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  #11  
Old 03-16-2012, 03:03 PM
polypenguin polypenguin is offline
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I personally think the story was a truthful depiction of the fallicies of monogamy. But please don't get me wrong polyamory has justa as many fallacies, just in different forms perhaps.

my problem with monogamy boils down to the inherent lying which it permeates. The old idea that makes people believe that being with more than one person is wrong and you don't really love someone if you want another. This is a blatant lie. Also, (in the words of Dossie Easton) what is it that makes people think that a golden ring on your finger is an off switch for sex drive for other people? Monogamy isn't bad or evil, I just feel it is outdated in terms of love. If we, as lovers, really loved eachother, then we would help the other person move in with another if they wanted to. And we would wish them the best when they left.
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  #12  
Old 03-17-2012, 12:19 AM
Icewraithonyx Icewraithonyx is offline
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I can see the fallacies of dishonesty or non-communication. But since the people labeling themselves as "monogamous" are actually being non-monogamous (in a dishonest manner), this seems to me like saying "The problem with being a vegatarian is that meat tends to give me heartburn."

I'm likely being over-sensitive but often I get a vibe that "monogamy is fine, if that's your choice" in the same way that religious zealots "accept" homosexuality. "We don't judge homosexuals, they're just wicked sinners who are going to burn in hell, but hey, we still accept them."

It seems that "Monogamy is fine, if you want to be an unevolved, insecurity-ridden neanderthal, but hey, we've perfectly okay with that." Gee, thanks?

What's wrong with monogamy? Nothing that I could see (other than not being a good fit for Frank). But the post seemed to suggest that monogamy leads to cheating. Like open relationships lead to the end of some relationships? I've seen threads where open marriages crashed and burned. Not so much from polyamory but because lack of communication.

I just wanted to express a few prickles at the anti-monogamy vibe I thought was there.
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  #13  
Old 03-17-2012, 01:18 AM
polypenguin polypenguin is offline
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I understand completely.

I am not against being mono, as long as it is a conscious decision. Most people today don't even know that poly is a workable solution. If you understand all of the aspects of BOTH lifestyles, then you can have an far more objective point of view. In doing so, one may actually CHOOSE being mono, not just being that way because they don't know anything else exists.

i'm not against mono, but I am very much against what we as a society have made it out to be. In other words, there are not "happily ever after's." the same can be said about poly, remember, if one relationship is difficult enough, two or six is very much more so.

i'm sorry if I came across as being anti mono, it was not my intent. I did mean though that I feel mono couples are more likely to lie to and cheat on eachother than poly ones (assuming they are open relationships).

People desire only desire the grass on the other side of the fence if there is a fence surrounding the other yard. If there is none, then the significance is not as alluring. An example: before having an open relationship, I desired a particular woman (other than my lovey) like no tomorrow, after we opened our relationship up, I lost major interest, she's still beautiful, but not that unattainable twinkie on the end of the stick.
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  #14  
Old 03-17-2012, 03:47 AM
monkeystyle monkeystyle is offline
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I don't think cheating or any other sort of unethical behavior is inherently tied to a person's orientation. I've seen some utterly vicious, unethical and horrid behavior from poly and mono people alike. That in moving from mono to poly you remove a boundary to previously forbidden fruit does not imply a greater probability of an ethical person. It just implies that poly people have freedom to openly pursue other relationships, and doesn't speak to the individual character of the people in those relationships. One thing has nothing to do with the other.
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  #15  
Old 03-17-2012, 03:37 PM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by polypenguin View Post
...I feel mono couples are more likely to lie to and cheat on eachother than poly ones
Oh, I call such bullshit on this, it isn't even funny. I am a loyal person. I have ethics. Whether I am in a monogamous relationship or polyamorous relationships doesn't change how loyal I am when I commit to someone. It is an insult to say that I would throw away my integrity, honesty, and loyalty just because of my circumstances. Monogamy doesn't change how honest a person will be.
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Last edited by nycindie; 03-17-2012 at 03:39 PM.
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  #16  
Old 03-17-2012, 03:48 PM
dingedheart dingedheart is offline
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Isn't that the same point SG made in the second post about lying assholes. Moral compass doesn't get thrown out depending on circumstance.
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  #17  
Old 03-17-2012, 03:50 PM
polypenguin polypenguin is offline
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poly is no more or less ethical than mono is, I agree there are ethical and non ethical ways to do either.

what I was saying in talking about the greener grass on the other side of the fence was about removing the mechanism. It is the basic idea of a systems approach, if you remove the root causes, you remove the problem. Most people here try to apply that basic reasoning when dealing with jealousy, all i'm saying is that it can be used for many other things as well. That is the connection.

please don't get me wrong, I do NOT agree with what happened in the original story of this blog. Lying, cheating, from either side of the sexual spectrum, that is unethical. The honesty which being poly demands (at least from what i've seen) would have helped remove those problems. If everyone is honest and ok with sleeping with eachother, there can be no cheating, or lying.
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  #18  
Old 03-17-2012, 04:18 PM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by polypenguin View Post
If everyone is honest and ok with sleeping with eachother, there can be no cheating, or lying.
We've seen time and again that people in poly relationships can and do cheat and lie. So that's a big "if" at the beginning of your statement.
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Last edited by nycindie; 03-17-2012 at 04:20 PM.
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  #19  
Old 03-17-2012, 04:38 PM
polypenguin polypenguin is offline
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nycindie,

I agree with you. I feel like i'm being misunderstood, and digging a hole with everyone here because of it. Please don't think that I am questioning your ethics in either a poly or mono relationship. Like I said there are right and wrong ways of doing either. All I mean is they weren't honest and I don't agree with that, being truly poly one has to be completely honest. Mono in OUR SOCIETY (not necesseserily how it ought to be) does not demand true honesty. I don't agree with it, but it seems this is the way many people cope, the don't ask, don't tell policy. Let me reiterate: I don't agree with it, iit just seems that's how things are currently for the general populous.
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  #20  
Old 03-17-2012, 07:29 PM
dingedheart dingedheart is offline
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How does Societal "demands " on "true" honesty (vs what false honesty) in either relationship style (Mono or poly) or any relationship for that matter ...family,friend, business, etc have to do with how selfish and bad choices are made.

Stupid selfish people ...(poly or not ) ...no matter what the poly doctrine demands..... will do dishonest and bad things. Read the forum.


Your root cause is the fence. Other see the root cause as the moral compass.
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