am i poly?

[confusedbigirl]

This is something I've been thinking about and struggling with for awhile. I'm a 23 year old bi female. I've often felt like in a relationship, I'm not 100% happy, and if in a relationship with a guy, I fantasize about being with a female and vise versa. I feel like the only solution is to have both but the thought completely overwhelms me. I struggled with coming to terms with bisexuality, now this?? I can't imagine meeting two people of the opposite sex to be with who are open to this, PLUS the thought of being open about polyamory to my family/friends.
So I guess I'm just very new and confused about who I am.

[Moonglow]

Well, mainly you have to really envision relationships and not just sexual aspects of that? You have to take babysteps, and not get overwhelmed. There are a lot of great resources for you. The best thing I can say is once you come to terms with who you are, things will become more clear. If you read around the forums you will see lots of success stories. Just one step at a time. Welcome to the forum!

[KyleKat]

Originally Posted by confusedbigirl

This is something I've been thinking about and struggling with for awhile. I'm a 23 year old bi female. I've often felt like in a relationship, I'm not 100% happy, and if in a relationship with a guy, I fantasize about being with a female and vise versa. I feel like the only solution is to have both but the thought completely overwhelms me. I struggled with coming to terms with bisexuality, now this?? I can't imagine meeting two people of the opposite sex to be with who are open to this, PLUS the thought of being open about polyamory to my family/friends.
So I guess I'm just very new and confused about who I am.

I may be more unique than I think but I have never considered same sex relationships as the same as opposite sex relationships. They each have their own pros and cons. My rule has always been, even before I considered myself poly, "one of each". That means if my wife came to me during our monogamous time and said "I want to go out with this girl tonight and have a relationship with her" I would have said "bring me back leftovers from the restaraunt" and then probably had an ear to ear grin when she came home. I just don't feel competition from the opposite sex.

You will find a way to make it work.

[Polywaw]

Hi Confused,

My wife went through this, as did several friends of ours. One has embraced the poly, another has determined due to her religious feelings she must be straight regardless of her feelings, and another decided she couldn't "handle" the stress of a multi-person relationship.

And my wife is eager for an open marriage.

4 people there, half went for poly, half didn't. Coming to grips with it can be frightening and relieving. Finding someone can be frustrating and exhilarating. When you break it down to the simple form, I'm not sure it's that different than a "straight" and "mono" relationship.

You find someone you're attracted to, are you compatible? Do you hold similar views, goals, beliefs? If any of those are different, are they compatible?

The idea of being open about polyamory to family and friends can be tricky. I've come out to my family, my dad has been entirely accepting, my mom ignores the idea. My wife feels that her family couldn't handle the idea and would be entirely upset. (However, if she came how and was lesbian with a female partner, they'd be more accepting). For many Americans (if that is indeed where you're from), have a hard time separating sluts and poly people in their mind. (Probably because there isn't a common and positive media portrayal, but that's another story).

Why does the thought overwhelm you?

[polypenguin]

hey there Ms. Confusedbigirl,

first off, let me say welcome. secondly, your story is about the same more or less to about half of the people here. So you're not alone. Lastly, there are many people who are open/becoming open to that kind of relationship, after all, that is the reason these forums exist. Even the word polyamory is what you described on one form or another.