sexual dysfunction with new partners

[NovemberRain]

I really appreciate your discussion of Asperger's and the way it manifests for you. I'm fairly certain one of my boyfriends is more than a little on that spectrum and it helped me understand more.

I'm very impressed with your willingness to look at this and explore it and share it here. Your insight is pretty awesome.

[tachycardia]

BTW if anyone is interested, I did get some Viagra, but we actually never ended up using it. We kept doing "other" things, and after about three months, and we finally had vaginal sex. I guess it takes me some time... Still no effing orgasm though.

[lovefromgirl]

Originally Posted by tachycardia

Are we from a different generation? I met each of them on OKC, wherein they all answered the match questions saying that they expect it would take one to two dates to be sexually intimate with someone they really like.

Also, I spent fifteen hours over a week with the one I'm super into before we went to bed. You really don't think that's enough?

Ha bloody ha! I'm about your age and I take a looooong time to be comfortable. Most of the guys' profiles I see are all "1-2 dates" and "first date? No problem" and I'm thinking I'll never find another partner. Ever. So I guess we're both anachronisms.

[tachycardia]

Originally Posted by lovefromgirl

Ha bloody ha! I'm about your age and I take a looooong time to be comfortable. Most of the guys' profiles I see are all "1-2 dates" and "first date? No problem" and I'm thinking I'll never find another partner. Ever. So I guess we're both anachronisms.

I guess. The "other" things included her fucking me in the ass with a strap-on, so I don't know how anachronistic we are...

[Moonlightrunner]

A little late in joining the discussion but I had similar dysfunction problems earlier with new partners.

In my case the explanation was a bit different - too much porn.

As there was a long period of time when there were very little opportunities for sex with my wife, I solved the problem by watching porn almost every night. And my brain slowly got used to the 'overload' of sensory input.
It didn't really cause any problems with my wife as she knew me well enough to 'push my buttons' and there was no reason to be nervous with her but the next time I was with another person I had problems performing. Any kind of distraction like me having trouble opening the condom wrapper could cause my erection to disappear. As normally I can go on and on this felt really weird for me.
Or if I did maintain an erection, I had problems getting an orgasm.

At that time I blamed it on lack of sleep but eventually I did find out the actual reason. I took a long break from porn and it certainly made a big difference.

[tachycardia]

Originally Posted by Moonlightrunner

I took a long break from porn and it certainly made a big difference.

It's possible this is a factor with me. I do watch some "overloading" styles of pornography. Maybe I'll try cutting it out too...

[nycindie]

Originally Posted by Moonlightrunner

I took a long break from porn and it certainly made a big difference.

Originally Posted by tachycardia

It's possible this is a factor with me. I do watch some "overloading" styles of pornography. Maybe I'll try cutting it out too...

Don't know if I posted the link in this thread before (I know it's been posted elsewhere), but according to the website called Your Brain On Porn, "Evolution has not prepared your brain for today's Internet porn." They believe it is the cause of many sexual problems for men and advocate a program to stop watching it which will, apparently improve sexual functioning as well as desire. The testimonials on the site certainly seem to validate the idea.

The site is here: http://www.yourbrainonporn.com/

[tachycardia]

Thanks for the link, nycindie. It's quite interesting. Reminds me a lot of chapter 21 of Sex at Dawn (Link). I do think my previous strategy for battling "monotomy" was "#2: porn and Prozac" (or Wellbutrin in my case, to clarify that drug side effects are not at play here.)

However, I think that if porn were a primary factor in my erectile dysfunction, I would have difficulty with my wife, as well, and I don't. Nonetheless, I probably should cut it out. Maybe it will be easier now that I can have variety IRL.

[lovefromgirl]

Well, only cut out the porn if you feel it's detracting from your relationships. Some people find it enhances certain aspects of sexuality; some just see it as an outlet when there is no convenient warm body (and no impulse to run out and find a one-night stand). It's what you make of it, really. Kinda like alcohol: you can abuse it, or you can just use it responsibly.

[iambreathingair]

Thank you all for this amazing thread. I absorbed an incredible amount from the thread and links that turned my understanding of ED with new partners on its head.