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  #11  
Old 03-04-2012, 07:06 AM
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There's also the fact that if I leave the only place I have to go is back to my mom's house 30 minutes from anywhere with no car, no phone, no internet, and no contact with the outside world except my mom and the TV. And I am scared of being alone. We have been together for 2 years and we have lived together for most of that time and have very rarely spent a night apart. I can barely sleep without her there beside me and when I do sleep I toss and turn and have nightmares. I don't want to be alone again. I was alone for almost 21 years and then I went straight into spending every night with someone beside me.
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  #12  
Old 03-04-2012, 02:54 PM
Icewraithonyx Icewraithonyx is offline
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IMO, right now, your situation is worse than being alone. You're with someone who is emotionally destroying you. She doesn't seem interested in repairing the trust that her CHEATING has damaged.

Get out. It's scary now but years trapped with someone like this is much worse.
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  #13  
Old 03-04-2012, 03:08 PM
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Why do you have to go back to your mom's? You have a job now? Can't you keep your job and get a room in an apartment with roommates?

This is time to work on yourself, your own self esteem. Living with a lying cheating bitch just because you don't want to sleep alone is pretty sad. You'll find someone better when you learn to love yourself.

She's playing you. You're worth more than that.
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  #14  
Old 03-04-2012, 03:23 PM
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Have you confronted the latest so-called friend about this? It doesn't sound like you and your wife communicate very well.

There is a serious lack of maturity in this situation. Don't hang onto someone who mistreats you out of fear of being alone. You won't be alone forever, and it could be just what you need to learn how to stand up for yourself. Surely, you know someone who has a couch you can crash on.
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  #15  
Old 03-04-2012, 07:32 PM
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Been in that kinda situation myself. Feels much better once you free yourself from it. As others mentioned too, why can't you rent a flat [appartment] to live in? Especially with other people to share the bills with you.

and this is one of few situations I have to say, there is really no chance that relationship is going to work. Even after opening up a realtionship, she still can't be open herself? She's the kinda person who convinces herself that she's always right by blaming everyone around her for whatever happens to be going wrong at the time... going as far as telling YOU that if YOU can't fix HER problem, within as little as a week, it's over between you both.

I can imagine that once that does happen, because of course you can't fix who she is in a week, she will see it as a victory for herself and continue being the same person she is to everyone else.

Get out of there. Have some you time. Don't look for a relationship for the sake of it. Someone will find you when you least expect it. I promise that.

Then once you find them, make sure you get to know them enough to check for cases of severe crazy before you decide on a relationship with them.
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  #16  
Old 03-04-2012, 07:52 PM
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It's a pig when you feel in love but that doesn't make you feel good about yourself. The mind has a way of playing such tricks when we are feeling insecure.
Can you truly say that this person is thinking of your needs and if not then why don't you think that you deserve someone who is able to give you the consideration you have tried to show?
Who knows why people cheat. In an open relationship there are not the usual risks to being honest, loss, endings. So maybe she has something going on that is about the thrill of a hidden liaison. And if that's the case how can she maintain that thrill without repeated deceit? How can you accept that and would you want to?
Maybe sit and think about what you want from a relationship and try to be objective about that outside of all other considerations. Be selfish for a moment. Tell yourself you deserve to be happy and be treated with respect and consideration. See what you learn and then compare to what you have.
(as to your mate... hmmm. You maybe have low expectations of friends and partners. Why is that?)
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  #17  
Old 03-04-2012, 08:34 PM
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I can't get an apartment because I have no job. I only make around $200 a month donating plasma which is nowhere near enough for rent anywhere. None of my friends have couches I can crash on because they all live with their parents while they are in school or they have moved away. I did confront the friend and he said he didn't know anything and my wife claims he didn't know anything either. But her best friend who is also one of my close friends said my wife has been acting really sketchy lately.
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  #18  
Old 03-04-2012, 09:39 PM
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Moving back in with your mom while you pick up the peices of your life might not be such a bad thing. As I see it it's better than living with someone who you can't trust. If you move back in with your mom you'll have some time to find a job and then work on getting roomates and moving out again on your own terms. As scary as it is giving up something you know for the unknown change is rarely as bad as you think it's going to be going in.

You teach people how to treat you. At the moment you're letting your wife know that she can do whatever she wants and walk all over you and that there will be no consequences for her actions. If you want to be treated well you have to be willing to stand your ground on things that matter to you. Even if the relationshipt between you and your wife isn't salvegable at this point with any luck taking a stand with her will let you know that the world won't come crashing down if you have to end a relationship and it may help her to become more compassionate to the feelings of others.

It sounds to me like this is your first romantic relationship. I can tell you the honest truth that very few people have successful first relationships. Although those first relationships do teach us a lot about ourselves and our requirements in a partner. (I've seen the same kind of trend in first poly relationships too).
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  #19  
Old 03-04-2012, 09:57 PM
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The problem with moving in with my mom is I will be cut off from the outside world. She lives in the middle of nowhere with no internet and no cell service. I won't have a car or anything so I really won't have a way TO apply for jobs or talk to any of my friends or anything. Also I will constantly have to deal with my drunk mother and her drunk crackhead boyfriend and the endless parade of drunk guys she fucks.
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  #20  
Old 03-04-2012, 10:06 PM
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Fear is always worse than the fact. You seem in a very bad place right now in your life. A place where you feel that you are reliant on others and have no choices and those others are letting you down. In no way are the decisions you have to take going to be easy ones but first, and before everything, you need to find a way to value yourself and realise that you are worth more than you are accepting. In all things.
Have you considered agencies who may offer support with an employment search? Employment which is residential. Voluntary work which is residential and would simply give you space and time to learn your own worth?
Only you can change your situation. And you can, one thing, one day at a time. Sometimes, just taking one day at a time is enough. Try not to look too far ahead until you have a stronger foundation.
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