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  #1  
Old 11-16-2014, 12:39 PM
polyexplorer polyexplorer is offline
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Default Definitely not a Poly Poster Boy!

It's been over 2 and a half years since my last post and it is time for an update... Besides, I think I need a place to tell my story where like minded people may be able to understand...

I have been exploring poly now for around 10 years, and quite frankly, it has been a disaster! I am now a divorced single, unemployed with no sense of life direction, and in the process of possible bankruptcy and losing my house. I walk the streets of my home town wandering in an aimless reflection. My life from an external point of view is fucked! And it all started when I began exploring poly. So I am definitely not your Poly Poster Boy!

But yet, I can't let go of the feeling of hope I have inside me that this is an amazing, beautiful and wonderful path... Let me start at the beginning...

I was happily married and monogamous for 15 years. I had three beautiful daughters, had been a highly successful engineer travelling the world, and then became a church pastor of a church that I started which had become a thriving hub within our local community. Everything I touched seemed to prosper.

My marriage was amazing! I married the first girl I kissed, and felt she was my soulmate. Even after 15 years, I still loved her to bits and didn't feel anything was lacking in our relationship, nor was I looking for anything more. Then it happened...

I fell in love with another woman.

To my amazing surprise, falling in love with another woman made me love my wife even more! How could this be! Besides, I wasn't allowed to fall in love with someone else, was I?

I was open and honest with my wife, because I don't know any other way to be. She was actually open minded and tried to be OK with it. But after about 9 months of lots of emotional trauma, she finally cracked it and said that this other lady had to get out of our lives. So we kicked her out of our life... At the same time I got kicked out of the church when they found out that I had fallen in love with another woman...

The agony of doing this stayed with me. For several years I was in pain over this and had burning questions within me which I couldn't even verbalise. Then one day I came across polyamory. I didn't even know what it was. Reading about it, and coming across this website (4 years ago now) and reading people's stories, it all made total sense to me. I understood why falling in love with another woman made me love my wife even more. It felt like a fresh understanding of myself had dawned on me. The deep questions I had inside of me were being answered.This was who I was!

I talked to my wife about it. She flipped! We talked about it for 2 years. We went to polyamory discussion meetings together. We read and blogged on this website. We tried to resolve the issues that had come up with me falling in love with another woman. She even reached a point where she tried poly herself by taking another lover. In the end, she decided poly wasn't for her, and she left me for this new lover.

I was devastated! I quit my job, bought a large bus, and went travelling with my kids to find myself. Soon after I found a lovely girlfriend who was OK with me being poly. That was until my first connection with another woman happened. She got jealous and realised she was not OK with poly, so she graciously left. So did the other woman because she didn't want to cause problems between me and my girlfriend.

Meanwhile I still couldn't find a sense of life direction after being kicked out of the church. The bus trip was fantastic with my kids, but I came back still not knowing what my next step was.

I met another lovely lady. This time she had a boyfriend as well. Finally, perhaps someone who would actually be OK with poly! She was, but unfortunately the boyfriend was not as it turns out. (He, by the way, was cheating on his wife and conducting a relationship in secret with this new lady I had met. But that is another story....). So for this and other reasons, this relationship has not worked out.

I was still unemployed. I had to refinance my house loan in order to pay my wife out for her share of the house. As a result, my home loan was enormous, and at this point in time I am losing $850 a week because I am still unemployed, and still can't find a sense of life direction. The banks, needless to say, are not happy.

I have tried to sell my house, but it turns out I can't even get the amount I need to pay my loan off. Financially, I am fucked! Emotionally, I feel fucked!

Yet....

The glimpse of the amazing sense of love I felt for all of life when I truly and deeply was able to love the two women in my life that I cared for most, was absolutely inspiring to me. I felt like I got a glimpse of something possible. A love that does not diminish when it is given to more than one. A love that multiplies the more it is given...

It is this glimpse that gives me hope to keep going...

I am definitely not your poly poster boy! Don't put me up on show as if to say, "Look at him! See Poly works!" Hahaha. But I can't let go of hope. I feel it in my bones. I sense a better way to do life, love and relationships. And I will hold on to this hope and keep searching until I find the fulfilment of the glimpse that I have had....
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  #2  
Old 11-17-2014, 06:51 PM
WhatHappened WhatHappened is offline
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When you say you fell in love with another woman, back while you were a pastor, and your wife tried to be okay with it, what was actually happening with the other woman? Did you start a relationship with her? Become close friends, but just friends? Sleeping with her?
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  #3  
Old 11-18-2014, 01:32 AM
polyexplorer polyexplorer is offline
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Initially it was a deep emotional connection. It wasn't until later that it became sexual. The issue for my wife at the time was that I had opened my heart to someone else as well...
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  #4  
Old 11-18-2014, 01:34 AM
polyexplorer polyexplorer is offline
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Initially it was a deep emotional connection. It became sexual later. My wife at the time struggled with me opening my heart to someone else as well...
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