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Old 02-26-2010, 05:46 PM
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Default sex questions

Is there differences between different types of sexual activity?

If there is, what are they and what types work better for you, what types do you avoid or not like?

What do different types of sex make you feel like?

What is the value of experiencing different types of sex or not?

How does one partner over several make a difference in answering these questions?

What is the purpose of experiencing sex in different ways, with one person or more than one?
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Old 02-26-2010, 06:10 PM
Ariakas Ariakas is offline
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For some clarity are you talking about the physical differences in sex, or the emotional or both?
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Old 02-26-2010, 06:18 PM
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I guess I am looking for differences in the over all quality of it. Not things like 69 verses missionary. More emotional stuff, the nature of the experience, fluid bonded sex over sex with physical barriers. All of it, any of it. What does it all bring to the table and why is it so important?
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Old 02-26-2010, 09:20 PM
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I definitely find a huge quality difference between sex with a loved one and from when I used to have sex with people I wasn't emotionally connected to. Part of that may just be natural growth, I was a different person then, but "making love" is a lot more fulfilling and pleasurable than "fucking."

Besides the physical expression of the love we share, it's also just better sex. When you're with someone who cares about you and loves you and cares about whether you're having fun, you're bound to have more fun than with someone with whom you're just masturbating on/into each other.

My husband is really into fisting and that's largely for the power exchange. He loves the "puppeteer" analogy. His emotions with that are vastly different than when we have sex. In fisting other people, he loves the ability to take them to an amazing place, give them an earth-shattering orgasm the likes of which they've never imagined, and leave them puddled in a heap. When we make love, it's much more emotional and considerate. We cuddle after, talk about our feelings (he doesn't really like to talk about his feelings, so that's something I really enjoy), and basically ride the oxytocin wave.
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Old 02-27-2010, 04:48 AM
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Sex for me is a language, and an energy, and each person I am sexual with has their own sexual "fingerprint". It is this unique expression that is meaningful for me, not any particular act or expression. The way one partner performs oral is vastly different in energy, intent and skill than another. The shape of someone's body (or their gender) lends expression to how they touch and move with a partner. A lover's age and experience level make them special at a particular place and time. Above all, sex is, for me, a way of exchanging love in a very pure form -- one that doesn't necessarily need a longterm commitment (though it does require trust) and one that should leave each person feeling nourished, cherished and full of joy.

VERY good question.
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Old 02-27-2010, 04:52 PM
GroundedSpirit GroundedSpirit is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by geminigirl View Post
Sex for me is a language, and an energy, and each person I am sexual with has their own sexual "fingerprint". It is this unique expression that is meaningful for me, not any particular act or expression. The way one partner performs oral is vastly different in energy, intent and skill than another. The shape of someone's body (or their gender) lends expression to how they touch and move with a partner. A lover's age and experience level make them special at a particular place and time. Above all, sex is, for me, a way of exchanging love in a very pure form -- one that doesn't necessarily need a longterm commitment (though it does require trust) and one that should leave each person feeling nourished, cherished and full of joy.
I think this quote sums up our opinions up about as well as could be done. Very nice GeminiGirl !

One thing I might add to this - although it still follows all of the same parameters as above regards multi-partner sex.
We found that there certain options that multiple people can bring that are just impossible with two and some of those are things we both enjoy. VERY much. (ok - let your imaginations wander).

And we've (figured out?) how this proceeds without falling short of that "love in a pure form" concept. Just more love in more forms.

For us - we feel 3 seems to be an optimal number. More seems to become either sensory (physical/emotional) overload or makes it hard to focus on a natural flow. But maybe we're just not skilled enough yet LOL.
Have had 4 work as well but requires VERY special and connected people. Not common.

GS
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Old 02-27-2010, 06:29 PM
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Nice! I agree that love can be pure when shared with more than one person at a time (that's why I'm poly, after all)!
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Old 02-27-2010, 09:24 PM
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Ohhh, I'm blushing furiously at the thought of answering some of these questions, but I also think I need to :P I'm very, very shy in general and can be very passive when it comes to sex. I think having 2 very different partners (hubby & bf) has gone a long way to bring me out of my shell though.
Sex with my husband has always been comfortable, loving, very satisfying. Perhaps not as 'adventurous' until recently as we've been talking alot more, communicating much better in general. There has been a bit of a shift in our sexual appetites as we verbalize our wants, needs, and desires more readily now. However we are both confident in knowing what the other likes and speaking honestly with each other, we enjoy our sex life.
Sex with my bf is more frequent and 'lustful', some of that may be NRE, he's also much more confident and experienced, teaching me alot about myself and what I like. We enjoy trying new things and we've been learning what the other likes, which can be very exciting.

Valentines weekend was quite 'exhausting' as I had a sultry, sexy, black and pink lingerie and garters for my husband and a more bold, tight, black & red corset and boots for my bf. And I was completely comfortable in them both. I have no desire for sex with one to be more like the other, I quite like the differences between them.
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Old 02-28-2010, 05:58 AM
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I was talking to Redpepper about this thread earlier. She asked me if I was going to comment and, at first I said no as I felt I had spoken at great length about this on another thread http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=493

I will make another comment on this though, short and to the point. There have been three different types of sex in my life. One that involved wanting to experience new things but not necessarily new people. One that involved casual sex out of a desire to replace the function of my hand with the body parts of a woman. And one that became a form of communication with the person I love.

There is nothing sexually denied to me, so the first one is not an issue. The second one is not a part of my life; if I want to masturbate I'll use my hand, not the borrowed body parts of a human being. The third is where I find satisfaction and purpose to sex.
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Old 02-28-2010, 06:16 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by redpepper View Post
Is there differences between different types of sexual activity?

If there is, what are they and what types work better for you, what types do you avoid or not like?

What do different types of sex make you feel like?

What is the value of experiencing different types of sex or not?

How does one partner over several make a difference in answering these questions?

What is the purpose of experiencing sex in different ways, with one person or more than one?
I guess I could answer my own questions...

I love what people have written so far... it's hard to talk about sex, but really important I think. Thanks for posting.

So, the differences to me seem to be that there are those that think sex with others is a way communicate and have fun. There is a level of excitement to it that comes from getting naked and seeing what their talents are and how they do things. It seems to me that it is playful, sexy and can be shared with everyone as a way to get to know each other and have a good time.

Another way is that it is immediately a soul connection that brings a person to another level of depth and commitment to them in the form of giving themselves entirely. This happens regardless of the situation and regardless of whether they want to or not... It is a spiritual bonding that is the biggest display of love and respect for another and their respect and love back.

Okay, can they merge together? yes I think so, and I think that some people can have different experiences with different people or at different times with the same person. I think that both can further their knowledge of a person and create more depth with them at the same time.

I don't think that the way a person conducts their sex life is so much an issue for me as how much they preach that their way is the better way and that anything else is bullshit. I really struggle with that. It's very assuming and disrespectful and doesn't allow for people to decide for themselves what is right for them...

I guess I asked this question because it seems to me that most people (I might be wrong in this) have no idea that anyone might have a different take on sex and therefore assume that whatever they do is going to be okay because they make the assumption that everyone thinks the same way.

I have noticed that sometimes people get together with people that don't have the same values and nature as they do sexually and struggle from day one with that. This is why I thought it might be a good discussion. Especially when one person is more of the deep, loving bonding type and their partner the weeee... lets fuck anyone type. It seems to me that the one with the emotional connection to sex suffers every time in this. Whereas the one who wants to play around with everyone somehow has to come out on top, because they are the ones that are suppose to be suffering more. Why is it that the one with the emotions around sex seems to have to suck it up and take it more often than not? Is it me, or does that seem to be the case?

There is only one couple I know of that I have recently met that are airing on the side of the emotionally connected one. He has decided that he will do everything possible to make sure his love is comfortable by NOT following through on his sex style and engaging a bunch of women he knows sexually. I am sure this is hard for him, but he sees it as worth it until she is comfortable enough for him to perhaps have, one more love. I always think it's best to go the way of the one struggling the most, so for this reason I am relieved to hear that this is their plan. I have no idea how this will work and wait patiently to see.

It seems that often times I have heard of people going out and sowing their wild oats only to realize that they would like to go home to their deeply connected loved ones after. This seems to be common in men and women my age. In their midlife crisis perhaps? What is that about I wonder?

Anyway, that is my thought at this time. I'm sure it will change and grow as I change and grow... that is how my life is. But for what it is worth, that is where I am at...
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