told your boss that you want an open work relationship how do you think he/she would take that?"

Um, that's called having multiple jobs. Lots and lots of people do that and their bosses are fine with it as long as it doesn't affect their work performance. This is by no means a perfect analogy, but if anything it speaks in favor of the possibility of having one main, primary relationship (full time job) and one or more casual flings or secondary relationships (consulting gigs or part-time weekend jobs). Geez, these people can't even insult a concept cogently.
The major players. Me, 30ish bi female. Gia, girlfriend of 4+ years. Clay, boyfriend/dom. Davis, ex/friend/"it's complicated." Eddie, roommate & fwb.
The supporting cast. Eric, Gia's husband. Bee, Gia and Eric's toddler. Dexter, Gia's lover. Helen, Eric's lover. Izzy and Nikki, Clay's partners. Liam, Eddie's husband.
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Old 03-21-2012, 02:08 AM
Icewraithonyx Icewraithonyx is offline
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I would probably say it's not extremely rare but rare so True. But I think the same is true for any model of relationships. Relationships are hard. Long-term success at any thing hard is rather rare.
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Old 03-21-2012, 02:34 AM
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redpepper redpepper is offline
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In regard to the "open job" point that someone tried to make: we could call "cheating," "moonlighting." I guess in poly we could just call it "relationship moonlighting" actually as "moonlighting" doesn't necessarily imply deceit.

That list of quotes is painful. I find it pathetic and painfully sad. I feel bad for them actually; that they might propetuate hate that way and bully people into their kind of relationship style. How stifflingly their inner prisons are. Gah! I wish them luck, but seriously, I feel really sad for them.
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Old 03-21-2012, 03:59 AM
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NovemberRain NovemberRain is offline
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Originally Posted by veryinterested View Post
To expand, my original question was whether it was possible to be with the same person sexually for a lifetime and not get bored. I also mentioned that I was interested in an open relationship, but my fiance was not.
I believe it is possible to be with one person for a lifetime and not be bored. I don't, however, personally know anyone for whom that's true. I know a lot of folks.

The person you marry at 20, or even 30, will not be the person you find yourself married to at 70, or even, likely, 60 (even if they have the same name and weight as they did when you married them). People change. I find people endlessly fascinating. One or many, they all fascinate me.

I also noticed nobody said it depends on what you call 'long term.' [from the original post] If that means till you die, I dunno. I know there's a poly tangle on here in which the married couple has been together 14 years (although married slightly fewer years than that). I haven't had any relationships that long. ('cept parents, and that's not pertinent to this discussion)

I'm glad you found this place. Much better for answers to poly questions than yahoo.
Love is that condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own...
Robert A. Heinlein

Me: female, bi, (formerly hinge of a vee)
with FirstBoyFriend (FBF)(moderately long-distance)
and no longer with CurrentBoyFriend (CBF)(who lives in the apartment building next door)
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Old 03-21-2012, 07:23 AM
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Phy Phy is offline
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Hm, I guess I know some of those 'life-long', happily and some decades together people. As some are still alive, the life-long may be in question but they are all 50 to 70+ and happily married to their first wife/husband. That's why I have had such a hard time coming to terms with my desires for a second man, while loving my husband. I was surrounded by all those picture perfect mono marriages. My grandparents were of the life-long kind, my grandmother died shortly after my grandfather because she was missing him so much. My neighbours (the oldest couple, age of my grandparents), whom we are all friends with, are inseparable and their daughter and her husband (a bit younger than my parents) reach 20-something this year in their marriage, my parents celebrated silver marriage last year and so on and so forth if you look around in my neighbourhood, relatives, friends most are happily married. (Not this fassade like happy marriage, that I am sure of.)

That's why I found it so hard to not be the norm. When I realized that it didn't matter, that the love was still there for my husband, I felt kind of relieved. It was possible to be happy even though it wasn't fitting in the norm I was used to. From then onward, things got better for my emotional health. We opened the marriage, even though I have the feeling that we closed it again right away to a 'three-person-marriage' kind of, but we are happy.

I am with NovemberRain: People are endlessly fascinating. My husband isn't the man I married and isn't the boy I met when we were 17. We reach 12 years in September this year and there are many things that changed and that I came to love when I discovered them over time. (Some I don't like as well, but well, that's the nature of the game ). I always understood how lifelong attraction could be possible, but I guess it is some kind of a gamble. There is no guarantee that you will fall in love with the changed and new person your partner will become with time passing by, but there is the possibility that you will. It happened for us till now, I hope this will continue in the future as well.

And I think, it is kind of double fascinating to have the opportunity to experience this multiple times. I am still in the phase of learning about my new spouse. Things are fresh, but I experience with him, what I experience with Sward, but 100 times faster, as he has so many things I still need to discover and kind of 'rate' how much I like or dislike them. Sward and I know each other well, therefore new traits of our personality don't develop that fast for each other. But it is great to find new ones and expand the picture of the person you love a bit more and get the feeling to love him/her even more because of that. It makes me feel closer to him every time it happens.

So, to answer your question: It is possible, in the traditional way or the non-traditional poly one. At least from my point of view. As attraction (emotional, physical) comes by itself.
Facts: 30, female, bi, v-type relationship with Sward (husband, straight, mono) and Lin (boyfriend, straight, mono), poly-fi and co-primary.

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Old 03-21-2012, 05:25 PM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
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Originally Posted by clairegoad View Post
Just curious... where did you post this?
Originally Posted by veryinterested View Post
Yahoo Answers. I've learned recently that 95% of the people on YA are conservative Christians.
Bwa-ha-ha-ha! Oh my. Hey, I'm on Yahoo Answers, too. It is NOT mostly conservative Christians, but it is a lot of teenagers and people from all over the world with very different cultures applying their viepoint. There are a few really good, serious topics there, but any of the stuff that gets posted in the relationship sections will get similar answers to what you got. That's where you go for answers on anything but relationships! Hahahaha, wow. Most people just answer to increase their points level - you can't take anything there seriously! Not a thing.
The world opens up... when you do.

Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me. ~Bryan Ferry
"Love is that condition in which another person's happiness is essential to your own." ~Robert Heinlein

Last edited by nycindie; 03-21-2012 at 05:30 PM.
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Old 03-21-2012, 05:57 PM
feelyunicorn feelyunicorn is offline
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Even if the original equation were true, it might say more about marriage than about open relationships. I personally don`t see what's so hot about costumes, rings, and PDA in front of family members, but to each their own.
Independent, sex-positive, bi-curious, private, atheist, elitist, athletic dude.

Last edited by feelyunicorn; 03-21-2012 at 06:07 PM.
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Old 03-21-2012, 06:09 PM
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OkNewbs OkNewbs is offline
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Forgive me if this has been mentioned, but there is a natural ebb & flow to every kind of relationship. Some people don't have the stick-to-it-ness that is required for a long term relationship. Some people quit when it gets tough. Some people secretly "strategically cheat" during those ebbs. I know of some situations where the partner had no idea it ever happened & they stayed married & always thought the other was happy in it.

There are so many variables to consider that I'm not sure it's possibly to quantify an answer here.

The more important question, I think, is: Would it work for YOU?
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Patrick: Husband, Straight, 23 year old dad to 1

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judgment, open relationships

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