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Old 02-26-2012, 04:25 PM
WhatHappened WhatHappened is offline
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Default Does my username say it all?

I'm female, recently escaped from a lengthy marriage, the result of xh's infidelity. I was suprised (shocked? stunned? head still spinning?) when a married man, a long-time friend and colleague, asked me out several months after the divorce was final, saying it was to meet about business, even though he joked that it was also a date.

I met him really thinking it was business. If I've ever known anyone who's in an open marriage or polyamorous (not even sure what the difference is or which he and hiw wife are), they haven't told me. So such a thing was not even on my radar.

I've gone out with him a few times. There's been some kissing, hugging, but no sex. I enjoy our time together, but am really struggling with questions of what this means to him, and what I really want. In a way, it suits me quite well, as I'm quite happy with my own single life, and in no rush at all to have a boyfriend or new romance.

But I have a lot of questions and concerns about where this is going, about what I really want, concerns about suddenly wanting more than he's able to give, and, ironically, even concerns about him getting too emotionally attached. But then, this is a new world to me. I feel very lost and confused about the situation and my own emotions, something I rarely feel in life, and am just here reading and looking for understanding.
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Old 02-26-2012, 06:12 PM
Moonglow Moonglow is offline
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You are not alone in confusion here. I say that many people come here hoping for answers. All I can say is maybe use the search feature, and hopefully find some similar experiences. I think as women we tend to overthink things. (I am the QUEEN of the overthinkers) Just enjoy what you have. It sounds a little like you are afraid of getting close and getting hurt which is natural. Also good you are thinking about possible outcomes but also think of yourself, you have alot of happiness to claim for yourself.

Welcome to the boards. Enjoy your stay!
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Old 04-10-2012, 01:58 PM
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newtoday newtoday is offline
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[QUOTE=Moonglow;. I think as women we tend to overthink things. (I am the QUEEN of the overthinkers) [/QUOTE]

ha! And here my bf and I thought that I was the Queen of over thinkers! .
Great to know that I'm not the only one with that attribute! I personally think it's a good problem to have. As I've told my bf, it's when I stop thinking about things that there's a problem. It means I've lost interest.

WH, Welcome! I'll reply to your other thread as well.
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Old 04-10-2012, 02:14 PM
WhatHappened WhatHappened is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by newtoday View Post
it's when I stop thinking about things that there's a problem. It means I've lost interest.

WH, Welcome! I'll reply to your other thread as well.
Hi, Newtoday. Good point. I'm asking myself every day why I stay in this situation, and starting to think (uh oh, there's that word, lol!) that I'd feel a lot more peaceful if I just walked away so I could quit trying to sort out the meaning of it all.
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Old 04-10-2012, 02:35 PM
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newtoday newtoday is offline
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I still sometimes think I should save us all a lot of grief and just walk away. Easier said than done, when you find something great, it's natural to want to hold on and make it successful. But beware ,the deeper you get involved, the harder that is to do or even consider.
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Old 04-10-2012, 02:53 PM
WhatHappened WhatHappened is offline
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I keep asking myself why I go back, and there are many reasons. However, I wouldn't call it great at this point...more like enjoyable with many good things coming out of it for both him and me. But this is what I'm afraid of, getting involved too deeply. I don't want to fall in love with someone when the relationship will never be anything other than what it is right now, where I'm spending every night alone and wishing I could be with someone I'm in love with. Right now, I'm quite happy being 'alone.'
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Old 04-10-2012, 05:01 PM
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newtoday newtoday is offline
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You know, you have to approach this relationship similar to being Single. You must be OK with being alone, finding joy in other things other than a romantic relationship; children, friends, hobbies, family, career. This relationship can add a wonderful Hiatus to the 'real life', consider it ME Time. Just keep it in perspective for what it is, don't have expectations for it to be more. It can't be, he's committed to someone else.

When you don't want to participate anymore, you won't. It's that simple.
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