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Old 02-20-2012, 08:08 PM
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LadyNiah8504 LadyNiah8504 is offline
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Default Where do I start?

I have been married for 5 years, and about 2 years ago my husband and I started talking about having an open marriage. At first I did like the idea of it, but when everything started going on, I became this jealous, crazy, psycho-bitch. That is not a lie. Because of how I was handling everything, it actually did break our marriage for about 1 year. We were planning on getting divorced until about 1 year ago. Around that time, I decided to try and have sex with no emotions attached, just pure animal instinct basically. It did work for a time, but I still felt empty inside. When my husband and I got back together, I told him everything about what I had done. I understood how one could have sex without love. After much consideration and negotiating we decided to give the open marriage another shot. Apparently my husband already has someone lined up, and the idea makes me sick to my stomach. I am incapable from being with anyone else right now due to severe mental health issues. I just don't know what to do. I know he needs this, as I need it, but right now I can't handle it.
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Old 02-21-2012, 05:55 PM
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LadyNiah8504 LadyNiah8504 is offline
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Default This blog thing takes some getting used to

I have 2 blogs on another site, but I have difficulty remembering to post on them. Mostly this is related to my depression. Once I get in control of things again, I intend to post more often.

I really do love my husband and fully understand his need of being polyamorus. I understand it down to the primal level. It's biologically natural for our species to want and need to mate with others.

I just have difficulty putting this into practice. I am very possessive and jealous, so this is a hard thing to deal with.

Adding mental illness to the mixture is not good. However, this is the first time that I have been actively seeking help. I was diagnosed with depression at 14, and have been on several different meds to try and help. Nothing really did in the end, I would always get worse. And then about a year and 1/2 ago I was also diagnosed with anxiety disorder (apparently I have had this my whole life and thought it was normal) , but dealing with all of this isn't easy.

Now there are other contributing factors as to why my mental health has decreased. The major thing being my mother. My mother is a severe alcoholic and drug addict. She has had 3 heart attacks in 10 years, and has no intention of stopping. I worry about my mother constantly. Every day I wake up hoping that she hasn't died during the night due to having an overdose.

I know that this site is for polyamory, I am trying to get as much information as possible on this subject. I want to know more about how this can progress in a positive way as well as the negative.

It all boils down to being a nerd, having a very curious mind (it's annoying sometimes, to want all the answers to my questions), and I don't want to be ignorant.

So to those who have read this, I do apologize for kinda going on a mental health tangent, but that is just how my mind works. I am really looking for facts and experiences here. That way I know I have information on every avenue possible to myself and my husband and this adventure/journey that we have begun to travel on.
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Old 02-28-2012, 03:33 AM
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LadyNiah8504 LadyNiah8504 is offline
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Default Broken promises

Last night I slept over at my best friend's house. Before leaving, I told my husband that he better prepare for a pouncing when he got home. Instead, I totally forgot. And now he feels like shit, because I broke yet another promise to him. And I feel like an asshole for the same reason. I want to make it up to him, but I know that won't work. I really didn't mean to hurt him.
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Niah/me: 26 Bi female, married to Kail: 26 Bi male, Thing 1: our oldest child, Thing 2: the trouble maker, Thing 3: the baby/bun in the oven


"Those who bring sunshine to the lives of others can not keep it from themselves"

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Old 02-28-2012, 06:20 AM
KyleKat KyleKat is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LadyNiah8504 View Post
Last night I slept over at my best friend's house. Before leaving, I told my husband that he better prepare for a pouncing when he got home. Instead, I totally forgot. And now he feels like shit, because I broke yet another promise to him. And I feel like an asshole for the same reason. I want to make it up to him, but I know that won't work. I really didn't mean to hurt him.
Apologize and then let it go. Trust me. I do the same thing. I make a mistake and then forget and feel like crap. It just prolongs the pain. It's not like you did some unforgivable sin. You missed an opportunity for sex. There's always more opportunities.

Instead of "trying to make it up" how about trying to move past it. Next time you see him, give him a big kiss and tell him you love him and then see what his reaction is. Go from there. If it ends up towards sex and he mentions it being "make up for last time" tell him no it's because you want him now.
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Old 02-28-2012, 08:59 AM
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Somegeezer Somegeezer is offline
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What Kyle said. There's no reason to dwell on it. He should also understand that people can be forgetful. I know I am. I have huge chunks of my life I can't remember, never mind whatever I did yesterday. =P

Don't let him control you with his emotions.

It also doesn't seem like bringing poly into your lives seems like the best thing to do right now. He could be doing a lot to help you out with your illnesses.

Have you told him about your jealousy and talked about ways to get past it? Because if you really want any relationship to work, you're going to have to talk to each other a lot.
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Old 02-28-2012, 10:00 PM
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LadyNiah8504 LadyNiah8504 is offline
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Thank you both for your advice, it is greatly appreciated. And we've agreed that poly is not good for either of us right now. He has always known about my jealousy and my tendency to be very possesive. We've been together for 7 years and we've known each other for 10 years.

We do talk about our relationship every day.

He is very understanding when it comes to mental illness, he occasionally will get frustrated with me. I don't blame him there, I know I'm too much to deal with. But I will always try to work things out, because that's just how I do things.

I also made it mandatory that he will gtfo once a week. Because everyone needs some alone time and it's an excuse for when he is getting on my nerves.
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Niah/me: 26 Bi female, married to Kail: 26 Bi male, Thing 1: our oldest child, Thing 2: the trouble maker, Thing 3: the baby/bun in the oven


"Those who bring sunshine to the lives of others can not keep it from themselves"

James Barrie
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Old 03-03-2012, 05:51 AM
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Somegeezer Somegeezer is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LadyNiah8504 View Post
Thank you both for your advice, it is greatly appreciated. And we've agreed that poly is not good for either of us right now. He has always known about my jealousy and my tendency to be very possesive. We've been together for 7 years and we've known each other for 10 years.

We do talk about our relationship every day.

He is very understanding when it comes to mental illness, he occasionally will get frustrated with me. I don't blame him there, I know I'm too much to deal with. But I will always try to work things out, because that's just how I do things.

I also made it mandatory that he will gtfo once a week. Because everyone needs some alone time and it's an excuse for when he is getting on my nerves.
That seems a bit harsh. Surely if you want to be apart from him, then you should be the one to "gtfo" as you say. I mean, sure, he may want to get out himself as it is, but you shouldn't be calling "mandatory" decisions. If you don't like who he is, with his own freedom to do as he wishes, when he wishes [taking any consequences of bad actions and admitting they will be his own problem], then why stick around for 7 years? Seems like a steam engine that could explode any moment.
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