Why Poly Gets A Bad Rap

[nouryia]

I too enjoyed Ferrett's post...I know that as a poly-noob, I've at times felt like a silly teenager and wondered if I'd ever figure this shit out, lol. Thankfully, I've done most of this privately (...with help from this forum :P ) and hopefully avoided looking like a complete idiot

[freyamarie]

Well
crap....that didn't go so well.
Hey, We all make mistakes and I have made more than a few.

My rant had to do with peeps who just see the term poly as an excuse to go out and get sex and justify it because they think they have this neat label that makes it P.C. for them to do so.

I apologize for not being more clear that it was this type of individual I was referencing...I have an immense amount of work to do to learn how to rant in a coherent manner.

This was my own frustration speaking.
The first people I met who were openly poly were also swingers. ---the confusion I had about that is what actually sent me searching for more data. We jumped into poly with that classic unicorn hunt ourselves and learned how we needed to get more information and educate ourselves, as individuals and as a couple.

So, I hope you can forgive the poor word choices. I was angry and came out as arrogant and rude.

[redpepper]

Originally Posted by Jericka

They just went in too fast and without the tools or the open eyes to either pick a good partner for them, or fix whatever was not working.

This seems to be common in relationships of poly or mono nature. It is all part of what is learned when we start having relationships I think, regardless of what configuration.

[AnnabelMore]

Originally Posted by freyamarie

So, I hope you can forgive the poor word choices. I was angry and came out as arrogant and rude.

Aw, yeah, apology accepted. We're all just reacting through the filters of our own experiences. I've had to struggle not to judge people myself, so I reacted particularly strongly to seeing someone else express judgement.

[Scott]

Originally Posted by AnnabelMore

http://theferrett.livejournal.com/1707627.html

A post about poly by the popular blogger The Ferret. I thought I'd leave it here in case anyone has thoughts to share. Personally, I just think he makes a really good point.

I liked it, thanks.

[SourGirl]

Originally Posted by AnnabelMore

When you know about a topic, its easy to stigmatize those who don't as lazy, willfully ignorant, or otherwise inferior, and forget about your own areas of ignorance.

It's fair to be exasperated when people don't have the knowledge you do and make mistakes because of it, but it's simple arrogance to look down on them and assume that they've had all the same opportunities to gain that knowledge that you have, especially when we're dealing with a topic that the public at large knows basically nothing about. It's only when people have been faced with their mistakes and choose to turn away from the possibility of learning more that I think it's worth throwing up your hands about them. AND EVEN THEN people can come around... learning is hard. I said it above and I'll say it again because when we've gotten to the point of shaming folks for trying something new and getting burned I think it bears repeating:

We all make mistakes.

For what it`s worth AnnabelMore,..I think you are a far better writer, and more articulate then this guy. You have the ability to state your case in a manner that invites even those that disagree with you, to think about what you say.

So let`s go girl, get your big boots on and become his rival.

[Nacirema]

I personally didn't find the writing very fascinating, but yeah, it makes sense what he's saying. Of course, seems a little obvious to me, but I guess some people need to have the obvious told to them about something that's atypical in society.

[AutumnalTone]

I don't see it. The sturm und drang of adolescence generally lingers well into the 20s. If I see relationship flailing and failing of that sort with a 20-something, I write it off as general immaturity or lack of experience. Heck, flailing/failing at most anything at that age gets attributed to that age.

I don't know of any adults who think that what they see among 20-somethings reflects on all people who do that very same thing.

[AnnabelMore]

Originally Posted by SourGirl

For what it`s worth AnnabelMore,..I think you are a far better writer, and more articulate then this guy. You have the ability to state your case in a manner that invites even those that disagree with you, to think about what you say.

So let`s go girl, get your big boots on and become his rival.

Thanks and stuff.

[Shannanigan]

I feel like it's less about the 20-somethings stumbling around and committing poly-fails and more about the paradigms and expectations society has as a whole, personally. Until recently, there weren't an awful lot of poly people under the age of 30 walking around and using the term "polyamory", and most of the polyamorous stories I see on TV and online are about people 30 and up.

So, yeah, 20-somethings are out there, stumbling around, but I wouldn't say they're doing it particularly visibly when compared to the active poly community at large.

Meh, still friended him on lj so that I can read more.