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  #71  
Old 03-09-2010, 02:15 AM
Vexxed Vexxed is offline
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Originally Posted by GroundedSpirit View Post
AND........

When do you feel the happiest - most in-sync with yourself. (not others)

When you are alone - what thoughts occupy your mind?
I feel happiest and most in-sync with myself when I get things done, like running errands, exercising, and organizing my belongings. I feel happiest when I make progress and have completed something. I have trouble completing things, so when I do, it makes me happy.

1. Lately, when I'm alone, most of my thoughts have been about my relationship with her. I think about what I will need to do, or what I will need to be like the next time that I'm with her. I think about the things that I said on our last date that may have shown a hint of insecurity. I also think about the things that I can work on, such as my conversation skills, organizing my room, and continuing to build/maintain an impressive physique (she compliments me about my build).

2. If I'm not thinking about her, I'm contemplating whether or not I'll trying to earn a living by growing organic fruits, vegetables, herbs, and berries. That became my career goal in 2006. I've saved money, and worked on a real organic farm for experience. While working there, I also became disappointed.

3. I sometimes think about tiny homes, simple living, using bicycles for transportation, and environmental issues.

4. I also sometimes think about my friends & family, but only for brief periods of time.

So, I think about her, my career, my living situation, and environmental/economic/social justice issues.
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  #72  
Old 03-09-2010, 03:04 AM
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rolypoly rolypoly is offline
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Originally Posted by Vexxed View Post
So, I think about her, my career, my living situation, and environmental/economic/social justice issues.
Ha! I could have written this. Too much thinking for one brain.
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  #73  
Old 03-09-2010, 03:46 PM
GroundedSpirit GroundedSpirit is offline
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Originally Posted by Vexxed View Post
I feel happiest and most in-sync with myself when I get things done, like running errands, exercising, and organizing my belongings. I feel happiest when I make progress and have completed something. I have trouble completing things, so when I do, it makes me happy.

1. Lately, when I'm alone, most of my thoughts have been about my relationship with her. I think about what I will need to do, or what I will need to be like the next time that I'm with her. I think about the things that I said on our last date that may have shown a hint of insecurity. I also think about the things that I can work on, such as my conversation skills, organizing my room, and continuing to build/maintain an impressive physique (she compliments me about my build).

2. If I'm not thinking about her, I'm contemplating whether or not I'll trying to earn a living by growing organic fruits, vegetables, herbs, and berries. That became my career goal in 2006. I've saved money, and worked on a real organic farm for experience. While working there, I also became disappointed.

3. I sometimes think about tiny homes, simple living, using bicycles for transportation, and environmental issues.

4. I also sometimes think about my friends & family, but only for brief periods of time.

So, I think about her, my career, my living situation, and environmental/economic/social justice issues.
Well there !
Wow - there's a LOT of admirable stuff going on there. Undoubtedly much of that is part of what she finds attractive.

Imagine how life might unfold for you if you just kept focused on these things, improving your skills and knowledge and IMPLEMENTING them !
The "getting things done" part you mention. Makes us feel better for sure.
Try to be the best at what we are good at. When we do - the "right" people notice. Things work out in unexpected ways.

GS
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  #74  
Old 03-10-2010, 06:39 AM
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SchrodingersCat SchrodingersCat is offline
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Originally Posted by YGirl View Post
I do not agree that "judging" is a bad thing always. It's something people do all the time without realizing it.
So you're right, people are constantly judging each other over a variety of things.
Judging is a necessary part of functioning in society, and we all do it every time we meet someone or just pass them on the street. Judgements aren't always negative. We all judged our partners before we started dating them, or else we'd be dating everyone we'd ever met!

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Originally Posted by YGirl View Post
You need not one, but several, whacks upside the head with a proverbial clue-by-four.
uhh gee, way to be positive and affirming. If she's been dealing with attitudes like this all her life, no wonder he's got low self-esteem!

Hon, ignore stupid shit like this. And if anyone in your life regularly says stupid shit like this, get rid of them. Seriously, no one needs that crap. If this is how the good, help-seeking people that come here are being treated, maybe it's no wonder some of them are being driven away?

Not to mention, people who resort to put-downs tend to be those with the lowest self-esteem. My mother-in-law was like that. It didn't even surprise me the time that she actually said, "well if I can't be in a good mood, why should anyone else be?" as an explanation of how why she treated people so poorly.
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Last edited by SchrodingersCat; 03-10-2010 at 02:20 PM. Reason: gender correction (mixed up threads)
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  #75  
Old 03-10-2010, 02:12 PM
NeonKaos NeonKaos is offline
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Originally Posted by SchrodingersCat View Post


uhh gee, way to be positive and affirming. If she's been dealing with attitudes like this all her life, no wonder she's got low self-esteem!
[Vexxed, I apologize for this quasi-hijack and the fact that I am about to refer to you in the third person for the remainder of this post.]

As I pointed out to you in that PM you sent me scolding me about my previous post, the OP is a man. Not that it makes any difference because men can have low self esteem too, obviously. If he said anything positive worth affirming, which he did, people would have affirmed that, which we did. Examples can be found throughout the thread, if one were to _read_ what has been written.

Perhaps the "clue-by-four" remark was a bit harsh, but it's too late to take it back now that it has been quoted. However, see my earlier posts in this thread and it should be obvious that this comment was made in exasperation after the OP repeatedly dismissed good advice and encouragement not just from myself, but from every other person who has tried to help. I don't think that anything anyone here can say to the OP will make a difference because I think he enjoys making himself miserable, and that's fine. He doesn't appear to be making his girlfriend miserable, so more power to them both. It seems to be working out for everyone so why change the dynamic?

Just quit whining about it.

Last edited by NeonKaos; 03-10-2010 at 02:14 PM.
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  #76  
Old 03-10-2010, 05:52 PM
Ceoli Ceoli is offline
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Originally Posted by YGirl View Post
Perhaps the "clue-by-four" remark was a bit harsh, but it's too late to take it back now that it has been quoted. However, see my earlier posts in this thread and it should be obvious that this comment was made in exasperation after the OP repeatedly dismissed good advice and encouragement not just from myself, but from every other person who has tried to help. I don't think that anything anyone here can say to the OP will make a difference because I think he enjoys making himself miserable, and that's fine.
Yep. The OP can get advice left and right but until certain basic mindsets are changed (such as "I know what attracts women" - I don't think he even understands his own misogyny with that mindset), none of it will even register, since he's pretty much made up his mind about the whole thing.

That's why I stopped bothering to post on this thread a while back. Anything else just feels like enabling dysfunction.
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  #77  
Old 03-12-2010, 06:29 AM
Vexxed Vexxed is offline
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I did have a 1 hr counselling session with a counselor (M.A. degree) who is poly. It felt good to talk to him and express my feelings. It also felt good to do it because I was taking action. None of my core beliefs have changed though. I continue to fake it till I make it.

Interactions between her and I are going along just fine, but I feel stressed.
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  #78  
Old 03-12-2010, 12:02 PM
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CielDuMatin CielDuMatin is offline
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Originally Posted by Vexxed View Post
I did have a 1 hr counselling session with a counselor (M.A. degree) who is poly. It felt good to talk to him and express my feelings. It also felt good to do it because I was taking action.
I am glad you are doing this - I feel that it's your best way forward. While you keep focusing on your negatives and how you don't measure up you're going to struggle, I think. I think that working with a professional is going to give you a lot mroe than an online forum can.

I wish you luck on your journey.
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  #79  
Old 03-12-2010, 12:08 PM
Vexxed Vexxed is offline
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I stayed up all night on an Internet binge. I feel fried.
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  #80  
Old 07-25-2010, 05:14 PM
Vexxed Vexxed is offline
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Months have passed. I had at least 6 more bouts of insecurity, but each one was smaller than the previous one. I'm not where I used to be, regarding insecurity, but I'm still feeling pain.

I thought about starting a new thread, but instead I decided that I would just update this one. She will be spending 4 nights with her other boyfriend (whom I live with) starting tomorrow night. She has been out of town with her husband for a month.

I'm feeling fearful insecurity. I'm not as insecure about as many things that I described at the beginning of this thread.

The two beast that I still fight:

a) Her other boyfriend is more entertaining than me.

b) He is more sexually satisfying for her. (I feel both compersion and insecurity about this issue)

I'm going to feel a ton of anxiety during the next 4 days and nights.
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