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Old 02-26-2012, 05:16 AM
lonelygirlny lonelygirlny is offline
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Join Date: Nov 2011
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Default The Situation

My Husband is okay with me being with other people... The problem I have run into is that the guy I really like says he respects me too much to "interfere" with my marriage. He says that I need to figure out my situation, and if I am single he would love to be with me. I don't want to give up on my marriage, but I want to have a relationship with him. How do I convince him that it is okay. It is a very frustrating situation.
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Old 02-26-2012, 06:01 AM
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NovemberRain NovemberRain is offline
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Join Date: Dec 2011
Posts: 712

Maybe have your husband tell him it's okay?
Love is that condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own...
Robert A. Heinlein

Me: female, bi, (formerly hinge of a vee)
with FirstBoyFriend (FBF)(moderately long-distance)
and no longer with CurrentBoyFriend (CBF)(who now lives in a house far away-with stairs I can't climb)
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Old 02-26-2012, 07:32 AM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: The Big Apple
Posts: 10,083

I would invite him to coffee or cocktails with you and your husband so they can both meet and get to know each other a bit. Your hubs can let him know he wouldn't be interfering. You can also give him some links to do a little reading about poly, such as:

The world opens up... when you do.

"Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me." ~Bryan Ferry
"Love and the self are one . . ." ~Leo Buscaglia

Click here for a Solo Poly view on hierarchical relationships
Click here to find out why the Polyamorous Misanthrope is feeling disgusted.
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Old 02-26-2012, 04:25 PM
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drtalon drtalon is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Raleigh, NC
Posts: 112

On the other hand...

Is it possible that "not wanting to interfere because he respects you too much" is his way of gently rejecting you because he finds it unacceptable to date a married person?

You may just be courting a cowboy (someone who will try to break up your other relationships) if you try to pursue him.
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Old 02-27-2012, 03:17 AM
ThatGirlInGray ThatGirlInGray is offline
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Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Northern Cali
Posts: 552

Or it may be he's a person who just isn't comfortable participating in a poly relationship. There may not be anything anyone can do or say to convince him. A very good friend of mine, who knew my husband, knew the situation, everything, still couldn't wrap his head around he and I being together. To him, in his words, it was, "just too weird!"

He's still my friend and he doesn't judge (most of) my lifestyle decisions, but his choice for himself was to not be romantically or sexually involved with me. Made me very sad and angry and disappointed at the time and it took me a while to get over him in that way, but that's the way life goes sometimes.
Pan Female, Hinge in a V between my mono (straight) husband, Monochrome and my poly (pan) partner, ThatGuyInBlack
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married dating, vee formation

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