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Old 03-09-2012, 04:30 AM
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FrankLee FrankLee is offline
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: North Carolina
Posts: 48
Default Too much information

Having been on PolyamoryDotCom for about a week, I've taken a breath and looked around. After, in my typical fashion, gushing all over my profile with information and photos, I started checking other profiles to discover that it's an ocean of anonymity around here. Succinct isn't the word for it, ironclad security seems to be the preference. Like they say in the CIA, "Do you have a need to know?"

Of course, I'm not the mayor in my town, and I don't work for the government, or a big corporation, and I'm not applying to law school... yet.. and i don't think anybody, even my home remodeling clients care what websites I frequent at night. Neither do my friends... especially not my friends. Hmmm... do I have the right friends? So, if anyone I know were to find me on this site, well, all I could say is... hey, let's talk.

So, just curious, why so secretive everyone? Maybe you've got really good reasons.
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Old 03-09-2012, 04:58 AM
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BrigidsDaughter BrigidsDaughter is offline
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Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Upstate NY
Posts: 822

For me, it's my job's morality clause. They don't even define what *is* moral, just tell us that we can be fired for behaving immorally or for someone perceiving our actions to be immoral.
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Old 03-09-2012, 05:07 AM
polyFM polyFM is offline
Join Date: Jan 2012
Posts: 85

If you're talking about profiles specifically, I think the lack of info is more likely due to the structure of forums. I don't think user profiles are high-traffic areas in many forums since the action is a bit focused on threads. Something like facebook puts the action on your profile, so there's more incentive to load up your page with all the juicy details.

Put another way: I don't think it's secrecy; I think it's a lack of incentive from a UX perspective. Which isn't a bad thing; it's just the nature of the beast: less about individuals' activity/info, more about topical conversation.
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Old 03-09-2012, 06:40 AM
ThatGirlInGray ThatGirlInGray is offline
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Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Northern Cali
Posts: 552

Public school teacher, hoping to apply for adoption, and not "out" to the world at large, only friends and a few specific family members. Considering this forum is public, as well as the prevalence of trolls on the internet and identify theft concerns, it makes sense to me that most people, even without job- or family-related concerns due to the nature of this particular forum, would tend towards anonymity on the internet. Think of it this way- would you give your phone number to every person you met at the bar?
Pan Female, Hinge in a V between my mono (straight) husband, Monochrome and my poly (pan) partner, ThatGuyInBlack
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Old 03-09-2012, 06:50 AM
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Phy Phy is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Germany
Posts: 651

I seem to be a bit different, I don't really care as I am quite sure that no one will find me here. And if they do ... well, I would talk to them. But as I told nearly everybody who finally asked about us in great detail about our journey, it doesn't really matter.
Facts: 30, female, bi, v-type relationship with Sward (husband, straight, mono) and Lin (boyfriend, straight, mono), poly-fi and co-primary.

My Blog
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Old 03-09-2012, 01:06 PM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: The Big Apple
Posts: 10,083

Yeah, I would say that here it is a combo of protecting one's identity and just the fact that Bulletin Board type forums aren't really social networking sites and most people don't utilize the features available at forums for profiles. Also, since so much energy goes into creating profiles on Facebook, Google+, and dating sites like OKCupid, I am sure most of our members come here just for conversation, information, and private messaging. Plus this whole site is searchable via Google and other search engines, so any personal info you put in a post of your profile will be out there on the web.

BTW, in your profile here, you can set your albums to be private except for anyone whom you accept as a contact or "friend" on this board.

For myself, I don't put my personal info on the net at any site. I hate that I had to use my real name on Facebook and I use all the privacy options they make available there. Anyone who I connect with there really can't see anything - no pictures, friends, etc. This is the way I have been about this stuff for a long time, it has nothing to do with poly for me. Back in the 90s/early 00s, I had my credit card numbers stolen via an internet commerce site and, although that sort of info isn't required here, I feel like it is so easy for someone to steal an identity and really do a lot of harm, even though security measures have come very far since then. So, I am cautious.

I do have a professional website for a small business I have, and it killed me to put my name out there, but I had to accept that because it's business and there are press releases, news stories, and databases out there with my name in it, too. But personal stuff stays private. Plus, as a woman, I have to use caution for safety reasons. I've had two stalkers in my lifetime. Who knows what creeps are out there. I'd rather be overly cautious than not.
The world opens up... when you do.

"Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me." ~Bryan Ferry
"Love and the self are one . . ." ~Leo Buscaglia

Click here for a Solo Poly view on hierarchical relationships
Click here to find out why the Polyamorous Misanthrope is feeling disgusted.

Last edited by nycindie; 03-09-2012 at 06:52 PM.
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Old 03-09-2012, 01:33 PM
KyleKat KyleKat is offline
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Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Central Illinois
Posts: 284

I've given my approximate location and both my and my wife's first names in my username and signatures. I'm not concerned about safety and anyone that would have a problem with my choice isn't computer savvy enough to find me here. There aren't really many options for additional info beyond that but I would gladly talk and share more personal stuff through messages, provided of course you're not asking me for my address in the first contact. I'm carefree, not dumb. Haha.
"Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is the regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable." - Sydney Smith

Kyle: 27 year old male
Katie (rymmare): 25 year old female
Kids: girl: 5 years old, boy: 3 years old
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Old 03-09-2012, 05:00 PM
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AnnabelMore AnnabelMore is offline
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Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 2,285

I use my blog on this site as a way to explore thoughts and feelings that I may not always be ready to share with my partners. Although one now does know of the site he doesn't read it. It's really valuable to me to have a space here where I can organize my thoughts, say hard or scary things without worrying how it'll make someone else in my life feel, and sometimes get feedback from sympathetic strangers.

Also, I do happen to work for the government.
Me, 30ish bi female, been doing solo poly for roughly 5 years. Gia, Clay, and Pike, my partners. Davis, ex/friend/"it's complicated." Eric, Gia's husband. Bee, Gia and Eric's toddler.
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Old 03-09-2012, 05:11 PM
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SourGirl SourGirl is offline
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Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: South of an Igloo, North of a Desert.
Posts: 883

I`m just a private person. In general, I am not looking to 'connect' with people in a personal way. For me, this is an exercise in reminding myself of other`s thoughts, and ways of being, different to my own.
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Old 03-09-2012, 06:46 PM
feelyunicorn feelyunicorn is offline
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Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Brazil
Posts: 151

I`m a private dude. I feel neither safe sharing what I post here with IRL people, nor sharing my real life with people here, necessarily.

Case-by-case, basis. I guess I might post a pic if I make online friends here, later on. It`s touch-and-go...or, should I say, hit-and-miss.
Independent, sex-positive, bi-curious, private, atheist, elitist, athletic dude.
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