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  #51  
Old 12-20-2012, 01:04 PM
opalescent opalescent is offline
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I'm so very sorry IP.
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  #52  
Old 12-21-2012, 02:57 AM
MeeraReed MeeraReed is offline
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This is so sad. I'm so sorry.
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  #53  
Old 12-21-2012, 04:47 AM
WhatHappened WhatHappened is offline
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I'm so sorry for your loss.
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  #54  
Old 12-21-2012, 06:08 AM
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NovemberRain NovemberRain is offline
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aww, I'm so sorry. I'm so glad your others are coming to hold you up. big virtual hugs for you and yours. Holding you in the light...
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and no longer with CurrentBoyFriend (CBF)(who lives in the apartment building next door)
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  #55  
Old 12-21-2012, 12:04 PM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
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I am saddened to read about your sudden loss. It is good that you are surrounded by loved ones to support you through your grief. My heartfelt condolences to you.
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"Love is that condition in which another person's happiness is essential to your own." ~Robert Heinlein
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  #56  
Old 12-24-2012, 06:51 AM
InfinitePossibility InfinitePossibility is offline
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Thank you all.

I am just breathing, taking care of myself and writing to my loved ones to thank all of them for their thoughts, good wishes and offers of help and support.

And crying. Lots and lots of crying.

Grief seems to trigger anxiety in me and I do find it difficult to deal with that. When Dad died earlier in the year, I found some herbal remedies that helped and made sure that I went running regularly. So I shall buy more of the remedies and will keep up my running.

Helps also that I have lots of friends around who are close enough to talk to about emotional stuff and that my work is a supportive environment for that sort of thing too. My work colleagues and I have supported each other through many deaths and illnesses among our families over the years.

And I am just accepting that I won't be okay for a good long time. I'll be able to function and do the things that I need to do but I just won't be okay. So I need to give myself a break and concentrate on the important things. Spending time with people I love, getting to work, taking exercise and eating well. Everything else can wait.

IP
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  #57  
Old 12-27-2012, 06:58 AM
InfinitePossibility InfinitePossibility is offline
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Grief is so tough to get through.

I'm anxious about every part of my life just now. Scared about losing more loved ones and short tempered because I'm so worried and tired from the not sleeping.

My SO is being wonderful. He has been with me lots since it happened and is providing loads of support and love.

Friends and family too are being wonderful. I feel supported and loved. And able to give support and love - I'm not the only one having a rubbish time just now by far. I'm pleased to be able to give support as well as receive it.

IP
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  #58  
Old 12-30-2012, 02:44 AM
InfinitePossibility InfinitePossibility is offline
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Sleep is proving somewhat difficult for me just now. I miss my old love and the house contains constant reminders of him.

So today I sat for a while in a pub and wrote about him and the life we had together. I reminded myself of the good times and I smiled. People in the pub came and talked to me and I was glad of the connection. I took my young love, C, with me and his presence encouraged people to come and engage with both of us.

I was at work this week for 2 days and was amazed at how lovely people were. We talked lots about my loss and about the problems that my work colleagues face just now. The colleague I sit next to hugged me when he saw me - an unusual event. We are not a profession who hug each other much and my colleague is a somewhat difficult man - we think he may be a little autistic. But he cares about me and he made sure that he showed that which was beautifully warming.

C, my SO, my family and friends continue to be sources of love, help and support to me. I hope I am continuing to be for them.

My feelings of being connected to and surrounded by love have only grown since the death of my old love.

What a gift he was in my life.

IP
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  #59  
Old 01-06-2013, 05:36 PM
InfinitePossibility InfinitePossibility is offline
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Have been thinking lots about how to structure life in a way as to make it safer from being abandoned, hurt and traumatised.

I don't think that you can. We are all told repeatedly that the way to be safe is to get married and have children - that way we have our spouse to care for us when we are young and our children to care for us when we get old.

Realistically, that is a gamble. It might work - works brilliantly for some of us. They marry somebody they love, stay with the for decades, have children who stick around and care for them and die happily surrounded by loved ones. But those people leave behind a spouse - who won't have that luck. They leave behind their children who are abandoned - the abandonment might not have been intentional but it happens nevertheless.

Repeatedly throughout our lives we suffer loss and abandonment. Friends move away or drift apart from us, our lovers too often do the same. Our dogs and cats have short lives and leave us too quickly. Sometimes the right thing to do is to encourage our lovers to find another love - even if it leaves us alone, to help our friends move across the world and to end the lives or our non-human companions.

Maybe the trick to being secure is to learn how to love - deeply and with all our hearts while knowing that any of those relationships may have a time limit on them. To keep connections as strong as we can while allowing our loves to develop their own lives.

To hope that when our own end comes, it happens with somebody kind nearby.

I wonder if the trick to a happy life is to go on in it. To keep on loving and laughing even though everything that makes us happy now may be lost and even though we may help the loss of it along?

I miss my old love so much. My home is almost unbearable without him. I can hardly bear to leave C and have been taking him everywhere with me. The poor soul is exhausted with all the travelling around we've been doing lately.

Right now I am doing nothing other than keeping my home running - barely, going to work, caring for C and keeping up my connections with my friends and with my SO. These are all that I can do right now.

IP
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  #60  
Old 01-06-2013, 05:49 PM
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NovemberRain NovemberRain is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by InfinitePossibility View Post
Maybe the trick to being secure is to learn how to love - deeply and with all our hearts while knowing that any of those relationships may have a time limit on them. To keep connections as strong as we can while allowing our loves to develop their own lives.

To hope that when our own end comes, it happens with somebody kind nearby.

I wonder if the trick to a happy life is to go on in it. To keep on loving and laughing even though everything that makes us happy now may be lost and even though we may help the loss of it along?
Oh, IP, big virtual hugs to you {{{{{IP}}}}} Thank you for sharing your journey with us here.

The bit I quoted above, I agree with. I like it for a plan for a happy life. Sometimes, I think about Mother Teresa, she didn't have a grand plan for helping a zillion people and being famous. She just helped the one in front of her. You do the next thing, and then next thing, and then the next thing. (well, I heard it was from her, I tried to research the quote and seems it comes from somewhere else, but you get the idea)
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Love is that condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own...
Robert A. Heinlein

Me: female, bi, (formerly hinge of a vee)
with FirstBoyFriend (FBF)(moderately long-distance)
and no longer with CurrentBoyFriend (CBF)(who lives in the apartment building next door)
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