Polyamory.com Forum  

Go Back   Polyamory.com Forum > Polyamory > General Poly Discussions

Notices

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #1  
Old 03-03-2012, 12:33 AM
Letitbe Letitbe is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: WI
Posts: 34
Default Mono to poly

I would love to learn more about people's experiences making the leap from mono to poly. Is there already a tread about this?
Reply With Quote
  #2  
Old 03-03-2012, 03:18 AM
nycindie's Avatar
nycindie nycindie is offline
Moderator
 
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: The Big Apple
Posts: 7,417
Default

You can use the search function to find threads that are tagged with "mono to poly," "new to polyamory," etc.
__________________
The world opens up... when you do.

"Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me." ~Bryan Ferry
"Love and the self are one . . ." ~Leo Buscaglia "

An excellent blog post on hierarchy in polyamory:
solopoly.net/2014/10/31/why-im-not-a-secondary-partner-the-short-version/
Reply With Quote
  #3  
Old 03-05-2012, 05:24 AM
redpepper's Avatar
redpepper redpepper is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Canada
Posts: 7,639
Default

most of this site is made up of peoples writings on making the transition from mono to poly. Is there something specific you are asking? Your question seems rather vague to me.
__________________
Anyone want to be friends on Facebook?
Send me your name via PM
My blog
Reply With Quote
  #4  
Old 03-07-2012, 04:35 AM
Letitbe Letitbe is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: WI
Posts: 34
Default

How do you know when you're ready to go from mono to poly?
Reply With Quote
  #5  
Old 03-07-2012, 05:13 AM
redpepper's Avatar
redpepper redpepper is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Canada
Posts: 7,639
Default

Well, I would take a baby step and see how it goes. Small steps, pace myself, allow each moment to sink in (savour it) and see how it goes.
__________________
Anyone want to be friends on Facebook?
Send me your name via PM
My blog
Reply With Quote
  #6  
Old 03-07-2012, 10:00 PM
Letitbe Letitbe is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: WI
Posts: 34
Default

What would a baby step be?
Reply With Quote
  #7  
Old 03-08-2012, 04:21 PM
MeeraReed MeeraReed is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: East Coast, U.S.
Posts: 352
Default

You might get more out of this if you post your specific situation with details about the relationship, people involved, ages, past experience, etc. You may start a threat under "Poly Relationship Corner" explaining what's going on.

There's no one answer to what a "baby step" is. It would be different for each person and situation.

Is poly something you really want because it feels right to you, or is it something your partner wants and you are trying to accommodate yourself to the situation? Your approach and our advice to you might be a little different in each case.
__________________
Single, straight, female, solo, non-monogamous.
Reply With Quote
  #8  
Old 03-08-2012, 07:15 PM
ThatGirlInGray ThatGirlInGray is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Northern Cali
Posts: 552
Default

Just to give you an idea of why "What would a baby step be?" isn't really a question we can answer, here's a FEW of ONE person's "steps" on their 14+ year journey to poly:

* Flirting and dancing with other people is ok.
* Kissing other people is ok.
* Fooling around with other people when SO can't be around is ok.
* Fooling around with other people when SO is around is ok.
* (lots of other steps in between)
* being in a committed and sexual relationship with someone I love other than my spouse is ok.

So, a baby step for you might be going on a date with someone who is not your SO (I'm assuming you are currently in a relationship when you talk about making the "leap" from mono to poly) with the understanding that physical contact on this date will be limited to what would be acceptable in public. Or maybe that's too much. Or maybe it's too restrictive. There's no way for us to tell what you and your SO feel comfortable with at this point, and that's the definition of a baby step: something different from what you do now that you're fairly confident you'll be able to manage. And then make sure everyone involved actually IS ok with the reality (versus the hypothetical) before moving on to the next baby step.
__________________
~~~~~~~~~
Pan Female, Hinge in a V between my mono (straight) husband, Monochrome and my poly (pan) partner, ThatGuyInBlack
Reply With Quote
  #9  
Old 03-08-2012, 11:27 PM
sweetchic1 sweetchic1 is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Greenwich, NY
Posts: 10
Default

My journey from Mono to Poly was a good journey. I met "Bill" on Plenty of Fish and I thought he was just a single Mono guy. I was wrong "Bill" was very much a Poly person. I enjoy the Poly life style. I am bi so that makes thinbgs easy from Me. Then I met "Sally" his wife and she is also bi so I had a relationship with her and I had a relationship with "Bill".
Reply With Quote
  #10  
Old 03-09-2012, 02:05 PM
nycindie's Avatar
nycindie nycindie is offline
Moderator
 
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: The Big Apple
Posts: 7,417
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Letitbe View Post
How do you know when you're ready to go from mono to poly?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Letitbe View Post
What would a baby step be?
Well, what sort of relationship do you already have and what do you both want? These are very personal choices to make and depend on the people involved, their goals, how well they communicate, and their willingness to be supportive of each other in the process.
__________________
The world opens up... when you do.

"Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me." ~Bryan Ferry
"Love and the self are one . . ." ~Leo Buscaglia "

An excellent blog post on hierarchy in polyamory:
solopoly.net/2014/10/31/why-im-not-a-secondary-partner-the-short-version/
Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT. The time now is 06:37 AM.