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  #1  
Old 03-11-2012, 06:46 AM
Lexithegeek Lexithegeek is offline
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Default Moving out?

I currently live with my parents as I am a college student. Moving out, and moving in with my primary of 2.5 years has been on my mind for a while, and I have quite the sum of money saved up at this point for such a transition. The benefit of doing so would be a queiter, less frantic, more comfortable, more private, safer space. A change that is very much needed, but we haven't moved forward due to my partners income.

In comes opportunity. There is a place we could each cover our part of rent without much worry; the only hitch, it's with his new person he's seeing (they haven't agreed on bf status yet). It's an interesting possibility. I was friends with person long before they started dating so its not like moving in with a stranger. We get along really well. But all three of us are in the process of figuring out how our dynamics are shifting to accommodate the new relationship. Also this is the first time my partner and I are applying poly theory to practice. So far it has gone well, we check in with each other frequently, set healthy boundries, and I have not felt like Im competting or losing anything despite him spending a lot of time with his intrest.

These things make feel like I could live there as long as we continue communicating as we have. Plus from what I've been told the place is huge, meaning seperate space from my metamour (and dont worry, im going to view it before deciding). I really wish there was time to wait to see how our dynamic changes before making this decision, but there is a fast approching deadline. After which point the opprutunity is gone and not revisitable. Im speaking to a trusted mentor about this situation tommorow.

What im trying to figure out here is if the benefits outway the risks? And what advice/your experince people might have on living in close proxcimty to your metamour?


PS. sorry for the typeos. My phones internet doesnt have spell check. Also written at 1 am, not good for being corherent.

PSS. I welcome blunt responses. Dont sugar coat it.
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Old 03-11-2012, 07:16 AM
urmila urmila is offline
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Dear friend, in my opinion, it will be a wise move to take up that accomodation. Each case is different and we cannot decide on other's experience. It depends on the level of understanding and transeparency u have with ur primary and the other person too. The only risk i can think of is jealousy. There is no way u can predict, and it is best to try it out, if everything else works out ok
good luck
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Old 03-11-2012, 10:01 AM
KyleKat KyleKat is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by urmila View Post
Dear friend, in my opinion, it will be a wise move to take up that accomodation. Each case is different and we cannot decide on other's experience. It depends on the level of understanding and transeparency u have with ur primary and the other person too. The only risk i can think of is jealousy. There is no way u can predict, and it is best to try it out, if everything else works out ok
good luck
Normally I'm against people moving in because of the hang-ups but in this case I'm going to agree with urmila. You can't know how you would all do living together until you actually live together. The only way you'll find out if it will work is to go ahead with it. Keep in mind that if it doesn't work you risk damaging friendships with everyone involved. Shitty roommates can break even the closest of bonds.
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Old 03-11-2012, 12:40 PM
urmila urmila is offline
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We get along really well...... . So far it has gone well, we check in with each other frequently, set healthy boundries, and I have not felt like Im competting or losing anything despite him spending a lot of time with his intrest.


Reading what u have written, I feel the chances of failure or spoiling the existing relationship is very low, since i see the openness and good communication u r having with each other
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Old 03-11-2012, 08:13 PM
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NovemberRain NovemberRain is offline
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I wouldn't do it, if it were me. A deadline is not a great thing to propel such a decision. Especially since you're still figuring it out. I'm guessing there would be a lease involved? How easy would it be to back out, if you should discover the need to do so?

I can't really think of all the potential disasters, but I encourage to think about what would be worst case scenario for you, and how would you want to handle that; and then talk with them about it too.

You've got the flu, and a super important paper due in a day. You drag your butt home from class and hear them having a really good time. Feelings? (I'd have some)
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Old 03-12-2012, 12:36 AM
Lexithegeek Lexithegeek is offline
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NovemberRain you raise some good points I need to consider. In terms of a lease there wouldnt be one...long story. But you gave me somethings to think about. Thank You.
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Old 03-12-2012, 02:00 AM
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AnnabelMore AnnabelMore is offline
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I agree with NR, this could be really dicey. If I were your bf I wouldn't want to move in with someone I'd just started seeing anyway, poly or no. What if it doesn't work out between the two of them and there are hurt feelings? Then all three of you guys would either have to suck it up and deal with a painful living situation or you two would be without a place to stay. The latter scenario is especially worrying since it sounds like finding a place you can afford is difficult. Or even worse in a way, what if he keeps seeing her even though it's not working out for him just because he feels like he has no other choice, to preserve the living situation? It'd be different if he and she had been together longer and knew what they were after from each other.

It *could* work out, sure, but I'd hold off.
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Old 03-12-2012, 06:29 AM
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redpepper redpepper is offline
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Have you ever lived away from home before? Would you be able to go back if this doesn't work out? how well do you know and get along with your metamour?

I also struggle with the deadline aspect of this, but at the very least, your taking this idea seriously might move you forward in your relationship in order to work toward the goal of living together in the future. Or you might decide not to work toward that goal at all.

Really? In a situation like this? I would go with my gut. Take a chance or not, it could go either way it seems to me.
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